Doctor Byron Orpheus quotes from The Venture Bros.

My son has it in his head that you were in our house last night and you... killed our robot.

Dr. Orpheus

The seed of your loins is quite astute. I saved your mechanical man from certain damnation. For his frail, electronic eyes had gazed upon the impenetrable! He was an unwilling beholder to the impossible!

Dr. Orpheus

It craves... purity... it devours... purity... it seems to be... What the hell is this thing made out of?

Nothing.

Dr. Orpheus

Come on...

Alright fine, I might have used a few unorthodox parts.

Dr. Orpheus

Just tell me one!

An... (mumbles)

Dr. Orpheus

A what?

An... orphan.

Dr. Orpheus

Did you say... an orphan!?

Yeah... a little.. orphan boy..

Dr. Orpheus

It's powered by a forsaken child!?

Might be... kind of... I mean, I didn't use the whole thing!

Heeey, if I pull this candle down, will it...?

Dr. Orpheus

...get wax on my carpet? Yes.

Dr. Orpheus

Do you have a pen?

Hank

To use as a magic wand?

Dr. Orpheus

To use...as a pen, Hank.

Dr. Orpheus

Oh, it must be dreamy to have a costumed nemesis. Chasing you... wringing his gloved hands in concern of your every move.

You're kidding, right?

Dr. Orpheus

It just seems so romantic.

Oh sure, it looks all glamorous from the outside, but really it's a huge pain in the ass. They send robots into your lab, break everything, and does my insurance policy cover arch enemies? No.

Dr. Orpheus

I'm jealous! There, I said it.

If you want one so bad, take one of mine.

(shocked, stamping out the fire) You dick!

Dr. Orpheus

Doctor Orpheus did this! To exact proper retribution, (he produces a business card with a flourish) you can find me at this address! (as an afterthought) Nights only.

What? What did I do?

When the sun sleeps... the wolves begin to howl.

(bewildered) What the hell is going on here? Did somebody put a sign on my back or something?

Dr. Orpheus

(grabbing Action Man's hands and concentrating for a moment) Two years, seventeen days.

What?

Dr. Orpheus

From a stroke. GOOD DAY!

Dr. Orpheus

Do not be too hasty entering that room. I had TACO BELL FOR LUNCH!! Expert witness, Dr. Byron Orpheus has arrived.

Hank

(examining the bathroom door from which Orpheus emerged) The hair's gone! A clue!

Dean

It was Dr. O the whole time. I wonder what that means?

Brock

It means Dr. Orpheus had to take a dump. So... nice job. Case closed.

Dr. Orpheus

How sweet, a Bible. Well, if you don't mind sir, I have book of my own for this little ritual.

Dr. Orpheus

Keep your fingers clear of its mouth, he's a nibbler.

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you ... whoever.

Dr. Orpheus

I SWEAR IT!

Dr. Orpheus, could you tell the court what it is that you do? You're a type of magician?

Oooo, they have no idea what they're in for.

Dr. Orpheus

Well, if you must call me that, yes. But if you are after mere parlor tricks you will be sorely disappointed, for if I reach behind your ear, it will not be a nickel I pull out, BUT YOUR VERY SOUL!

(imitating a lounge singer) Good night ladies and gentlemen, you've been a great crowd.

So. Mind readin'. Fascinatin'. Could you read the mind of, for instance, the Monarch?

Dr. Orpheus

If it would please the court...

Objection1 No way!

Th-th-th-this is most unorthodox.

Unorthodox? The defendant's in a crown for God's sake!

I myself am growing from the torso of an inbred simpleton.

Dr. Orpheus

Hug me!

Fine. Whatever gets you off, man. Just don't go for the reach-around, because The Monarch doesn't swing that way.

Pumpkin, get me my cloak!

Triana Orpheus

Why don't you wear the ...

Alright fine. GET ME MY BLUE WINDBREAKER!

What can I get you?

Dr. Orpheus

Well, you see, I made this purchase of a homeboy from your vending machine.

What'll it be, sugar?

Dr. Orpheus

Your flask of sugar appears to be filled. But your concern is noted; now please, stand to the side.

Dr. Orpheus

But I am, by trade, a necromancer! You know what that means, right?

Brock

Uhh, you have sex with dead people?

Dr. Orpheus

phile! Necrophile! A necroMANCER can bring the dead TO LIFE!!