Impresario Clone quotes from The Awesomes

Impresario

And yeah, sometimes it does bother me. I mean, it's embarrassing. I conjure up a tank to run over a bad guy, and the tank tells me to wipe crumbs from my mouth. On the other hand, I did have those crumbs on my mouth so I would have been embarrassed either way.

Impresario

It feels pretty good to stop a bad guy again, even if I did have to use my mama as a prophylactic.

Impresario

If one of you thinks there's even a tiny chance that it is your hand currently up my butt, please retract it!

Impresario

So, how does this work? Do I get a secret identity? Perhaps wealthy philanthropist? In which case you should probably procure me a mansion and fancy butler.

Concierge

You live in a room at Awesome Headquarters and get paid every other Thursday.

Impresario

The hell?

Muscleman

What's this big fellow called?

Concierge

Compost.

Frantic

What is he?

Concierge

It's a sentient mass of mutated waste.

Impresario

So it literally has *bleep* for brains.

Gadget Gal

Boy, you Orientals are strict.

Hey!

Gadget Gal

What? It's not like I called them cat-eaters.

Hey!

Gadget Gal

Oh, they eat cats and I'm the monster.

Concierge

For what it's worth, she's not actually racist for her age.

Impresario

I'm pretty sure she is.

Concierge

Shhh.

Hotwire

Prock, should we arrest them? Or something?

Prock

For what? Lying to their son?

Impresario

My momma never lies to me. She tells me that I'm God's most beautiful creation. And she is right.

Frantic

My parents told me that when I was in my momma's belly, I ate my twin. They would tell me that a lot.

Frantic

It's like they're cool-looking versions of us.

Concierge

Not cool: evil! They're evil versions of us. And I'll add, evil version of me looks kind of whorish.

Impresario

That's a pretty great coat, though.

Concierge

Figures evil me would have style. I bet she has boyfriends instead of cats, too.

We are... the Astoundings.

Impresario

Astoundings? Shouldn't you have, like, a kind of an opposite name, like *bleep*?

Gadget Gal

*bleep* works for me.

Watch that mouth, Dorothy. You ain't in Kansas anymore.

Gadget Gal

No, but we did find ourselves a witch.

Muscleman

So which Earth is this? Earth 2?

Concierge

No, it's opposites. Which means this is Earth 4. Earth 2 is where everybody is really fat.

Frantic

What's Earth 3?

Concierge

Earth 3 is run by apes.

Gadget Gal

I thought Earth 3 was Nazis.

Concierge

It was, then the apes went to war with the Nazis and took over.

Impresario

Way to go, apes!

Muscleman

I would have really liked to see the Nazi-ape war.

Muscleman

Ah, that was fun.

Prock

Fun?

Muscleman

Well, technically, it was awful. But I'm going to say it was fun because we're on opposite Earth. I think it's important to try and fit in.

Impresario

Ooh, I like that. I mean, I hate that.

Concierge

You guys are geniuses. i.e,. idiots.

Prock

Everyone, stop talking.

Tim

Don't you mean, "nobody start being quiet"?

Prock

Arrgh.

Frantic

The correct expression is, "Yay!"

Prock

What?

Tim

Sometimes we forget you're smart.

Prock

I'm a super-genius. How can you forget that?

Impresario

I guess the other stuff like being injury-prone and whiny kind of takes first position.

Prock

I'm not whiny!

Muscleman

Ha. Good opposite Earth joke.

Prock

First of all, we didn't zip. We were zapped. Huge difference.

Impresario

I may have zapped my pants on re-entry, if you know what I mean.

Tim

Uh, who wouldn't know what you mean?

Gadget Gal

In my day our men kept their feelings bottled up inside. Just a churning mass of emotions and rage they could never show the outside world. Eventually that pressure would be too much to bear. The weak ones would blow their brains out, but the strong ones would use it. They'd use it in the bedroom. And it would turn them from men into animals who exploded with passion. And then when it was over, they'd cry out, "Mama! Mama!" And then you'd have to slap them and say, "I ain't your mama and I never will be, but if you think you can muster the energy, I'd happily take another ride.

Tim

I just hit puberty.

Impresario

*bleep*

Prock

But I'm not crazy.

Impresario

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt, baby.

Frantic

Nope, it's also a stripper my daddy used to let sleep over. Ohh, Mary Ann Denial. You are likely dead.