Tony Soprano quotes from The Sopranos

Sociologists say that twenty six is in fact the new twenty one.

Tony Soprano

And the new twenty six is what? I'm forty six, so that means I'm what, thirty five?

View quote →

Tony Soprano

What can I do for you Phil?

Vito...do we know where he's at?

Tony Soprano

Well that really doesn't concern you. How's John?

I dunno. Fine, through his vale of tears. But seriously...Vito...what's being done about 'im?

Tony Soprano

Well, like I just said, it's none of your fuckin' business 'cause he works for me, not you.

He's married to my cousin. He dishonored me personally.

Tony Soprano

What do you want me ta do...put out an APB on the guy 'cause he takes it up the ass, huh? It's a victimless crime.

Marie is a victim. Her children are victims. They've done nothing. And they're forced to live with the shame and humiliation. I gotta be frank, in your father's day, we wouldn't be havin' this conversation. A finook in his crew, he knew how ta handle that.

Tony Soprano

I sympathize with Marie, and the children, okay? But don't you fuckin' tell me what to do. You're only actin' boss.

I swallowed my pride when your murderin' fuck of a cousin killed my brother. Don't think I'm gonna do it twice.

Tony Soprano

Phillip, lets not make a beef where there isn't one. Fundamentally, we are in agreement on this issue, but I'll handle it.

View quote →

My stomach hurts.

Tony Soprano

(furious) You stupid fuckin' moron. You realize what could've happened ta you...if we didn't have connections? Some cop goes by the book and they charge you with attempted murder! Your hear me?! Attempted murder! Then what? Then what?

So he shot you! You just gonna let him fuckin' get away with it?!

Tony Soprano

I told you that's my business, not yours! And what did you do? Nothin'! Zero! A big fuckin' jerkoff!

Fuck you!

Tony Soprano

I oughta break your fuckin' neck! Stop cryin'. Stop cryin'! I guess your heart was in the right place, A.J. But it's wrong. Come on.

What?

Tony Soprano

It's not in yout nature.

No...you don't know me. Aight, you don't know anything about me!

Tony Soprano

You're a nice guy and that's a good thing for Chrissakes!

Bullshit!

Tony Soprano

I mean it. You're a good guy. I'm very grateful.

Well, you're a fuckin' hypocrite, aight, 'cause every time we watch "Godfather," when Michael Corleone shoots those guys at the restaurant, those assholes who tried ta kill his dad, you sit there with your fucking bowl o' ice cream and you say it's your favorite scene of all time!

Tony Soprano

Jesus Christ, A.J. I mean, you make me wanna cry. It's a movie. Ya gotta grow up. You're not a kid anymore. You hear me, you...you...you gotta grow up. (A.J. throws up) Get in the car. First of all, your mother does not find out about this.

View quote →

I ran into Liz La Cerva at the feast.

Tony Soprano

Yeah...

She has got it in her head that Christopher killed Adriana.

Tony Soprano

Uhuh...what? That's insane.

I know. Then again, he does have a history of being free with his hands.

Tony Soprano

Oh, that makes him O.J.? She was probably drunk Carm.

I really don't think she was.

Tony Soprano

Alright...let me school you on domestic violence, okay? First and foremost, there's always a body. And ninety nine out of a hundred, and this comes straight from my cop buddies, it happens either in the bedroom or in the kitchen. He killed her, believe me with the forensics they got nowadays, the...uh...fibers, we'd know about it.

The FBI came to her house, Liz.

Tony Soprano

That's exactly my point. If they thought he did it, how fast do ya think they'd haul his ass in? Sour grapes, Carm. He dumps her daughter, all of a sudden he's Scott fuckin' Peterson.

I thought Ade dumped him.

Tony Soprano

You know what I mean. She was a sweet girl, Ade. But the two of them together was a toxic relationship.

Yeah, they did have a rough time of it.

Tony Soprano

And he's doin' great, Christopher. He's a different person. He's married. He's got a kid on the way. He's focused. Let's not sabotage his progress.

View quote →

You punish Bobby because he's my husband.

Tony Soprano

Will you stop, huh?

To be his age and not to be a captain.

Tony Soprano

Oh...now I see what this little visit's all about.

He works so hard for you...and what does he get, merciless ridicule...about his weight, about his model railroading.

Tony Soprano

He's a grown man!

Oh, but it's okay for Neil Young!

Tony Soprano

He owns Lionel!

View quote →

Carlo Gervasi

Anyway, Bobby's vision's fucked now. They're hopin' the repair will take. I mean, he could be a candidate for a cornea transplant.

Tony Soprano

He should be a candidate for a brain transplant.

View quote →

Tony Soprano

Guys her age were always buyin' me ice cream, givin' me baseball cards. Kissin' my ass to get in good with her.

Sounds a little like jealousy.

