Dr. Giuseppe Malocchio quotes from The Awesomes

Dr. Malocchio

Wonderful. I'm going to need a Tom Ford suit, some tuna carpaccio, three hookers, and one of those smartphones. A really, really smart phone. Wonderful, let's hop to it. Evil to be done!

Dr. Malocchio

Now, to get this ray downstairs. (calls) Hello, I need some help with my luggage. How many bags? Umm... one, but it's not really a bag. It's more of a ray gun. But not like an evil ray gun, like a regular one. How many guys will it take? I should have thought this through. Is fifty too many? Yeah, I thought so. It sounded high when I said it. Let's say 48 guys. Ah, thank you. (hangs up) It begins. (laughs maniacally, the phone rings) Hello? Yes, now. Did I not say now? Yeah, I need it right now.

Dr. Malocchio

Hello, I'm Dr. Malocchio. As of ten minutes ago, the only people with superpowers are me and my henchmen. I'd say make your peace with God, but... I'm the only God now. So get some sleep, I'll see you guys tomorrow. It's going to be a busy day.

Dr. Malocchio

And please donate my body to science. But only if it's evil science.

Dr. Malocchio

My son, you must safeguard this serum at all cost. And it is up to you, my dear Giuseppi, to keep it out of the wrong hands, to make sure no one uses it to become the monster I turned into many years ago and have remained for the greater part of my life, although if I'm being honest, the monster years were the fun ones.

Dr. Malocchio

Oh, no, being evil is the worse. I can give you some evil tips, though. When you strangle someone, hold your hands like this.

Dr. Malocchio

Like that movie Gravity.

Dr. Malocchio

But now there is nowhere to run and nowhere to hide.

Run! Hide!

Dr. Malocchio

What did I just say about running and hiding? What does a guy have to do to be listened to?

Prock

That's enough!

Dr. Malocchio

Okay, that's right. That's enough. Should I just give you the gun?

Prock

Are you serious?

Dr. Malocchio

Of course I'm not!

Dr. Malocchio

Now you can't walk down the street without worrying some brawny so-called hero is going to be swinging a girder like a baseball bat just to stop a simple bank heist.

Muscleman

I do that. It's really fun.

Dr. Malocchio

Is it happening?

Yes, Dr. Malocchio. The Awesomes are trapped.

Dr. Malocchio

Heh heh. Wonderful. All is going exactly as planned. Now all we have to do is wait.

Or... we could get sushi and come back.

Dr. Malocchio

Ooh, sushi. Yes!

Dr. Malocchio

Do you have it?

No, but I'm getting closer.

Dr. Malocchio

Close is for horseshoes, hand grenades, and three-alarm chili. I despise chili.

Hotwire

You lied to me, too. You told me this was for the betterment of mankind.

Dr. Malocchio

As a rule, don't listen to people who say things like "the betterment of mankind." On average they're usually *bleep*.

Dr. Malocchio

Piece of advice: don't have kids.

I can't. You see, I was in this terrible nuclear accident...

Dr. Malocchio

Did I ask for your life story? Because I don't recall asking for your life story.

Sorry.

Dr. Malocchio

Bravo, Muscleman. You have done excellent work. (Muscleman laughs) Hey, what's so funny?

Muscleman

It's just that I'm about to say something for the first time that people have been saying to me my whole life.

Dr. Malocchio

What's that?

Muscleman

You're an idiot.