It's so unfair. We're both about the same age, but he can go on makin' babies the rest of his life. I feel like the Spruce Goose. People may visit, play with the controls, but I'll never really fly again.
S6 E19Even Grandmas Get the Blues
[holding Aurora] Oh, what a good girl she was this mornin', she was just smilin' and smilin' and smilin'. I know sometimes it's just gas, but she was so cute.
[Sophia tugs on Dorothy's shirt and, when Dorothy looks her way, gives her a big, toothy smile.]
Ma, it's not cute anymore once you pass 80.
SSofia
Rose, before you bring in the sauce, tell us what ingredient you added.
Well, I don't want to spoil the surprise... I'll give you a hint: They're sugary and they're grrrrreat!
S6 E20Witness
I remember growin' up in Atlanta, how all of us girls used to pretend to be Confederate belles and receive gentleman callers. It got to be like a competition. In fact, I once received seven callers in one evenin'.
I'm just thinking out loud, but, uh... isn't Atlanta where the Center for Disease Control is?
Coincidence.
I just don't know what I'm gonna do -- [walks into living room and sees Miles dressed in Amish attire] -- boy, you find out you're a Jew with a dilemma and these rabbis come out of the woodwork.
Rose...who is this?
Oh, this? This...this is...this is a friend...his name is Samuel Plankmaker. [to Miles] Samuel, these are my roommates. [to the others] Girls, you know Miles -- Samuel ! [grimaces] Shoot! Sorry...
I'm so sorry ladies, it's -- it's me! I was trying to play a trick on ya.
Silly rabbi, tricks are for kids.
[indicating Sophia, who is wearing a pair of dark glasses with prescription lenses because she lost her regular glasses] Ladies and gentlemen, Roy Orbison! Ma, where did you get those glasses?
They're an old pair of Pop's, but at least they've got prescription lenses.
I know you can't possibly see through them. Now take them off before you hurt yourself.
No, they're great, I see just fine... [Indicating Blanche] who's the black guy?
Well, I hate telling you this, Blanche... no, that's not true, I look forward to telling you this, Blanche. The woman your great-grandfather married was born, well, outside of Georgia.
How far outside of Georgia?
Buffalo. You're a Yankee, Blanche!
Oh no, this can't be!
A Yankee Doodle.
There must be some mistake!
You are that Yankee Doodle gal.
Oh, did I mention her last name was Feldman?
Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, that can't be. I can't be Jewish!
I'll be damned, the black guy is prejudiced.
S6 E21What a Difference a Date Makes
Dorothy, I thought you were going to make him suffer.
Oh and I will, tomorrow morning I'll tell him he's the worst lover I've ever had.
Where's my tuna quiche? You heard me, I said where's my tuna quiche? I get five ounces of solid food a day, and I want my tuna quiche!
You mean that little pie?
Little pie? Little pie?!
I wanted a snack.
A snack?!
I thought it was a little fishy.
[violently shaking Rose back and forth] Oh! You ate my sensible meal! You ate my sensible meal!
Blanche, stop, Blanche! You're out of control!
[coming to her senses] Oh my God! Oh Rose honey, I'm sorry! What did I just do?
[grabs Blanche's shoulders and shakes her] This!
Honey, we know dieting is hard, we've all been there. I remember the time Stan and I went on that "Weight Loss Through Sex" diet, the idea being every time you felt hungry you would substitute food with some sexual activity.
Did it work?
I gained 18 pounds!
[Blanche learns that Rose also drank her diet shake, in addition to eating her tuna quiche]
Oh shut up! Shut up you babblin' bobble-headed, bleached blonde...
Baboon!
Baboon! [storms out of kitchen and Rose glares at Sophia]
She needed a B.
S6 E22Love for Sale
[reading Dorothy's "bio" at the bachelorette auction] "If Dorothy's not off winging her way to Molokai to assist Father Damien in his work with the lepers, you can find her hang-gliding high above the Florida Keys."
Rose... where did you get that?!
From your mother. Before she and I talked, I wasn't aware of any of it. [continues reading] "She's a scratch golfer who, under President Jimmy Carter, served as the United States Senate Majority Whip. And she likes to read."
[to Blanche] I figured, close with the truth. It'll kind of anchor the rest.
I want to thank you all for holding this event on a night when my hang-glider is in the shop, and Congress is in recess, and the lepers are on Geraldo. Go ahead Rose.
Right Dorothy. All right, now let's start the bidding at five dollars.
BBidder
Five dollars!
[entering lobby] One hundred dollars.
Stanley! What are you doing here?
I'm buying a date with the woman I love.
Oh geez! Not in front of people!
BBidder
One hundred and ten!
[to Blanche, about the bidder, who is a man they all "bought" for Dorothy] What the hell is he doing? Didn't you give him a limit?
Stan Two hundred!
Security! Have this man removed! He's a lonely male impersonator.
BBidder
Two-ten!
[jumps up from table] What?! What is WRONG with you? The woman's been with lepers!
Three hundred!
Stanley stop it! I am not going out with you. I would rather be bound and gagged, and left on an anthill covered with honey.
SBSecond Bidder
FOUR HUNDRED!
BBidder
Four-ten!
SOLD!
Dorothy, I say that.
Five hundred!
SOLD!
[pointing to Rose] SHE says that!
Rose, do something!
SOLD! Sorry Dorothy, that's $500 for the Children's Hospital. I guess dreams really can come true.
On Stan's behalf, Charlie once made a lot of money in business with a partner who was also a lousy, no-good, underhanded, backstabbing worm.
Let me guess, Rose. Ivan Boeskyvanderheuvenfleuvenmeistergarbengerbenfleckman.
That's the louse.
Dorothy, you can't pass up a chance to own real estate. It's been a lifesaver for me. You get a bunch of saps to pay your mortgage for you every month while your equity just rises higher and higher, while those poor suckers... [pauses and notices Dorothy, Sophia and Rose all glaring at her] ...What I meant was, it's a great opportunity to make new friends.
I met a beautiful young Sicilian aerobics instructor. Gorgeous eyes, angelic mouth, and a behind dat must have been made on a Saturday because even the good Lord himself would wanna take a day off to admire it! I lost my heart, and I opened my wallet, eh. All the expensive gifts and fancy dinners and weekends in Mykonos, eh. I even wore one of those-a tiny Speedo swimsuits, shows all your gingerbread and everything, eh. And she leaves me. What does a six-foot-seven-inch American basketball player got that I don't?
Well Angelo, speaking in terms of the gingerbread alone---
BLANCHE!!!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.