Sophia Petrillo quotes from The Golden Girls

Sophia

I think I'm gonna cry. I think- [sneezes] Oh misjudged that one.

Sophia

Oh, I feel another sneeze coming on. [tears fall from her eyes] Well I'll be damned I'm actually about to cry.

Sophia

[thinking Rose and Blanche embracing are Dorothy and Lucas] I just love watching you two kiss. It- [notices it is Rose and Blanche] Whoa. Oops. What is this, Wimbledon?

Dorothy

Ma, the taxi driver said you promised him a $67 dollar tip!

Sophia

Don't be silly, I said a $6, $7 dollar tip! Why don't these people learn English if they're gonna live here? This is Miami - I'd have less trouble getting around Ecuador!

Rose

Sit down, Sophia. You must be exhausted.

Sophia

Why? I rode in the cab, I didn't push it!

[to Sophia] You must be Blanche's sister.

Sophia

You must be blind!

Blanche

[to Harry] Sophia's home just burned down.

[to Sophia] That's terrible!

Sophia

Not to me. It was a retirement home, and you know what they did? They set off the fire alarm, in a retirement home. Who can rush? Half the people have walkers, the other half can't get out of their chairs. But they've got bells going off like crazy! You know what that does to hearts that only beat a few times a week? It's not pretty!

Rose

Oh Sophia, did we wake you?

Sophia

I heard noise, I thought it was robbers, so I hid my jewels. Now I can't remember where.

Dorothy

Ma, you don't have any jewels.

Sophia

Thank God, because I can't find them.

Dorothy

Let's go out and celebrate.

Sophia

What, that she came out of her room?

Dorothy

Tell me, how is Blanche?

Rose

She didn't go to work again today. It's been three weeks and she just sits in her room. The museum's gonna fire her.

Dorothy

Well, we've tried everything. Golf, the movies, theater tickets. She wouldn't even budge for Julio Iglesias.

Rose

I know grief. It takes time.

Dorothy

Please, Rose. Listen, if you're Irish, you have a wake. You eat, you cry, you drink, you vomit, and you're done. If you're Jewish, you cry, you sit, you eat for seven days, you put on ten pounds, and it's over. We Italians scream, dress up a donkey, hire a band, and that's that. It's these southern Protestants who make it a way of life.

Sophia

When I go, put me in a steel sack and leave me on the curb next to the cans.

Blanche

[seeing herself in a mirror lying down] I'm going to have to meet men lying down.

Sophia

I thought you did.

Dorothy

Who cares Rose! Did you and Arnie hit the sheets or not?!

Sophia

Dorothy!

Dorothy

...sorry.

Rose

Some women don't like to kiss and tell.

Blanche

Oh, shoot, honey, that's half the fun! Why, most of the men I've dated just for the stories!

Dorothy

You must have more stories than O. Henry.

Rose

[about Blanche] Wherever she goes, she finds a man!

Sophia

So do hookers.

Blanche

She's dying.

Dorothy

What?

Blanche

My sister's dying.

Rose

[entering] What?

Sophia

Dying, she's dying.

Rose

[assuming Blanche is dying] Oh my God, Blanche! I didn't even know you were sick.

Dorothy

I do not snore.

Sophia

Please, I'll bet less disgusting noises come out of Ernest Borgnine!

Dorothy

Ma, I do not snore.

Sophia

Please, I had to turn you away from the windows so you wouldn't inhale the drapes!