Doctor Thaddeus Venture quotes from The Venture Bros.

Brock

(watching the guild candidates attack the walking robotic eye) Well, I'm gonna go out there and get some of that action.

Uhh... Don't you wanna change?

Brock

No way. I love wearing a tux when I kill guys. Makes you feel kinda like James Bond.

(Dr. Orpheus, Jefferson Twilight, and the Alchemist do their "thing") Order of the Triad... Go!

Get out of my kitchen.

Alright Dean,I,er...need to talk about a few things with you.

Dean

Hank did it.

Brock

Hey, have you seen the boys? They were supposed to be practicing for their road test but it looks like they forgot the car part. What, uh... what are you guys, uh... into there?

Orpheus is making me follow that magic head thing I told you about.

Dr. Orpheus

We're very close to divining its will!!

Brock

Aww, he's got you doin' it now. You guys are cute together. I'm going to go look for the boys. (to himself) Story of my life.

Dr. Orpheus

It stopped! It seems interested in this automobile. Tell me, is it associated with some recent sin of yours?

Pfft. I wish. I can't remember the last time I got lucky in that car. Unless you count the dollar I found under the seat.

Wait... I know what you're doing! You're trying to get me in sack!

Dr. Orpheus

(genuinely taken aback) I beg your pardon?!

No wonder nobody but you can see that head!

Dr. Orpheus

Wha... How dare...

The tights, the jewelry, always tagging along... 'Oh, let me get my big gay cloak and I'll join you!'

Dr. Orpheus

I'm trying to help you!!

Help me out of my Speed Suit!!

Sorry about earlier...I'm probably just still jet lagged, and you know, floating demon head and all.

Dr. Orpheus

Apology accepted. Just...stay on your side of the room! [Trying to Joke] Tiger!

Dr. Orpheus

...Yes.

You, uh... wanna go halfsies on a skin flick?

Dr. Orpheus

'Kay.

Hank

So is she or isn't she?

Brock

OK, Hank, look! She used to be Power Cat on American Gladiators. Show gets tanked, she checks herself into the nuthouse. Every couple of years, she puts on the old costume, kidnaps you, or tries to kill your dad or burns down the compound. Depends on what meds she's coming off of.

Dean

How come we don't remember her then?

Brock

Look. You don't remember because you're cl--

Hank

I can't help feeling like we're not getting the whole story.

Dean

Right! Maybe she was telling the truth.

All right! So I fucked her! What of it?

Dean

Why do we have to eat breakfast with your dead guy?

Venturestein's been through a lot, Dean.

Hank

Venturestein!

You like that?

Hank

Sure do, Pop!

Good boy, Hank. Dean, right now Hank is better than you.

More power! I must have more power! Look Brock, his fingers! They're twitching!

Brock

Yeah, well, a stiff will do that if you shove a gigavolt up its ass.

No, he's alive! ALIVE I tell you!

Brock

Uh, sure Doc.

Brock

Holy shit.

Hank

Hey Pop, why's the top of that guy's head black?

Not black, Hank! African American. The top of that guy's head is African American.

Dean

Dad, why's the top of this guy's head African American?

Because Brock caved in his original cranium and I had to use whatever fits.

Brock, I need dead people. Lots and lots of dead people.

Brock

Uh-huh.

Now I've already got 12 from the henchmen you killed, not counting the black guy without the head, but we need like, uh, 100 something. We need like a full gross of dead people.

Brock

Right, and, uh... where are we gonna get all these dead people?

Well, I thought, seeing as you are... you know, you and all, I thought maybe... you could go out and--

Brock

No.

--make some...

Brock

No.

...dead people.

Brock

No.

Well, fine. Thanks a lot for not helping.

Brock

Anything else?

HELP ME GET DEAD PEOPLE!

Dr. Orpheus

Ah, Mr. Venture. I caught you.

(unenthusiastic) Yay.

Dr. Orpheus

As per our landlord tenant agreement I've come to inform you of a small gathering I will host from, say, 5 in the post meridian until, question mark.

Whatever. Knock yourself out.

Dr. Orpheus

[Referring to Venturestein] Is that man dead?

Uh, no.

Dr. Orpheus

Once again Mr. Venture you cut decency to the quick and leave her to die in prostitute ally!

Prostituuuutes!

Brock

Why's he gotta cry like that?

Hank

I think you scare him.

Brock

Well, I'm not the one who froze his corpse or nuked him back from the Great Beyond to be a half-dead short bus seat warmer.

But you did kill him. And then when I unkilled him you kind of did it again.

Hank

You hit him so hard he has an afro now!