(to Tony Blundetto, about playing cards) Isn't there somethin' in your parole about hangin' out with degenerates like this?
Hey, come on, he gets away with anything. Last time his parole officer made the unannounced visit, he gave him a massage.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Nah, I always think.
Really?
Yeah.
Having sex with your mistress' cousin, like the mistress wasn't enough ta piss off your wife.
For example, you could tell her she means a great deal to you, but you think of her as a daughter.
Even if I wanna fuck her brains out...?
What, so you're just not gonna talk? I almost got killed, Christopher.
I'm just curious. What the fuck were you doin' in the middle o' the night in the middle o' nowhere in a car with my uncle?
He was drivin' me home.
Fuckin' Dover?
We were talkin'. We...we...we were goin' ta get something ta eat. I get off o' work, I don't want ta go right home. You weren't even there.
No, I was in a fuckin' Ride-A-Rent bustin' my ass with a bunch o' rednecks makin' a livin' ta buy you alcohol, and coke, and all the other shit you shovel into your mouth. Two o'clock in the fuckin' mornin'?! Don't fuckin' lie ta me, I can't stand it!
Nothin' was goin' on, Christopher.
I should've made ya walk home.
I swear ta God.
You know how this looks? Don't talk ta me, shut your mouth!
(A series of phone conversations) Adriana got caught givin' the big guy a blowjob.
And when the paramedics found them, she had his cock still in her mouth.
Now, statistics show that most single-car fatalities are the result of guys poppin' their load behind the wheel.
Apparently, he came all over the sun visor.
Hey, hun. I already ate. There's a casserole in- (Christopher chokes Adriana)
(yelling) You fuckin' lyin' bitch!
Ow! Stop it! What're you doin'?
You were suckin' his cock! Georgie told me everythin'. The surgeon on the operatin' table said you were moanin' Tony's name!
What are you talkin' about?
You fucking lied ta me! What were you doin' in Dover then? See, see, you can't tell me...'cause I know what you were doin'! Your other dope dealer's there. Go ahead, deny it!
Okay, I was goin' out ta see Andre, but I wasn't suckin' anybody's cock! How could you say that?
Oh, so you two were just gonna go toot up a bunch o' lines, go fuckin' birdwatchin'?
Oh, you son of a bitch. I was gonna stay up all night and clean this fucking shithole!
Everybody knows about it. Everybody's talkin' about it!
No, please. (Christopher flips a table)
You want me ta use you bitch! You're fuckin' killin' me!
No, I don't. I love you. (Christopher smacks Adriana hard and keeps slapping her on the ground) Stop it. You motherfucker.
Fuckin' whore.
Ow, my neck. (Christopher drags Adriana by the hair and throws her out of the house)
Get the fuck outta here! I never wanna see you again! (Chris slams the door shut)
There are other things to think about. My husband, for one.
Robert Wegler: Well your husband's goin' to have to get used to the fact that your life is movin' on.
I'm not worried about my life.
What'd that fag want?
Jesus Christ, Tony, everybody's a fag to you. You know, maybe you're a fag, you ever think about that?
Can I help it if I know one when I see one?
Oh really? What are the signs? Education...culture?
Suckin' a guy's cock usually tips me off.
How do you know who sucks whose cock? What, you got a little secret?
Well maybe I don't wanna live in a place where people use violence against children.
Violence? You're lucky I didn't put my shoe up your ass.
You see? Now that's abuse. I know what my rights are. I can call social services and they'll send a case worker.
Go ahead. He'll get the other shoe!
Why do pissin, shittin', and fuckin' all happen within' a two-inch radius?
Everybody asks that, Paulie. There's no answer for it.
They're all sources of pleasure though.
Get the fuck outta here!
So, how many guys you gotta jerk off on a massage table ta make that?
I don't know. What do ya charge without the table.
Five hours they let me out for these funerals. I gotta spend it bein' maudlin?
Hi, my name is J.T., I'm an alcoholic and an addict. I'm also a TV writer, which by default makes me a douchebag.
(about the absence of his childhood dog) Father told me he took him to live on a farm.
That's what they always say. That same farm must have seventeen billion dogs on it. Dogshit up ta the rafters.
Tony gets one fifty. Twenty five percent comes from you, the other seventy five percent o' that comes from Hesh.
Jesus Christ...that's like forty grand. You gotta be fuckin' kiddin' me, John.
Am I smilin'?
You got some balls kid, I'll give you that much!
You'll give me what I tell you to give me!
Whoah Tony...
Take it easy...take it easy...
Fuck that! This ain't the seventies. And I'm not a kid.
Relax, it's an expression.
Well, here's another expression. You got five days ta give me my money.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Sopranos pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.