Tim quotes from The Awesomes

It's okay. Concierge was boring and we didn't mind.

I thought you weren't listening.

Listening to what?

View quote →

Ah, that was fun.

Fun?

Well, technically, it was awful. But I'm going to say it was fun because we're on opposite Earth. I think it's important to try and fit in.

Ooh, I like that. I mean, I hate that.

You guys are geniuses. i.e,. idiots.

Everyone, stop talking.

Tim

Don't you mean, "nobody start being quiet"?

Arrgh.

The correct expression is, "Yay!"

View quote →

Holy crap! He looks just like Tom Boy, your arch-enemy who's a lesbian and totally in love with you except on this Earth, he's a crazy hot dude.

Mama gives Earth 4 a perfect 10.

Handy Man

Say there, sister. Would you be insulted if a fella would...?

Make passionate love to me over by the sanitary sewer overflow juncture? I'd be honored.

Tim

I wish I hadn't heard any of that.

View quote →

What?

Tim

Sometimes we forget you're smart.

I'm a super-genius. How can you forget that?

I guess the other stuff like being injury-prone and whiny kind of takes first position.

I'm not whiny!

Ha. Good opposite Earth joke.

View quote →

Handy Man

Wanna find some room under the pasta bar? I make a mean penne ala sausage.

Tim

I need to stop hearing stuff like that.

View quote →

It's been some ride, my Handy Man. You've done things to my lady parts that I will not soon forget.

Handy Man

And no one has ever treated a tool as well as you treated mine. And I should know. I'm... the Handy Man.

Tim

At this point, I should admit to myself I like it.

View quote →

First of all, we didn't zip. We were zapped. Huge difference.

I may have zapped my pants on re-entry, if you know what I mean.

Tim

Uh, who wouldn't know what you mean?

View quote →

In my day our men kept their feelings bottled up inside. Just a churning mass of emotions and rage they could never show the outside world. Eventually that pressure would be too much to bear. The weak ones would blow their brains out, but the strong ones would use it. They'd use it in the bedroom. And it would turn them from men into animals who exploded with passion. And then when it was over, they'd cry out, "Mama! Mama!" And then you'd have to slap them and say, "I ain't your mama and I never will be, but if you think you can muster the energy, I'd happily take another ride.

Tim

I just hit puberty.

*bleep*

View quote →

Tim

You need to ask yourself, why am I rampaging?

WWombat

Uh, cause Wombat like rampaging. And stealing. Must steal. I mean, rampaging not pay very well.

View quote →

Robots? Holy crap.

Tim

Yeah, what did you think was happening?

No time to think! Now, to think about what to do.

View quote →

Tim

The robots are malfunctioning.

I'm about to malfunction my lunch. if you know what I mean.

Tim

Again, who wouldn't know what you mean?

View quote →

If you can describe the alien, I can cross-check the database and find their home planet.

Hmm, how best to describe it?

I would say it had a... healthy face, with a buxom overtone.

To use the parlance of cows, I would say there was an udder quality.

Tim

It looked like the magazines under my dad's bed.

Ah, just say it. It had tits for eyes.

Gleeborian.

Tim

That's a funny name.

It's a Syrenthian word.

Tim

What does it mean?

"Tits for eyes."

View quote →

You can't just put on a suit and start saving people.

So you're upset he stopped those criminals?

"Alleged" criminals. That's the problem with these vigilantes. They jump to conclusions when we don't even have all the facts.

Tim

They were pointing a gun at her.

And one of them said, "Don't mess with me. I'm a criminal."

Until we have all the facts, we just don't know.

Yeah, maybe she's the one who was attacking them.

Exactly.

Or maybe it didn't even happen, and we're not even watching the news, and it's just tiny people putting on a play inside our TV.

Well, no, it's not that. It's never that.

View quote →

Tim

So let me get this straight, all six of you are coming with me?

Uh, actually seven. Nope. Nope. Six. I did Gadget Gal twice.

Many have.

View quote →

Tim, be a dear and fetch another sixer from the upstairs fridge. And grab one for yourself.

Tim

Umm, I'm 11 years old.

So? When I was your age, I was working three jobs to support an Irish-Catholic family of 15 people. Taking a long swig from the bottle at the end of the day might have been the only thing that kept me alive.

Tim

Heh. Actually, while moderate drinking...

I didn't ask for your life story, kid. Just get the beers.