Tiny Attorney quotes from The Venture Bros.

Well, Hank, what's it like to be a... liar. Huh? You like being a liar with pants constantly on fire?

Objection, your honor, leading.

I'll rephrase that: Hank, are you a liar?

Hank

No sir, I don't think so.

Yes you are!

Dean

You're the liar!

And may I remind you, that I am rubber and you are glue and whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you.

Dr. Orpheus

How sweet, a Bible. Well, if you don't mind sir, I have book of my own for this little ritual.

Dr. Orpheus

Keep your fingers clear of its mouth, he's a nibbler.

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you ... whoever.

Dr. Orpheus

I SWEAR IT!

Dr. Orpheus, could you tell the court what it is that you do? You're a type of magician?

Oooo, they have no idea what they're in for.

Dr. Orpheus

Well, if you must call me that, yes. But if you are after mere parlor tricks you will be sorely disappointed, for if I reach behind your ear, it will not be a nickel I pull out, BUT YOUR VERY SOUL!

(imitating a lounge singer) Good night ladies and gentlemen, you've been a great crowd.

So. Mind readin'. Fascinatin'. Could you read the mind of, for instance, the Monarch?

Dr. Orpheus

If it would please the court...

Objection1 No way!

Th-th-th-this is most unorthodox.

Unorthodox? The defendant's in a crown for God's sake!

I myself am growing from the torso of an inbred simpleton.

Apparently, you lost your hearing as well as your arms. I said I'm getting married to your girlfriend!

Yes, yes. I heard you.

You surprise me, Limb. You're taking this pretty well. I thought you'd try to kill me.

I'm no fool, Monarch. You don't live with a woman and not know when this is coming. You don't dine on the bounty of a woman's flesh and not know what she's thinking.

OK, OK.

You don't drive your manhood over and over into a woman and...

Yes, stop. I get it! Just give me her shit and let me go. She needs something old.

In due time. I thought we'd have a nice chat first. There's one. [Shoots Mr. Monday]

Was that Mr. Monday?

Oh yes. You two were in prison together, were you not?

I saw him... around. I think.

You'd be surprised at the array of wildlife here on the grounds. Wonder what other game we could scare up. [Shoots Dr. Septapus out of the tree]

Dr... Septapus?

Oh, don't tell me, Not another one of your former prison mates? What are the odds? [Shoots him again]

All right, Limb. What's going on here?

Just disposing of some vermin. Terrible, the havoc they can wreak on a meticulously manicured lawn, you know. [Shoots White-Noise]

OK, OK, fine. So what did you do? Bust all these guys out of jail just to show me how ruthless you are?

What do you take me for, a common thug? Of course not. I hired them an excellent appeals attorney. And there he is.

Please! Phantom Limb! I did everything you asked!

I'm a reasonable man, Monarch. But don't think for a moment that I will forget this. Revenge, like gazpacho soup is best served cold, precise and merciless.

Oh, yeah. You can never have enough precision in your soup. Look, nut-job, I hate these traitorous dinks more than you do! So shoot whoever you want.

Go. Her shit is by the door in a box marked ”Hers.”