Tony Soprano quotes from The Sopranos

You always leave your door open like that?

Meadow Soprano

I'm cooking, it's hot.

Finn DeTrolio: I'll protect her, don't worry.

Tony Soprano

Ya hear that? Anybody bothers her he'll knock their teeth out, then he can put 'em back in, too.

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Let go of me, your son will be home. You want him to see his father like this.

Tony Soprano

Yeah, you'd love that wouldn't you? I'm not leaving here Carmela.

I don't love you anymore. I don't want you. You are not sleeping in my bed Tony. The thought of it now makes me sick.

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Can I tell ya somethin' Tony?

Tony Soprano

Don't pretend like I got a choice.

The last year, I have been dreaming and fantasizing and in love with Furio.

Tony Soprano

(laughing) he..ha...what?

Every morning when he'd come to pick you up, I would look forward to it all night long in bed, next to you. Those nights when you were actually in the bed. And he would ring the doorbell, I felt like my heart would come out of my chest. He would smile, and we'd talk, and then you would come down the stairs. And I felt probably like someone who was terminally ill and somehow they managed to forget it for a minute. And then it all comes back!

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Of course, what's wrong with me?

Tony Soprano

I dunno...but we'll find out. Leave it ta Dr. Tony.

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Tony Soprano

I tell you, I'm havin' a time. Stay out late. Come home drunk. Fuck anyone I want.

Silvio Dante

Yeah, so whats the difference? (Compared to when Tony was married)

Tony Soprano

I dunno, it's the mindset.

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Tony Soprano

Jesus Christ, I'm gone for one hour, all of a sudden it turns into a fuckin' slumber party.

Tony Blundetto

Somebody woke up on the wrong side o' the bed.

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Tony Soprano

Free spirit Janice! Rebel without a cause! While I sit here mired in her bullshit, tryin' to be a good son, while you're off droppin' acid and blowin' roadies!

Bobby Baccilieri

ROADIES?!!?

Tony Soprano

Oh, you don't wanna know!

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[to AJ at dinner] Your father never had the makings of a varsity athlete.

Tony Soprano

Oh, what the... What the hell's with you?

What?

Tony Soprano

It's not true. I lettered in football.

You never played college ball.

Tony Soprano

College? Those guys from Seton Hall were seven feet tall some of them. Took an academic leave anyway.

Small hands, that was your problem.

[laughing] Oh yeah, Daddy always said that.

Tony Soprano

That's not the point. What is it with you and this obsession with this varsity crap? The other day you said it. When I was a kid you told the girl cousins the same thing, it was very hurtful.

Tony, relax, it's not a big deal.

Tony Soprano

It's undermining! And it's the kinda stuff I'm teaching my kids not to do - so I don't wanna hear it again! End of subject!

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TGTom Giglione

So coming down I heard on the radio, looks like the Jets are gonna grab that kid from Tulsa, that tight end.

BGBarbara Giglione

We still get those season tickets, big brother?

JUncle Junior

All I know is he never had the makings of a varsity athlete.

Tony Soprano

AW, SON OF A BITCH!

BGBarbara Giglione

What?

Tony Soprano

DID I JUST TELL YOU NOT TO SAY THAT AGAIN?!

BGBarbara Giglione

Say what?!

JUncle Junior

You don't like the way I talk, get outta my house!

BGBarbara Giglione

Ugh, here we go...

Tony...

Tony Soprano

No, "Tony" shit! [to AJ] Get your coat, we're leaving.

AJAnthony Junior

I don't have a coat.

Tony Soprano

Well then get moving, Goddamn it!

BGBarbara Giglione

Will someone please tell me what's going on?

Tony Soprano

It's my last Sunday dinner here, that's what's going on.

[Tony and AJ leave, slamming the door behind them]

Uncle Jun, was that really necessary?

JUncle Junior

He's a goddamn hothouse flower, that's his problem.

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Tony Soprano

Look, the doctor said you might not have known what you were saying.

What are you talking about?

Tony Soprano

The varsity shit.

[Junior sighs, and doesn't respond]

Tony Soprano

So what else did Feech have to say?

Getting a new top on his convertible.

Tony Soprano

All right, let's assume that you didn't know what you were saying... and that you forget that you say shit over and over.

Yeah?

Tony Soprano

Why's it gotta be something mean? Why can't you repeat something good?

[turning his attention back to the television] There's the coyote.

[...]

Tony Soprano

I mean, don't you love me?

[Junior doesn't answer, and they both quietly tear up]

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Michele Feech La Manna

(about Tony) Jesus fuckin' Christ, how many times this guy gotta say hello!!

Tony Soprano

What, did I interrupt one of your impermeable stories? Go ahead..

Michele Feech La Manna

So, we had these girls in a hotel room, long story short, I got my shoe in her snatch-

Tony Soprano

And it falls off and she keels over, Che puzz'. (holds his nose)

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Tony Soprano

(to Tony Blundetto, about playing cards) Isn't there somethin' in your parole about hangin' out with degenerates like this?

Michele Feech La Manna

Hey, come on, he gets away with anything. Last time his parole officer made the unannounced visit, he gave him a massage.

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Tony Soprano

Nah, I always think.

Really?

Tony Soprano

Yeah.

Having sex with your mistress' cousin, like the mistress wasn't enough ta piss off your wife.

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For example, you could tell her she means a great deal to you, but you think of her as a daughter.

Tony Soprano

Even if I wanna fuck her brains out...?

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Tony Soprano

What'd that fag want?

Jesus Christ, Tony, everybody's a fag to you. You know, maybe you're a fag, you ever think about that?

Tony Soprano

Can I help it if I know one when I see one?

Oh really? What are the signs? Education...culture?

Tony Soprano

Suckin' a guy's cock usually tips me off.

How do you know who sucks whose cock? What, you got a little secret?