[to Hilary] I've been busting my hump ever since you got a job.
S2Hilary Gets a Life
[Philip reads off the family's credit card bills]
Carlton, ninety dollars for a pair of socks? That's ridiculous.
It certainly is. Oh Philip, that's nine dollars.
Oh...Ashley. How could you manage to charge eighty dollars worth of trinkets on our account at the drug store?
That's eighty cents. Sweety, do you need to get your eyes checked?
Don't be ridiculous Vivian.
This has been going on for months. If you move the TV any closer to the bed, I'll be sleeping with Jay Leno.
Now, this looks like it says "300 dollars for shoes." What's that say?
300 dollars for shoes.
Point being?
S2My Brother's Keeper
[Will and Tyriq are sitting at the table eating]
Will, you shouldn't be eating that garbage. Everybody knows while you're in training: no fats, no chocolate and no women.
Then I should probably cancel my date with that fat chocolate woman.
Will, you better listen to me if you want me to be your manager.
My manager? I don't even want you to be my cousin.
I didn't hear that.
He says, HE DON'T EVEN WANT YOU BE HIS COUSIN!
S2Geoffrey Cleans Up
(Geoffrey's down on his millionaire girlfriend, and Will starts singing the blues and playing harmonica)
WWill (singing)
...My butler is black ...My butler is blue ...'Cause his honey's got green ...coming out her wazoo.
(Carlton helps his father try on wigs.)
What do you think of this one, Dad?
I look like Little Richard, Attorney at Law.
Dinner is served. (sees Philip) A-whop-bop-aloobop-a-wop-bam-boom!
S2Community Action
(Geoffrey sneezes)
Geoffrey, it sounds like you're getting a cold.
Geoffrey (speaking with nose stuffed up): Not at all, madam. It was barely a stipple. There you go, Master William.
Thanks a lot, G. It looks great.
(Geoffrey sneezes in Will's cereal)
Yo, Carlton. Breakfast!
S2Ill Will
Will Smith, tonsils.
MMax
Max Jakey... everything else. Sweaty palms, kid? First-timer, huh?
Man, you trippin'. I was 15 when I first... You mean surgery.
BDr. Baylor
[his glasses on his head] I've gotta find those glasses.
[prays] God, please don't let me leave here with breasts.
S2Eyes on the Prize
(to Will, about Tyriq) What's he doing here?
(to Will, about Jazz) No, what's he doing here?
Now, y'all not still mad about that watch thing.
He sold me a fake Rolex.
He paid with a fake $20.
[to Tyriq] Now, first of all. You should have known it was fake when you saw that the warranty was only for two hours. [to Jazz] And you should have known the Jackson on the $20 ain't Jermaine.
They all look the same to me.
BEBob Eubanks
What is the capital of Ohio?
(Tyriq buzzes in)
EEubanks
Tyriq?
That would be the capital "O", Bob.
S2Those Were the Days
Marge, when you told Will that we chained ourselves together at sit-ins, you're only giving him the romantic part of the struggle. Girlfriend, you are leaving out everything that went before it: the leaflets, the petitions, the years of trying to work through the system.
MMarge
The system doesn't work. You have to blow the door down. Looks to me like you forgot that.
You talk as if I wasn't there with you in Birmingham facing dogs and firehoses. This is me, Olufemi, the same Olufemi that was with you the night Harlem went up in flames, but now I have a family and I choose not to fight in the streets. I have an office to fight from and I have fought and won cases for fair housing, affirmative action, health care and I am not ashamed to write a big fat check for something I believe in and that doesn't make me any less committed than you, so don't you dare look down your damn nose at me, Adebola.
Philip (to Marge): Remember Woodstock?
MMarge
Yes.
Twenty of us tried to squeeze into that tent. Vivian and I jumped into that lake naked.
I wasn't at Woodstock.
S2Vying for Attention
Vivian (to Geoffrey): So, how's the chicken holding up?
I'm afraid it's drier than happy hour at the Betty Ford Center, madam.
I know my Ma. She's just trying to get to her retirement plan and her rocking chair.
Is that why she's moonwalking up the driveway?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.