Dean Venture quotes from The Venture Bros.

Hank

Dude, look, elephants!

Dean

That's... (rummages through box of wildlife cards) "Loxodonta africana." You can tell which ones are the males because they're the only ones with tusks.

Hank

I got no problem tellin' which one's the male, bro. Check out the fifth leg on that beast!

Dean

It's called a trunk.

Hank

It's called "you're a spaz", and that ain't what I'm talkin' about.

Dean

I spy a...um... (shuffling through cards) huh. I don't have a card for that one.

Hank

If you don't knock it off with the wildlife cards already, you're going to be spying my foot up your wow-hole, Dean. Seriously.

Hank

Dean that's great and I can't wait to hear all about it, only Brock's stuck inside Dad's thing that makes people happy. But it's all evil.

Dean

I dare you to make less sense.

Hank

I was on the floor and I heard everything! And I have a plan!

Triana Orpheus

So how come I never see you at school?

Dean

(with a hint of fear) I'm kind of home tutored in a box my pop made, (looks down with a more frightened tone) it sometimes gets very hot in the box... my pop made.

Triana

Wow. That's, um... that's screwy. (notices his face, which has gone blank) Crap, did I upset you?

Dean

(blankly) Penguins have a gland above their eyes that converts seawater to freshwater.

Dean

Hank and I just woke up on the floor. We were playing Ouija, and a guy hypnotized us.

Dean...

Dean

With his magical Dracula powers.

Dean, I'm going to turn around now, and you'd better be on fire. You're standing there in flames, and the only person who can put you out is me, because that is the only conceivable reason that you would wake me up like this!!!

Dean

Is your name Pumpkin?

Triana

No, it's Triana. Doesn't your dad have a nickname for you?

Dean

Well, I've heard him call me 'Dave' or 'Don' a few times, but I don't think they're nicknames.

Triana

Who's that big guy who's always washing his car in front of your place?

Dean

Oh, that's Brock. He's my dad's bodyguard. One time I saw him kill a guy with a sock full of party snaps!

Triana

(facetiously) Did the guy's head get blown off?

Dean

(proudly) Yes it did.

(outside the bathroom with robe and towel) Dean, what the hell are you doing in there? I need to take a shower!

Dean

I'm practicing being a boyfriend, Pop!

(sidling away, horrified) Uh, never mind, Dean.

Dean

Dad is super serious all of a sudden. Do you really think he's in as much danger as he says he is?

Brock

Oh yeah, he's screwed. I give him about an hour before he panics and begs for us to haul him up.

Okay, guys, I can hear all this!

You're not a very good liar, Dean, are ya?

Dean

Maybe...

Hank

Alright Brock, I know this sounds crazy, but just hear him out.

Guuhhm. Can we have a ride home?

Brock

What?

Dean

Noooo. Do it like you said you were gonna.

(sigh) I'm really, really sorry about this whole mess, and, you know, the whole pirate thing is behind me now, and... plus, you kinda killed Steve, and burnt my ship. So, if you could give us a lift out of here I figure we'd just call it squaresies.

Brock

(sigh) Alright.

Go team Venture!

Brock

I don't know, they just do that.

Dean

Hear that? I'm in charge. And I think it's just about little Hanky's bed time.

Hank

Oh, take a bow. [Hits him in the crotch]

Dean

Yahtzee!

Hey Brock!

Brock

Go to bed. [walks past the door dejectedly, then walks back in] Why would you dress like that? [Dean is in his underwear with a number of socks wrapped around his head]

Hank

Dean lost a bet, and now he's my slave, and he's refusing a direct order to drink this!

Brock

You never welch on a bet, Dean. Be a man. Drink it. [Hank is offering some green liquid with various substances floating in it] Go to bed. You're father's gonna be... coming... [leaves mumbling dejectedly]

Dean

Brock looks like hell.

Hank

Drink it.

Hank

[hands Brock a tiny lunchbox] I packed a lunch for you. Bologna and cheese. And I cut the crusts off the way I like.

Dean

And I downloaded a bunch of crib notes into your communicator watch. You get stuck on one of the hard questions, just look it up.

Dean

No worries, Brock. I'll walk you through the written portion. Question 1: You're in Prague. A sniper's in the window above you. There's an alligator behind you, and a grizzly bear in front of you. What do you do? Do you-

Brock

Back somersault, pry off the alligator's jaw, use it as a boomerang to take out the sniper. When he falls out the window, the grizzly'll go straight for the easier meal.

Dean

Uh... the answer's C.