Cody quotes from The Suite Life of Zack & Cody

Cody

(after lamp hits wall) Oh no!

Zack

Wonder what Mr. Moseby will say?

(appearing in doorway) I don't know. Let's ask him.

Cody

Promise me that nobody will get hurt.

Maddie

I can't make that promise!

Cody

Oddly, I'm OK with that.

Cody

It's about doing your homework, eating your broccoli when Mom isn't looking!

Zack

You offered it to me!

Cody

Yeah, because that's what brothers do for each other! But it's never reciprocal!

Zack

Huh?

Cody

Reciprocal means it would be nice if you did something for me for a change!

Zack

I did! You offered me money and I took it!

Cody

Take an easy class? Like wood shop?

Zack

What makes you think wood shop is easy?

Cody

Duh, you're taking it.

Carey

Relax, Cody. I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself.

Cody

I'm not putting too much pressure on me. Harvard's putting too much pressure on me! Yale is putting too much pressure on me! Princeton! M.I.T! Stanford! Do you think they're out there looking for under-achievers? If I don't ace woodshop, I'll end up being one of those guys who sells hot dogs and sleeps in a taxi!

Zack

Hey! How much does that pay?

Zack

What are you doing?

Cody

Getting ready to drill a hole.

Zack

Well, here in woodshop we tuck in our shirts before we use tools.

Cody

But this shirt is a 100% linen, if I tuck it in and take it out, it will be wrinkled.

Zack

Well, there's a 100% chance you'll be wrinkled when you get sucked into a sander. These safety rules were made for your own protection.

Cody

Oh, yeah? And who came out with them?

Bob

Nine-fingered Nick.

Zack

(to Cody) Fine, then I guess I won't find Maddie the perfect gift and she'll never love me. And we'll never get married, forcing me to live on your couch, eating your food, not doing my laundry year after year.

Cody

Okay, stop it already!

Zack

(to Cody about his gift to Maddie) I'll buy it off you! Name your price.

Cody

Ten thousand dollars!

Zack

Name a lower price!

Zack

What did you get her?

Cody

A tea set, including a China cup with her name painted on it, her favorite tea imported from India, and a box of cinnamon sticks.

Zack

Well, how did you know she wanted all that?

Cody

Because last week, she said to us, "For my birthday, I'd really like a China cup with my name painted on it, my favorite tea imported from India, and a box of cinnamon sticks."

Zack

What was I doing when she said that?

Cody

Staring at her, thinking about that talk we had with Dad.

Zack

I wanna make fun of Cody before his date, and it's always nice to have backup.

Bob

Actually, I'm here because there is no date... Irma postponed it.

Zack

When?

Bob

When I say postponed, I mean dumped!

Zack

She dumped him? That'll crush him! We'll have to break it to him gently. [Cody walks in.] Hey, Cody! Welcome to the club!

Cody

What club?

Zack

The-Guys-Who-Aren't-Dating-Irma Club.

Bob

That's your idea of gentle?

Zack

Hey, I didn't kick him.

Cody

You're lying.

Bob

I got it directly from the source. Irma told Kim who told Phill who told Ashley who told Brenda who told Dylan who told Cole who told me... [breathes in for air] It's over.

Cody

But why? What happened?

Bob

She got back together with her camp boyfriend.

Cody

No! Not Joaquin! The one with the 12-speed bike and the puka shell necklace! This is horrible.

Zack

Ok, buddy, this was a tough break, but there are lots of fish in the sea.

Cody

[crying] I don't want a fish... I want I-i-irma!

Zack

Come on, with whiskers like those, she looks like a catfish!

Zack

Ooh! look at that cute girl over there. Ooh! and there she is again! One for each of us!

Cody

I already have a girl, my beautiful Irma.

Zack

Your beautiful Irma happens to have more hair on her upper lip than you do.

Zack

Dude! Look at you! The suite is clean but you're a mess! You need to get back out there. But you might wanna take off the apron first.

Cody

I told you I'm not ready.

Zack

I understand. Only time can mend a broken heart.

Cody

Thank you.

Zack

You've got five minutes. Because that's when Jessica and Janice are gonna be here for our date.

Cody

What part of "not going" don't you understand?

Zack

The "not" part. Dude, they're twins! Gorgeous twins! On vacation! What they do in Boston stays in Boston!

Zack

And then I get back and they're all crying into their pizza!

Carey

Well, honey, I'm sorry your date was ruined, but you got what you deserved.

Zack

Is there no shoulder for me to cry on?

Carey

You pushed you brother to go out before he was ready just so you could have fun. Honey, it's gonna be a long time before he's comfortable around girls.

Cody

[entering the suite with Jessica and Janice, all laughing] I had a wonderful time, ladies.

Jessica

Don't forget, see you tomorrow for breakfast.

Janice

Tea and scones! [they both kiss Cody's cheeks]

Cody

Pip, pip! Cheerio! Ta-ta! Peace out! [girls leave] Yes! Zack, I can't thank you enough. If you hadn't told me to get back out there, I'd be sitting here alone and so depressed! ♪Rule Britannia, Britannia rule the wave...♪

Zack

It's my motto: "Aim low and avoid disappointment."

Cody

I thought your motto was "Sleep and eat."

Zack

It's my other motto, and it's not as easy as it seems. Sometimes you eat too much and you can't sleep. Sometimes you sleep too much and miss a meal.

Cody

Boy, your life is a real delicate balance.

Zack

You have no idea!

Carey

What is it with you? I tell you not to do something, you promise not to do it, and you do it anyways!

Zack

Life, it's all a learning experience.

Cody

[chiming in] And you learned nothing. [to Carey] I'd go with "no allowance".