Prock quotes from The Awesomes

Prock

They would never walk over Dad like this. He would stick out his jaw and tell them absolutely not. I'm in charge now, that's what I have to do. Of course, I don't really have my father's jaw. His is almost a perfect square, and mine is weak and soft. Man, of all the things I didn't get from my dad, the thing I want most is that big ole jaw. So sticking out the jaw is a no-go.

Prock

You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy then in... the suburbs.

Prock

It may seem nice now, but when vigilantes flaunt the law, people can get hurt. Now let's run into this store and wave guns around.

Prock

Well, at least Harry was able to reconcile with the Hendersons.

Prock

I don't understand what's going on. Why would Jaclyn be at Malocchio Jr.'s lair? She didn't seem to be working in a professional capacity. Something about the way she tried to claw my eyes out.

Prock

That's enough!

Dr. Malocchio

Okay, that's right. That's enough. Should I just give you the gun?

Prock

Are you serious?

Dr. Malocchio

Of course I'm not!

Muscleman

Perfectman, over you? Why? Because he's stronger, because he's faster, handsomer? Because he can fly, because of his hair? His hair is awesome.

Prock

You're not helping.

Perfect Man

Mr. Awesome, you are in many ways the father I never had.

And you, Perfect Man, are like the son I never had.

Prock

I'm his son.

Muscleman

Right. But he's never had a son like Perfect Man.

Prock

That's not how the phrase is used.

Prock

And what's going on?

By the order of the President of the United States, we are Implementing Code 33.

Muscleman

Thirty-three is my ATM PIN code.

Prock

PIN codes are four digits.

Muscleman

That probably explains why money never comes out.

Prock

How many are interested?

Concierge

None.

Prock

Did you say nine?

Concierge

None.

Prock

When you say none...?

Concierge

A hundred and twenty-six gave a flat no, forty-five laughed at me, and three told me to tell you to go *bleep* yourself. Which I told them I was not going to do.

Prock

Thanks for that.

Concierge

Maybe you're right. This is the new Awesomes, after all. Our bar is lower.

Muscleman

Ohhh, that's a good slogan.

Prock

That's not a good slogan.

Tim is 11 years old, but he is very strong.

And very hard working. Tim is not lazy or weak like American heroes.

Prock

We're all American heroes.

And look at you. Stupid, fat, crazy, and weak. How did I do?

Concierge

Not bad.

Muscleman

Everyone watches this show. It's your chance to tell the world the Awesomes are alive and you are in charge.

Prock

But it's a gotcha show. He's going to try to trick me into looking stupid.

Muscleman

Or is it a "getcha" show, where after the interview, people will get ya.

Prock

There's no such thing as a "getcha" show.

Muscleman

Gotcha.

Can I start by reading some quotes about you?

Prock

Sure.

"Will never be his father." "A pale imitation." "A family shame." "Adopted."

Prock

Whose quotes are these?

Mine.

Who are these people?

Prock

Oh, no. It's The Animal Kingdom.

Oh, they are so cute. Ah, look at you. You guys are precious.

Silence, whore, or I will rip your tongue from your gullet.

Wow. That is *bleep* up.

Prock

Yep.