Listen, tell me I can't do better than this in my sleep. [Opens a book and begins to read] "He grabbed her. She could feel his fingers pressin' into her moist flesh. Her heart was poundin', her loins on fire. As he spun her around, her dress rippin' open..." You know how many times I've experienced that?
[puzzled] Your loins have been on fire?
Yes! [Reading again] "...she melted into..."
Where exactly are your loins?
Rose, it doesn't matter, just listen. "...she melted into his arms, faint now with the animal musk of him..."
I didn't know people had loins! I've heard of loin of pork...
[indicating Blanche] In her case, the same thing.
[Comparing Dorothy's situation to the book she plans to write] Just like my heroine, sicker and sicker. Though, of course, my heroine doesn't look like you. This is a romantic novel, not science fiction! [She walks out of the kitchen laughing]
Remind me, when I feel better, to kick the crap out of her.
What a waste, Rose Nylund in New York!
[to Dorothy] It's going to be a great trip, you wait and see. You're going to be cured, and I'm going to get to see the Big Potato!
[Blanche gives Dorothy a "See?" look]
I said she was comforting, I didn't say she was smart.
You know, there are all sorts of things that people get that they can't diagnose, and then they disappear as mysteriously as they came. Gustav Lundqvist got sick from something mysterious, and he nearly died - well, he did die, in fact. Then at the cemetery, Beatrice Lundqvist, his wife, kept screaming, "He's alive! He's alive! I can hear him from the grave!" Well, everybody thought it was the hallucinations of a grieving widow, so they sedated her. But when she woke up from her sedation, she told them that he said from the grave, "We never paid our '78 through '86 income taxes!" And his partner said, "Only Gustav would know that! He must be alive!" So, they all raced to the cemetery, and the entire town started digging like crazy, kneeling by the grave, using their hands even, dirt flying and Beatrice screaming. And when they opened that coffin, there he was... dead as a doornail.
What is the point of that ridiculous story, Rose?!
The point is, Gustav didn't die from his mysterious disease at all! He lived and recovered. The trouble is, he recovered while he was buried, so by the time they got to him, he'd died of suffocation.
I just don't believe these stories you tell, Rose!
Another tragic aspect was, the IRS was waiting at the cemetery to arrest Gustav's partner, Bergstrom. So, Bergstrom killed himself right then and there, by grabbing the gun from Sheriff Tokqvist and shooting himself. What they did then was, since the grave was still open, and everyone was right there, and Gustav and Bergstrom had been partners, so they put Bergstrom in with Gustav and had a double burial. Unfortunately, later they found out that Bergstrom wanted to be cremated.
Rose, what the hell are you doing?
I'm making omelets for us without yolks so we don't get too much cholesterol. That leaves us all these yolks which I hate to throw out, so I thought we'd give 'em to the homeless.
Fine, give them egg yolks. They'll die of heart attacks, they won't need homes. Your heart's in the right place, Rose, but I don't know where the hell your brain is!
[in the sperm bank during Becky's doctor's appointment] What in hell are we doin' here? I feel like I'm in the middle of some awful dream, yet I know it can't be a dream because there are no boy dancers.
I just cannot believe you are actually going to give money to someone like this "sperm pusher!" You are a Devereaux, a Devereaux has never had to pay for it, I certainly haven't.
She's always depended on the kindness of strangers.
Well, Mama, I'm going to do this whether you like it or not.
Oh? Oh, I see, missy. So this is the thanks I get for all those cold nights when you were a baby crying, and I had to get up out of bed and grope around in the dark for my slippers and robe, make my way all the way downstairs and, scream for the governess?!! [storms off]
My little girl is going to have a baby by artificial insemination.
[Rose, Sophia and Dorothy all pause and stare at Blanche with shocked expressions on their faces.]
I just can't bear to think about it.
[More silence and shocked expressions.]
I'm just being silly, aren't I?
[Yet more silence and shocked expressions.]
For God's sake, someone say something!
[shivering, making a disgusted face] Oooooooh!
Dorothy, what about you? You're always the sensible one around here, the free, modern thinker who keeps up with the times. Now what do you think?
[shivering, making a disgusted face] Oooooooh!
