TV show quotes
Yeah Blanche, so what? So life threw the dumb country girl a crumb for once. I mean, you're sexy and beautiful all the time. Let's face it, you have Bette Davis eyes and Freddy Krueger hands.
I have had it with you! I'm going into my room and may never come out. [Blanche storms off to her room]
Is it the weekend already?
Oh, Rose, silly, silly, water-retaining Rose.
[on why she takes her job at the nursing home seriously] Have you ever seen what happens to a person when their brain is allowed to disintegrate and their minds turn completely to mush?
[Sophia and Dorothy both turn to look at Rose, who is examining her left hand]
Hey, my middle finger's the longest!
Girls, what a glorious day! I just feel so pretty and alive, and young as a teenager!
Oh, that's terrific, Blanche. Oh, by the way, you got a phone call this morning from your grandson - he got his driver's license!
[The smile quickly fades from Blanche's face and she walks quickly out of the kitchen.]
[pointing to an elderly gentleman in the nursing home who has his arm around a woman] And that's Smokey. He fancies himself a ladies' man. Sort of the rooster of our little henhouse. Whatever you do, don't dance with him, he'll put the moves on anybody.
Smokey, I want you to meet my daughter---
MA!!!!
[reading the penny-saver ad, about which Rose and Blanche are very upset] "Does your face look like this? Do your hands look like this? You need Ponce de Leon Anti-Aging Cream!" [begins laughing hysterically, then notices Blanche and Rose glaring at her] I'd sue.
[snatching penny-saver out of Dorothy's hand] Dorothy Zbornak, how could you?! Oh, look - they have airbrushed liver spots all over us!!!
Tell me about it. You guys look like you should be barking on the front seat of a fire engine! [clams up when she sees Blanche and Rose glaring at her again] I really would sue.
I know but now there's more at stake, everything's changed. It's all new and exciting. In many ways I feel just the way I felt when I was a virgin.
You mean the feeling isn't gonna last long?
Are you implying I lost my virginity at an early age?
I'm just saying you're lucky Jack and Jill Magazine didn't have a gossip column.
Ma!
Please, pussycat, I'm on a roll.
I'm sorry, Sophia. But I'm not gonna let your skepticism ruin my entire evening. Mel and I were meant to be together.
I wish I could say the same for your thighs. God, I'm hot tonight.
I'm not gonna stand for this.
Take it, Dorothy!
But I'll bet you'll lay down for it.
Well that was just plain rude!
Some people just don't know when to quit.
[to Rose, who is sticking her head in the refrigerator, trying to see whether the glasses that she is testing fog up] Rose, leave the glasses in the refrigerator, close the door and keep your head out here with us.
Well, how will I know if they fog up?
The little man who lives in there who turns the light on and off, he'll tell you.
I'm not in the mood for jokes, especially about the little man. You know he scares me.
[talking about herself and Mel] When we're together, we laugh a lot.
Why wouldn't you? You're both naked.
[Rose does a mock interview on Dorothy for a reporting position she applied for]
Isn't it a fact that you have a drawer full of retirement home brochures, just waiting for the first sign of dribble on your mother's chin, to lock her away forever?
[Sophia looks shocked as Dorothy freezes up]
[laughs nervously] She's... she's kidding.
Your sock drawer, Dorothy. You know. The one you know who can't reach.
I knew you were keeping pictures there, but I had no idea, you disgust me!
Look, I don't have to stand for this!
Nail her, Rose! Nail her! Remember, a good reporter gets the story no matter what!
That sock drawer is MY business! Look, those times when Ma makes me crazy, I go in my room and have some pretend time, okay?!!
This is Rose Nylund signing off in a sad, sad situation. ... Thanks, Dorothy, that was fun!
[referring to Sophia] If anyone blows the whistle on me the old lady is out on the street.
Isn't she the most beautiful mother you have ever seen?
GRAND...just GRAND.
[Blanche walks in wearing a slutty medieval-esque costume]
Am I convincing?
As what, Ye Olde Town Slut?
[entering kitchen] Dorothy, when was the last time you had sex?
That's a very personal question.
That long, huh? Perfect. Then you shall be the Queen of the Festival of the Dancing Virgins.
Ma, what are you talking about?
Once a year, the women of my village threw a festival to recapture their virginity. It gives you a chance to say to the man in your life "What kind of tramp do you take me for?"
We had a Festival of the Dancing Virgins in St. Olaf, too. Every year we'd go down to the lake and they'd be flopping around on the dock... Oh no, wait, that was the Festival of the Dancing Sturgeons.
What is wrong with you, woman?
I don't know what I'm gonna do about Jason. He's reached a point in his life where he's anxious to settle down, he wants us to have another child right away. Well frankly, I don't know if I want another baby so soon.
I understand. Wait a couple of years and... [starts to laugh] Medicare will pay for it.
Why wait? Have it now and the Enquirer will pay for it!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