Tony Soprano

No guy wants his sister to be the town pump.

You weren't sexually threatened?

Tony Soprano

Oh, Jesus Christ. Will you make up your fuckin' sick mind? First it's my mother, now I wanna fuck my sister?

It's normal, not sick. That she functioned as the focus of your early sexual feelings. In fact, it was probably mutual.

Tony Soprano

Oh, Jesus Christ.

View quote →

(standing) Tony...hey.

Tony Soprano

(sitting) What the fuck?!

My brother's over there!

Tony Soprano

What's that supposed ta mean?

Nuthin. He's just there, that's all.

Tony Soprano

You sandbag me, I cut your fuckin' throat open.

I'm sorry. I didn't know what else ta do. I want back in. Can I sit?

Tony Soprano

No you can't sit!

It was complicated, I was workin' things out.

Tony Soprano

I'm sure it gets complicated, when you're taking it up your fag ass.

I'm not a fag, I never was.

Tony Soprano

'Scuse me?

It was the medication I was on. For my blood pressure. It fucked with my head, but I'm over that now. I could probably get a letter from my doctor.

Tony Soprano

A note from your doctor sayin' you don't like to suck cock?

First off. I pay my way back in. I got two hundred K that goes directly to you, personally. No one else needs to know. Long term...I know construction's out. Those guys...but Meth, running girls, a lot more tolerant atmosphere. I got contacts in A.C. With your support, I could set myself up there. I'd be close, but not too close. Ton'. Please, don't turn your back on me. (Tony leaves)

View quote →

Tony Soprano

Tomorrow morning seven a.m. you go to this address, you ask for a Mr. Caravalho. I just got off the phone with him.

At seven in the morning? For what?

Tony Soprano

You're gonna be workin' construction.

What?

Tony Soprano

Ferryin' cement in a wheelbarrow.

So it's outdoors?

Tony Soprano

Yeah.

Well, it's wintertime.

Tony Soprano

You got a lot o' those hooded sweatshirts. Like the mulignans wear that you watch on MTV. You can double up.

Come on, this is bullshit.

Tony Soprano

Every penny you make, you keep. We won't charge you any rent. And believe me, the pay is good, it's a union job. I just wanna see you do good. You're my son and I love you.

Look, I'm just gonna have to leave your friend in the lurch when I go back to school.

Tony Soprano

That's okay. He deals with that all the time.

I'd just as soon keep searching online.

Tony Soprano

I'm sure you would. But if you're not at that site tomorrow morning, I'm gonna take away your car, and then I'm gonna take away your clothes. And then I'm gonna take away your room and I'm gonna take away your mother's cookin'. And pretty soon you're gonna be on the fuckin' street. (Tony steps away, grabs a helmet and smashes it into AJ's car window)

What the hell are you doing?

Tony Soprano

It might get a little drafty drivin' down there tomorrow. But I will have this fuckin' thing towed out o' here and ground up into fuckin' Brillo pads. I mean, look at it, you don't take care of it. Don't put me to the test.

View quote →

As we know, Phil asked me to arrange this meeting after the fire in his wire room.

Correction. You asked me to fuckin' attend. I agreed.

Fair enough. Now I won't call it a sit-down because of the inclement negative implications. Let's think of it as... a meeting of minds. Now for whatever reason, certain incidents have expired lately that in addition to being dangerous could have an adverse impact on our respective bottom lines.

I know Vito's bottom was impacted if that's what you're referring to.

Tony Soprano

Call him what you will but you're talkin' about one of my captains.

Captain? The Good Ship Lollipop, right?

Phil, please.

Please, my ass. The man was a fuckin' disgrace.

Tony Soprano

Well, before he came outta the closet, he worked for me. And he put a lot of money in my pocket. And yours too.

Talk about earners? How 'bout Fat Dom Gamiello?

[Tony gestures to Silvio]

Silvio Dante

What about 'im?

He's M.I.A. A lot of people are concerned for his well-being.

Tony Soprano

So what the fuck would I know about that?

Well as coincidence would have it, he was last seen in New Jersey.

Tony Soprano

So was the Hindenburg. Maybe you wanna look into that too.

Tony, please. Phil. We're gettin' off point. I grew up in this, guys. And I just lost my friend Rusty. And for reasons I will discern in time, believe me. If there's one thing my father taught me, it's this; a pint of blood costs more than a gallon of gold. My business, all of our businesses, this infighting's costing money.

Tony Soprano

I'm willin' to move forward. Let the past be bygones.

Fine with me.

A wise decision... on both your parts. Now what I'd love to see is a truce. Wipe the slate clean. The no-shows. The wire room. Vito... put it all behind us.

Tony Soprano

Yeah...

Your brother Billy, whatever happened there...

Tony Soprano

Alright then, uh...

"Whatever happened there?!"

The shooting.