Jan: People underestimate Michael. There are plenty of things that he is well above average at. Like ice skating. He is a very good ice skater.

Jim: [calling Ryan's voicemail] Hey Ryan, it's Jim. Look man, I don't know what's gotten into you, lately. But you know what? I really don't care. Because you're trying to get rid of me, and I bet you think I don't care enough about this job to actually fight back. But you're wrong, because I do, and I will. So you can keep trying to push me out of this place. But guess what? I'm not going anywhere. [Hangs up]

Jim: Did I ever tell you why I left Scranton?
Dwight: [sobs]
Jim: Yeah, I didn't think I had. Well, it was all about Pam. Yeah, I mean, she was with Roy... and I just couldn't take it. I mean, I lost it, Dwight. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't concentrate on anything. And then weird stuff, like, food had no taste. So my solution was to move away. It was awful. And it is something that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. And that includes you.

Jim: Do you remember what you said to me on my first day of work, just before you walked me over to my desk?
Pam: Yeah: "Enjoy this moment, because you're never going to go back to this time before you met your deskmate Dwight."
Jim: That's when I knew. You?
Pam: You came up to my desk and you said, "This might sound weird, and there's no reason for me to know this, but that mixed berry yogurt you're about to eat is expired."
Jim: That was the moment that you knew you liked me.
Pam: Yep.
Jim: Wow. Can we make it a different moment?
Pam: Nope.

Jim: One day Michael came in complaining about a speed bump on the highway...... I wonder who he ran over then

Jim: Today, I am meeting a potential client on the golf course because Ryan put me on probation. You remember Ryan: he was the temp here. Yeah and, uh, it is not a good time for me to lose my job since I have some pretty big long-term plans in my personal life with Pam that I'd like her parents to be psyched about. So, I am about to do something very bold in this job that I've never done before: Try.

Karen: Let me ask you. Did you accomplish what you wanted?
Dwight: Listen, lady. You can expect these kinds of repercussions as long as you keep trying to poach our people.
Karen: I'm taking Stanley.
Dwight: Then we will burn Utica to the ground.
Michael: Dwight! [clears his throat] Granted, maybe this was not the best idea, but at least we care enough about our employees that we are willing to fight for them. And if you so much as harm a hair on Stanley's head... We will burn Utica to the ground.

Kelly: I don't talk trash, I talk smack. They're totally different. Trash talk is hypothetical, like: Your mom is so fat she can eat the internet. But smack talk is happening like right now. Like: You're ugly and I know it for a fact 'cause I got the evidence right there.

Meredith: I'm excited about doing the ad, but I'm not really used to doing videos with so many people around.

Michael: WHERE ARE THE TURTLES?!

Michael: Computers are about trying to murder you in a lake.

Michael: Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it's not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.

Michael: Guess what. I have flaws. What are they?. Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me!.. No, don't sue me. That's the opposite of the point that I am trying to make.

Michael: I ran down Meredith in my car.
Ryan: Did you do this on purpose?
Michael: No, I was being negligent. But she's in the hospital. She's fine, recovering nicely. Tiny little crack in her pelvis. But she will be up in--
Ryan: Did this happen on company property?
Michael: Yes. It was on company property with company property, so... double jeopardy. We're fine.
Ryan: I don't think you understand how jeopardy works.
Michael: Oh right, I'm sorry. What is, "We're fine?"

Michael: It is up to me to get rid of the curse that hit Meredith with my car. I'm not superstitious but I'm a little stitious.