Carey quotes from The Suite Life of Zack & Cody

Carey

Serge, you know, that poem you wrote me was so lovely, I wrote a little something for you. "Violets are Blue. Roses are Red. My boys were right. Go soak your head."

Carey

(to Cody) Honey, you do whatever you want, but there's no such thing as ghosts. If there were, my mother in-law would still be haunting me.

Carey

OK guys. That's it. You've got to clean up. Cody, get to work. Zack, get a bulldozer.

Carey

You know Cody, I've always looked forward to becoming a grandma. And of course I thought you'd be older, married, and your baby would be human.

Carey

(having just eaten a huge bag of pretzels) Wow, I'm thirsty.

Carey

(to Zack and Cody furiously) Oh that is it. You are beyond grounded. The next time you see sunlight, actually no. You're never gonna see sunlight again. Because by the time your punishment is over, the sun will have burnt out, collapsed into a black hole and the last remnants of mankind will be living on a rusty little spaceship as the cold silence of space slowly drives them MAAAAAAD!!!

Carey

[talking on the phone when the boys come in] Guess what, boys? We're going to see the world's largest ball of twine! But while we're there, no liquids.

Maddie

I hate beauty pageants.

Carey

I know. I never won one, either.

Maddie

The point is, people award girls for being shallow, plastic robots. What kind of superficial airhead thinks that's cool?

London

Isn't this cool?

Maddie

Oh, that kind.

Carey

[to Cody] Are you wearing lipstick?

Zack

That's what the fight was about. I put it on him while he was taking a nap.

Carey

[to Zack] That wasn't very nice! [turns to Cody] And that's not your shade.

Carey

Zack, why are you wearing a skirt?

Zack

I did it so we could win money for bikes.

Carey

Oh, thank goodness.

I think it's so nice that this wonderful young girl lets a struggling singer and her two twin boys live in her suite.

Carey

[fakes a smile] It's so much nicer than the mini-van we used to live in.

Maddie

[crying] Look, I really don't feel like talking.

Carey

Ok. [hugs her] Then I'll talk, and you listen. Honey, you really shouldn't have lied to Jason in the first place.

Maddie

I know, but I just thought he wouldn't like me because we come from two separate worlds. I mean, he comes from champagne and caviar and I come from beer and pretzels!

Carey

I'm sorry, could you please take the next elevator?

Maddie

I'm such a doofus and now Jason will hate me!

Carey

No, you don't know that. And you're not giving yourself very much credit either.

Maddie

I know. I'm such a doofus!

Carey

Stop saying that! Here- [turns to the man in the elevator] May I?

Carey

You shouldn't sell yourself short. And I bet if you give Jason half a chance, he'll tell you the same thing.

Maddie

You think so?

Carey

I know so.

Zack

So, is the evil hotel inspector gone yet?

Ilsa

No, she's right here.

Zack

Whoa! What's that on your face? [Carey covers Zack's mouth.]

It's a beauty mark!

Cody

But it has a hair on it! [Carey covers Cody's mouth.]

Carey

It's a good thing I don't have triplets! I've run out of hands.

Carey

Mr. Moseby's just doing his job. He needs to keep this hotel running smooth and you tend to be un-smooth.

Cody

Yeah, un-smooth like when Mom doesn't shave her legs for 2 weeks.

Room service! Somebody ordered the "I'm sorry for what we did last night" buffet.

Carey

Eggs benedict with caviar?!

Cody

Must be a mistake.

Zack

We ordered toast and a raisin.

Carey

You guys are bleeding me dry here!

Oh! [chuckles] My mistake. This is meant for the other mommy with twins on the 23rd floor. [He leaves]

Carey

I-I'm sorry, I didn't, I mean, they...

D'I- I understand. Children sometimes can be a burden.

Carey

You have kids?

No, and after seeing yours, not gonna happen!