Doctor Thaddeus Venture quotes from The Venture Bros.

[Gasps] Oh! There she is! [Whispering] Hi, Pookums!

You know I feel so dirty, when they start talking cute.

Get used to it!

I wanna tell her that I love her... but, that point is probably moot.

...Are you reciting "Jessie's Girl"?

Dr. Orpheus

Don’t panic, Dean is safe. Safe in the magic hands of the Order of the... [Orpheus trips on Phantom Limb limb’s then drops Dean]

Dean

Ow, hey pop!

Dean was missing, nice job Brock.

The Alchemist

Peoples, somebody here lose an invisible...

The Alchemist

Oh... Oh, I'm keeping this.

(somberly) Brock... am I a bad person?

Brock

Doc, what the hell just hap...

Am I, Brock?

Brock

(pauses, then rocks his hand in a "kind of" gesture) Ehhhh......

You will never be able to reach your full potential until you first confront your deep-seated fear of success. Now get into the bag.

What's in it?

Only what you take with you.

What the hell am I signing, a zeppelin?

A most sacred pact: membership in the most elite brotherhood, mit exclusive arching rights.

Didn't have to go through all this hooey to get my first archenemy, but what the hey? Did you pick me a good one?

No, you did.

[Looking at the video-screen] What...my brother?

Bingo! Isn't it perfect? It's a classic Cain-und-Abel story.

But...but he can't arch me, he's not even a super... [The reality dawns on him] Oh, my God, this is...but I'm not a...

Aren't you? Is this not what your heart was trying to tell you in your visions? Sign it. Make your blood feud official! Act now! Venchmen are standing by for your order!

Barkeep! Another 'Suffering Bastard', if you please. [He falls down, receiving a call on his watch] ...Hello?

Myra

How could you just leave like that without telling me where you're going?

You're not my mother, you're my bodyguard.

Myra

How can I guard your body if I can't be close to your body?!

Oh, God. Barkeep, where's that Suffering Bastard?

I'm looking at him!

Oh Ha, Ha...

You're a brainless failure and live entirely off your father's name and fortune!

I'm George Bush?

Hardly! I've never never hated anyone as much as you!

Oh wait wait. Hitler? Did he have a famous father?

Worse! Washup! You should just admit that you will never amount to anything and drink, poison!

Oh is it... uh... Socrates son?

Ahh of course, Mariah Carey. So close. Seriously, I would have gotten that.

Dr. Girlfriend

No no no, no apologies necessary. To all fair and love & war.

I just assumed that magic we share that night was something that was bigger than the both of us.

Dr. Girlfriend

Nothing happened.

Well if it did happen, that was only because I didn’t know who you were.

Dr. Girlfriend

Nothing happened.

And not many women have... hit on me because of my fame.

Dr. Girlfriend

Nothing happened.

And some just sense the inner-animal, pheromones. Ladies pick up on it.

Dr. Girlfriend

Nothing happened.

Are you sensing anything now?... I smell perhaps, meow!

[as the Moppets pass by] Some people just shouldn't breed. Those're some ugly kids.

Brock

Kids? You're kiddin' right? They're achondroplastic dwarves.

And they're almost as good as you or I and they deserve this camp as much as any kid here. You're such a racist.

Brock

They're not really a race, doc.

Will you listen to yourself, Hitler?

Hank! Stop calling me pop! If these kids find out that their hero has had sex their heads will explode!

Hank

But I wanna show my new friend-

This isn't all about you, Hank. These kids wanna see Rusty Venture. Maybe when there's a cartoon called 'The Venture Brothers' it'll be different.

We're going to use The Buddy System. The person seated next to you is your buddy. Everyone say, "Hi, buddy!"

(doing so) Hi, buddy!

If you touch something that melts your fingers off, tell your buddy! If you get a face-full of burning hydroflouric acid, it's your buddy who drags you to one of the many eye wash stations!

Don't move! They can smell fear...

Can they smell urine?

That's like liquid fear!

I jettisoned the hand and got away, but...I wasn't alone in there. (holding up a child's shoe) We lost one!

Well, where was his buddy? He had a buddy, they all had buddies!

Rusty, I just saw a little kid get disemboweled!

Well, you always wanted to be an adventurer! Not like answering trivia, is it, boy?

Dean

Dr. Quymn is the wereodile!

She's- oh my god! I almost fucked a wereodile!

Dean

We have to stop her transformation before she kills us all! (he picks up a chair and begins to hit Dr. Quymn with it over and over)

Dean

The power of Christ compels you! (Ginnie springs into action and pushes Dean away)

Stop it you little asshole! She's not a wereodile, she's an epileptic.

Ew!

...Pity your father also didn’t teach you not to steal Fertility Idols from irritable headhunters.

Oh, that... I’ve been researching alternative cures for impotence... not for me, of course.

Have you not tried Viagra?

It makes me... my customers; headaches, nausea, dyspepsia and/or diarrhea. Anyway, enough shop-talk, how have you’ve been?