Mr. Awesome quotes from The Awesomes

But you are very bright. Why not use those smarts? Be a doctor, a lawyer, start a photo blog?

Relax, Malocchio. This antidote contains everything wholesome and innocent in the world. Rainbows, cotton candy, children's laughter, panda bears. But mainly chemicals.

Perfect Man, got a sec? I have a rally tomorrow. Which tie do you think looks more Presidential? Blue with red stripes or napalm with eagles?

Perfect Man

Mr. Awesome, you are in many ways the father I never had.

And you, Perfect Man, are like the son I never had.

Prock

I'm his son.

Muscleman

Right. But he's never had a son like Perfect Man.

Prock

That's not how the phrase is used.

Dr. Malocchio

The last thing I remember is the explosion and being pulled up to Heaven.

Heaven? You? (laughs) I'm sorry. You thought you were going to Heaven?

Dr. Malocchio

Okay, I know I wasn't the greatest guy. But I once did a 5K run for breast cancer.

Dr. Malocchio

What do you want this year?

I don't know if I really need anything.

Dr. Malocchio

But what do you want in your deepest, darkest fantasy?

Amazon gift card!

How do you feel?

Dr. Malocchio

I'm going to be honest with you. I'm still evil. What? I don't get credit with you for being honest?

I don't know what to tell you. You just told me you're evil..

Dr. Malocchio

I can't win with you.

Well, I've tried everything, but nothing works. I guess I'll just shoot you into the sun.

Dr. Malocchio

What?

I'm sorry, Dr. Malocchio. I know it's not your fault you turned evil. You're an evil villain, what do you want me to do?

Dr. Malocchio

But I hate the sun.

I have no choice.

Dr. Malocchio

I sunburn easily.

Wear a hat.

Dr. Malocchio

Do you have any sunscreen? My dermatologist is not going to like this.

I know how I can turn you good again.

Dr. Malocchio

How's that?

Blood.

Dr. Malocchio

This is a weird day.

Perfect Man! How are you?

Perfect Man

Good. I'm much less of a dick these days.

What made you decide to risk everything and run for President?

Standerson, it's simple. Freedom is not just a word, freedom is a thing, a thing that is also a word, a word thing. That's what I'm fighting for.

Well said, Mr. Awesome.

I know you're a great superhero, but what can you say to assure us you understand the problems of regular Americans?

What can I say; nothing. I'd never be able to understand the petty problems of people without powers. I save the world, you do God knows what. I can't even believe you call them problems if I'm being totally honest, right? (everyone stares) I feel like I'm phrasing that all wrong.

I don't know how to deal with these parasites.

Prock

Well, for one thing, I wouldn't call the voters parasites.

Hm, I see your point. Danny, kill the new campaign poster.

Perfect Man

Don't you need me to knock down doors?

On election day, you knock on doors. You don't knock them down.

Perfect Man

Well, I was definitely gonna do that wrong.

The world wasn't going to support a hero who had multiple children out of wedlock.

Perfect Man

Tell that to the NBA.