Tim quotes from The Awesomes

Tim

I'm 11. I'm not a little kid.

Impresario

Yeah, but you're Asian. That makes you look younger.

Tim

Okay, that's racist.

Impresario

Hey, everyone knows the saying: black don't crack, white is tight, and Asians look younger.

Muscleman

I've never heard that last one before.

Gadget Gal

Or the second one.

Impresario

Well, it's usually "White is terrible," but I didn't want to offend you guys.

Prock

I was able to track Whiskey Dick's heat signature. After leaving here, he landed in Dusselforf, then transported to Madrid.

Muscleman

Oh, my God. He's in... Florida.

Tim

Well, technically, Germany and Spain.

Tim

Robots can get drunk?

Gadget Gal

And do ecstasy. You should see some of the robots I party with.

Gadget Gal

Well, if you ever want a real woman, call me.

Perfect Man

Oh, Spaldetta's a real woman, all right. All curves.

Tim

Because she's a ball.

Perfect Man

This guy knows what I'm talking about.

Gadget Gal

I am sticky all over. Reminds me of the time...

Tim

I so don't want to hear the end of that sentence.

Frantic

Ooh, oh this is just the best. So much better than the theme park I went to as a kid. "Wet Place." That was just a wet washcloth in the middle of a cornfield.

Tim

Where did you grow up again?

Frantic

In the middle of a cornfield.

Muscleman

You know, I read dolphin fishing is killing all the tuna.

Tim

It's the other way around.

Muscleman

Sorry. Killing all of the tuna is dolphin fishing, I read.

Tim

Great.

Muscleman

I didn't read it, I saw it on TV.

Tim

Do you guys know anything about musicals?

Concierge

Yes. Musicals are a combination of acting, singing, and dancing, that tend to diminish the quality of all three disciplines. People who like them tend to be on the dumb side.

Did you hear about the helicopter that crashed in a Belgian cemetery?

Tim

No.

The rescue teams have found over two hundred and sixty dead people. Why wasn't Jesus born in Belgium?

Concierge

Why?

God couldn't find three wise men. Have you ever tried Belgian kissing?

Tim

Uh, no.

It's like French kissing, but more Flemish.

I'm going to show you an inkblot, and you tell me what you see.

Muscleman

Umm, an inkblot.

Hotwire

A butterfly.

Impresario

The cat after Muscleman juggled it to death.

Concierge

Break-dancing skeleton.

Tim

Alan Moore's The Watchmen.

Gadget Gal

The pubic hair of Lillian Gish.

Concierge

You can't go.

Frantic

Whaaat? But I had Impresario make this tux for me.

Concierge

It's for women only.

Gadget Gal

Although I've always considered gay men the women of the male community.

Muscleman

Yeah, I want to go. Women only; that's sexist. Men want to look at girls' butts, too.

Concierge

We're not going there to look at girls' butts.

Muscleman

Oh, you're a breast man.

We're going to support other women.

Muscleman

Oh, so you're a bra man.

Tim

That doesn't make any sense.

Muscleman

It makes a little bit of sense.

Tim

What's the Gay Mafia?

Impresario

The world's first openly gay super villain team.

Tim

Good for them, except the villain part.

Impresario

They're into all kinds of shady rackets. Counterfeiting antiques, blackmailing closeted celebrities, interior design.

Dr. Malocchio

How did you know where to find me?

Gadget Gal

I remembered that back when you were good and you used to help out The Awesomes, the first thing you would do after every mission was to run home to see your wife.

Tim

Ah, that's so sweet.

Gadget Gal

You always talked about how excited you were to have sex with her.

Impresario

Less sweet.

Gadget Gal

You would even talk about your favorite position.

Tim

That's enough.

Gadget Gal

The wet sailor.

Dr. Malocchio

Ah, the wet sailor.

Tim

Ah, please stop.

Gadget Gal

The fact is, you always put your family on top.