Monarch quotes from The Venture Bros.

Dr. Girlfriend

All right, I knew you couldn't handle this! It's crazy. We've been meeting in this crappy hotel, like, three times a week and it's going nowhere!

Alright fine, I'll do Thursdays too. But only for, like, an hour. Which means we have to get right to the dirty deed! I give you permission to begin without me!

Dr. Girlfriend

(sarcastically) Oh, gee, thanks. Look, I keep coming home with welts on my neck and the "I got jumped by a flying squid" excuse is starting to get Phantom Limb a wee bit suspicious.

Screw Phantom Limb! No, wait. No, don't!

Marry me!

Dr. Girlfriend

You being serious?

Deadly serious.

Dr. Girlfriend

(dramatic pause) Yes.

Good! Done! Now get your ass back in that bed!

Dr. Girlfriend

But we need to make some ground rules first! (brings out a list) 1: No more of this "I need my space, you're crowding me" crap!

Fine, whatever. Wh... Where were you hiding that list?

Dr. Girlfriend

2: I'm not your "number 2." I'm your partner.

Okay! I'll get you a crown or something. Anything else on that magic and probably moist list of yours?

Dr. Girlfriend

Yes! Number 3: This whole "Dr. Venture" thing is over!

Yes! We kill him once and for all!!! And we shall make slave of his sons and a lamp from the flesh of Brock Samson!

Dr. Girlfriend

NO! I want you to give up this insane grudge you have on Dr. Venture once and for all.

No way! Dr. Venture is my sworn enemy!

Dr. Girlfriend

Oh, nevermind then! I knew you weren't serious!

No, no! Don't go!!! Fine, I'll do it... No more arching Dr. Venture...

Dr. Girlfriend

Ever?

Never...

Dr. Girlfriend

Swear?

I pinkie swear!!

'Kay? You happy know?

Dr. Girlfriend

(Teary eyed) The happiest woman alive!

Revenge, like gazpacho soup, is a dish best served cold, precise, and merciless.

Yeah, yeah, you can never have enough precision in your soup...

Monarch, this is the Phantom Limb. You are surrounded.

OH! DICK MOVE!

[Gasps] Oh! There she is! [Whispering] Hi, Pookums!

You know I feel so dirty, when they start talking cute.

Get used to it!

I wanna tell her that I love her... but, that point is probably moot.

...Are you reciting "Jessie's Girl"?

Apparently, you lost your hearing as well as your arms. I said I'm getting married to your girlfriend!

Yes, yes. I heard you.

You surprise me, Limb. You're taking this pretty well. I thought you'd try to kill me.

I'm no fool, Monarch. You don't live with a woman and not know when this is coming. You don't dine on the bounty of a woman's flesh and not know what she's thinking.

OK, OK.

You don't drive your manhood over and over into a woman and...

Yes, stop. I get it! Just give me her shit and let me go. She needs something old.

In due time. I thought we'd have a nice chat first. There's one. [Shoots Mr. Monday]

Was that Mr. Monday?

Oh yes. You two were in prison together, were you not?

I saw him... around. I think.

You'd be surprised at the array of wildlife here on the grounds. Wonder what other game we could scare up. [Shoots Dr. Septapus out of the tree]

Dr... Septapus?

Oh, don't tell me, Not another one of your former prison mates? What are the odds? [Shoots him again]

All right, Limb. What's going on here?

Just disposing of some vermin. Terrible, the havoc they can wreak on a meticulously manicured lawn, you know. [Shoots White-Noise]

OK, OK, fine. So what did you do? Bust all these guys out of jail just to show me how ruthless you are?

What do you take me for, a common thug? Of course not. I hired them an excellent appeals attorney. And there he is.

Please! Phantom Limb! I did everything you asked!

I'm a reasonable man, Monarch. But don't think for a moment that I will forget this. Revenge, like gazpacho soup is best served cold, precise and merciless.

Oh, yeah. You can never have enough precision in your soup. Look, nut-job, I hate these traitorous dinks more than you do! So shoot whoever you want.

Go. Her shit is by the door in a box marked ”Hers.”

Monarch! What say you?

I say what kind of loser can't get the hint that he's been dumped?

So it's okay for you to kidnap her, but when I do it I'm a loser!

Doctor Venture

So...it's a cocoon...that flies...

Obviously!

Doctor Venture

I just realized that makes no sense.

Duh! Monarch! Butterfly, butterfly cocoon, it's a theme thing!

Doctor Venture

Yeah, I get it, but why didn't you just make it shaped like a butterfly?

(The Monarch leans over and looks at Doctor Venture) Because that's gay?

What's going on? I've got no go here!

Um, here's something. We just lost power...like, uh, all of it.

Where'd it go?

Oh, oh, I don't know...uh, somewhere? Uh...it's not in the engine.

What?!? Someone get down to engine room and find out what the hell happened!

Oh no, no way...that place is spooky.

Doctor Venture

You...pay these people?

(quietly) Uhhhh, you wanna...see my escape cocoon?

Dr. Girlfriend

I'm fine! I was pinned under... I think it's Phantom Limb's leg...

Give it here! I want to kick his smug, limey face in with it.. (Monarch notices David Bowie moving into earshot as he said "limey") ....oh.....

Come on! Come on! I wanna go with you guys!

Fuck off! It only seats Two! Two!

Wooo, you're insatiable, woman. Now that's one myth about married life we can scratch off the list, huh?

Dr. Girlfriend

Ya...You...know I nev..I never actually said I do.

Well you never said you don't.

Dr. Girlfriend

Well there's something else I haven't said, It, uh, it might... change things.

Is it, "Let's go again?" 'Cause I'm gonna need a few...

Dr. Girlfriend

No, okay...deep breath, Sheila, you've been rehearsing this...

Dr. Girlfriend

Monarch, I'm....

(angrily) WHAT!?

Dr. Girlfriend

You can't do this to us. Where's the Monarch?

You will see him soon enough.

Only after the Guild of Calamitous Intent is satisfied. You know why you are here.

No clue! Few hours ago I was in my floating escape bed- repeatedly consumating my marriage -and the next thing I know your super creeps are blindfolding us and dragging us here to get shot at!

This is the way these things are done.

And in light of recent events we need to be sure we can trust you.

Dr. Girlfriend

Trust us? You were the ones who promoted him all these years.

There's no reason to get defensive.

We just have some questions for you; tell us about the traitor Phantom Limb.

I know he wears an awful lot of purple for a white guy. What else you wanna know?

Oh man, if that shows up on YouTube...I...I'm serious, what kind of torture is this? Couldn't you just drill my teeth or shove bamboo under my nails or something?

This is not a torture, Mr. Monarch.

It is an interrogation.

Or a trial of sorts.

I always say, it's a crucible.

Oh, that's way cooler.

W-wait. Did that video have a wipe?

Councilman 3 got Adobe Premiere.

Was it too showy? I thought it would make it more lively.

And why did you change the music??"

Pardon...?

A man remembers what was on his car radio when he taps his future wife. That was not the song.

Oh, we couldn't afford the rights.

Einar's lawyers were ready to sign, but Bjork's lawyers wouldn't budge!