Morning, Ma. Did you sleep well?
No, I had that recurring nightmare. You know, the one where I'm in bed with Warren Beatty and he says, "Sorry, but this is too sick even for me."
S6 E23Never Yell Fire in a Crowded Retirement Home
S6 E24Henny Penny - Straight, No Chaser
Where are we gonna find an adult with a child-like naïveté to play Henny Penny?
[Rose enters through the front door]
You're not gonna believe it! I just saw a cloud that looked exactly like a cotton ball!
My God, she is Henny Penny!
DMDelivery Man
Flowers for Blanche Deverucks.
[taking the flowers] That's Devereaux. It's only pronounced "Deverucks" in limericks.
[on being reported dead] What are people gonna think?
They'll think it's time to elect a new town slut.
[narrating the play, with Rose acting out Henny Penny's actions] Once upon a time, on a beautiful spring day, Henny Penny was waking up from a nap under an oak tree, when an acorn fell from the tree and hit her on the head. [fake paper acorn hits Rose on the head] Funny, when I was a little girl in Sicily and they told this story, it was a safe that fell on her head.
[narrating the play] On the way, Henny Penny came upon Goosey Lucy. [Blanche comes onstage holding a mirror and rustling her feather costume] One of the most popular birds in the barnyard,—
The most popular!
And the eighth-graders are seeing a play today about how to be that popular, safely.
I like a fairy tale with a nice prince in it, a handsome prince with a big ol' codpiece and deep, dark eyes... powerful thighs and muscles ripplin' beneath his tunic...
Blanche, you could get aroused by Humpty Dumpty!
Are you kiddin'? All the king's horses and all the king's men! Handsome men with deep dark eyes and powerful thighs and muscles and big ol' codpieces...
Blanche, how do you make it through an omelette?!
[looking at obituaries in newspaper] Whoa!
What is it?
You!
What about me?
You're dead!
What?
I told you, you're dead! You must be! It says so in the paper!
[Blanche takes the paper from Sophia]
[reading] "Blanche Deveraux, age 68..." [shocked] 68?!
Blanche, that's terrible! They're almost as far off on your age as you are.
[narrating] On the way, Henny Penny and Goosey Lucy came upon Turkey Lurkey.
[Dorothy whirls around to face the audience in her costume, reading a book with a dour expression on her face.]
Yes, poor, lonely Turkey Lurkey. Poor dateless, hopeless, self-basting---
MA!!!
[narrating] And from that day to this, Henny Penny, Goosey Lucy and Turkey Lurkey were never seen a---
STOP! [to the audience] Children, kids, it's up to you! I mean, if you want to save us and not have us eaten by Foxy Loxy, applaud! [No response.] I mean it! I mean, clap now if you want to see the goose, the chicken and the turkey live! [No response. Sophia gestures to Rose to shut up, but Rose ignores her.] Come on, put your little hands together! [No response.] Save us and you won't have bad dreams! [No response.] CLAP, you miserable little---
[She and Blanche, still in costume, walk out on the stage, grab Rose by the arm and drag her off] Come on, Henny, let's get it over with.
But what about their bad dreams?!
Let's go, come on.
[to the audience] Fine, but I just want you to know, there are monsters living under all your beds!!!
It's time I gave something back to the chicken community. A chicken once saved my life.
They *are* the stupidest birds.
S7 E1Hey, Look Me Over
Hi, how did the hearing test go?
[to Dorothy] TELL HER WHAT THE DOCTOR SAID. TELL HER WHAT THE DOCTOR --
Ma's fine, okay?!
AND?
I need a hearing aid, okay?!
Wait a minute, Rose. Have you seen the rest of these pictures?
I'd rather not.
Honey, I think there's some mistake. Look, here's Blanche in bed with Charlie, but this one's Blanche in bed with a pontoon boat! Here's Blanche in bed with the big orange from the Sunkist building, and here's Blanche in bed with the Country Bear Jamboree! Honey do you know what this means?
I sure do. [to Blanche] My God, you're an animal!
Rose, can't you put yourself in my position?
Apparently I'm not limber enough. [looks to Dorothy for approval]
That was good.
Come on Blanche, you landed on your back more than..than... [turns to Dorothy for help]
The American Gladiators.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.