Penny quotes from The Big Bang Theory

Zack

I'm not sure about this, I heard splitting affects the children.

Penny

Zack, we don't have any children!

Zack

Are you sure? Cause you didn't even know we were married until this morning.

Bernadette

You know, I was thinking. Without Sheldon, most of us would have never met, but Penny would have still lived across from him.

Amy

And with Leonard out of the picture, we all know what that would mean.

Penny

We do?

Penny

Hey, Sheldon.

Sheldon

Hello.

Penny

Doing laundry?

Sheldon

Of course I’m doing laundry. Saturday night is laundry night and I’m in a laundry room, so… I believe your inference is justified.

Penny

Oh my inference is justified. Sheldon you are so funny, Anyway, I need to do my laundry, too, because these clothes are so dirty. Almost as dirty as the dirty girl who is wearing them.

Penny

[Listening to the story.] OK, that’s enough.

Disagree.

Penny

[pointing to her bra] So what do you think?

Sheldon

A tad asymmetrical, but nothing to be concerned about.

Penny

Please Sheldon, I need you.

Sheldon

To what?

Penny

To take me.

Sheldon

I’m not taking you anywhere till you put on a shirt.

Penny

Come on, Sheldon. You and me right here.

Sheldon

Penny for the thousandth time. I’m saving myself for someone special. Perhaps a cute bespectacled neuroscientist with hair the color of mud.

Penny

I think I know how to change your mind.

That’s enough.

Leonard

[on the phone] Yes, how much for a hundred long stemmed red roses? Really? How much for three?

Penny

[entering] Hey.

Leonard

I’ll call you back.

Penny

Look I know you we’re trying to help with your Star Wars thing. I didn't mean to call it idiotic.

Leonard

Well, I don’t think you called it idiotic.

Penny

Oh. Sorry. I meant to. Anyway. Um. I was just upset with myself. I wasn't mad at you. I feel like everything is falling apart.

Leonard

Come on. It’s okay.

Penny

No it’s not okay. Look at me. Okay. I took a temp job as a waitress like forever ago and I’m still doing it. And I can’t quit because guess what I can’t do anything else. And I finally get my big break. And it goes away. I’m such a mess.

Leonard

No, you’re not.

Penny

Really? ‘Cause this morning at Starbucks a pair of old underwear fell out of my pant leg. And it wasn't the only one in there.

Leonard

Okay, listen to me; this is just a minor setback.

Penny

No it’s not. I've been out here for like ten years and have nothing to show for it.

Leonard

Well, you have me.

Penny

You’re right. I do have you. Hmm. Let’s get married.

Leonard

What?

Penny

Ohh. [kneeling] Leonard Hofstadter. Will you marry me?

Leonard

Umm.

Penny

Did you seriously just say, “Umm?”

Leonard

Look you know I love you, but you’re…you’re drunk and sad and feeling lost…

Penny

Okay. So-so, you don’t want to marry me?

Leonard

That is not what I said.

Penny

No, forget it. I take it back, the offer’s off the table.

Sheldon

[entering] Who is in the mood to laugh?

Leonard

Really not a good time.

Sheldon

But I used science to construct the perfect joke.

Penny

I’m going to go.

Leonard

Penny don’t.

Penny

No, no. I just need to be alone.

Penny

Why doesn't Leonard get it?

Sheldon

He’s not like us, Penny. We’re dreamers.

Leonard

Yes. I thought we were in the kind of relationship where we make decisions together. If I’m wrong, maybe we should talk about the kind of relationship we are in.

Penny

Yeah, well, maybe we do.

Sheldon

I’m willing if you guys are.

Leonard

Can we please have some privacy?

Sheldon

No, I’m as much a part of this relationship as you two. I think that it is high time that we put all our cards on the table. For example, where is this going? Are you two ever getting married? And if so, where will we all live? Have you thought about that?

Leonard

No.

Sheldon

Penny?

Penny

Okay, wait? What are we doing?

Leonard

For some reason, we’re planning a future where we both live with Sheldon forever.

Bernadette

You guys ever thought of getting a dining room table?

Amy

Yeah, you actually do have room for one up there.

Oh sure! I sit on the floor for years, no one cares. The pretty white girl sat 10 seconds and suddenly we’re all running to IKEA.

Sheldon

No one is running anywhere. We're not getting a dining room table.

Leonard

I know you don't like change, but it's not a terrible idea.

Penny

You guys never use that space up there. Why not get a table?

Sheldon

Do you want the long answer or the short answer?

Howard

How come we never get that option?

Sheldon

Chaos theory suggests that even in a deterministic system if the equation is describing its behavior in non-linear, a tiny change in the initial conditions can lead to a cataclysmic and unpredictable result.

Penny

Translation?

Leonard

[Imitating a baby] Wah! I don't want a table!

Penny

It's a sequel of that awful killer gorilla movie I was in.

Bernadette

Serial Ape-ist? I thought you died in that.

Sheldon

She does. 42 minutes in.

While showering topless, 16 minutes after brief side butt during a pillow fight with her sorority sisters.

Sheldon

I have an eidetic memory. I don't know what his problem is.

Leonard

[after Sheldon runs from the room] You're not even going to ask?

Penny

What is this? My first day?

Sheldon

Quick poll: PS4 or Xbox One? Raj?

Xbox One.

Sheldon

Penny?

Penny

Huh?

Sheldon

Leonard?

Leonard

PS4.

Sheldon

Wolowitz?

Howard

Both are great.

Sheldon

Bernadette?

Bernadette

I like the Wii!

Sheldon

Thanks grandma.

Sheldon

Why do we have a geology book? Leonard, did you throw a children's party while I was in Texas?

Penny

Wait, what's wrong with geology?

Sheldon

Let me put this in a way you'll understand Penny. You remember how you explained to me that the Kardashians aren't real celebrities? Well, geology is the Kardashians of science.

Penny

So we're about to shoot this scene in the movie where the killer ape DNA is slowly taking over my body.

Leonard

Okay.

Penny

But I realize they're gluing fur everywhere, except my cleavage. So, I ask the director why and he says it's important to the story that my boobs be the last things to turn ape.

Leonard

It's sweet that he thinks there's a story.

Penny

[running to a psychic's booth] I think I see our next stop!

Sheldon

You can't be serious. If I wanted to waste my time on nonsense, I’d follow Leonard on Instagram.

Penny

There's no reason why I shouldn't be the best bisexual go-go dancer slowly transforming into a killer gorilla anyone's ever seen.

Leonard

I don't know. The bisexual gorilla go-go dancer in Schindler's List is tough to beat.

Leonard

C'mon, how can you be sad when you're going home with all 5-foot-6 of this? [Gestures at himself]

Penny

You think you're 5-foot-6. That's funny.

Penny

You taught him well, Padawan.

Sheldon

Good lord. Padawan's the student, not the teacher.