Gadget Gal quotes from The Awesomes

Gadget Gal

It's been some ride, my Handy Man. You've done things to my lady parts that I will not soon forget.

Handy Man

And no one has ever treated a tool as well as you treated mine. And I should know. I'm... the Handy Man.

Tim

At this point, I should admit to myself I like it.

Gadget Gal

Who wants some nose candy?

Gadget Gal

And by that, I mean Dr. Bloomer's Nose Lozenges.

Prock

Oh, that's fine, then.

Gadget Gal

Made from pure cocaine.

Gadget Gal

In my day our men kept their feelings bottled up inside. Just a churning mass of emotions and rage they could never show the outside world. Eventually that pressure would be too much to bear. The weak ones would blow their brains out, but the strong ones would use it. They'd use it in the bedroom. And it would turn them from men into animals who exploded with passion. And then when it was over, they'd cry out, "Mama! Mama!" And then you'd have to slap them and say, "I ain't your mama and I never will be, but if you think you can muster the energy, I'd happily take another ride.

Tim

I just hit puberty.

Impresario

*bleep*

Concierge

If you can describe the alien, I can cross-check the database and find their home planet.

Prock

Hmm, how best to describe it?

Gadget Gal

I would say it had a... healthy face, with a buxom overtone.

Frantic

To use the parlance of cows, I would say there was an udder quality.

Tim

It looked like the magazines under my dad's bed.

Impresario

Ah, just say it. It had tits for eyes.

Concierge

Gleeborian.

Tim

That's a funny name.

Concierge

It's a Syrenthian word.

Tim

What does it mean?

Concierge

"Tits for eyes."

You were always smart as a whip.

Gadget Gal

And I know how to use one in the bedroom.

Prock

The Gopher King!

Muscleman

Wait! Are you sure he's not Badger Man or the Evil Weasel?

Concierge

Badger Man's dead and the Evil Weasel only burrows for good, remember?

Gadget Gal

I know I shouldn't say this, but they all look the same to me.

Frantic

I'm Frantic, pretty much the fastest man alive and currently the most popular member of the Awesomes. And this lovely lady is Gadget Gal.

Gadget Gal

I'm here because he told me there would be pudding.

Frantic

You will get this pudding when this is over! Now smile and be TV-friendly for once.

Prock

Wow. Thanks, Gadget Gal. I've spent my whole life thinking I wasn't half the hero my dad was.

Gadget Gal

Well, you're wrong. You're exactly half the man your dad was.

Gadget Gal

Well, I think this Metal Fella is a tall drink of water. He's like a hard, shiny Burt Lancaster. I'll tell you after what I'd like to do with him, he'd better hope that suit is rust-resistant.

Impresario

If you're saying what I think you're saying, he'd probably take off the suit first.

Gadget Gal

No, leave it on.

Tim

So let me get this straight, all six of you are coming with me?

Muscleman

Uh, actually seven. Nope. Nope. Six. I did Gadget Gal twice.

Gadget Gal

Many have.

Prock

I'm sorry, was that story supposed to be helpful?

Gadget Gal

It was supposed to be a story. Do whatever the hell you want with it.

Gadget Gal

Tim, be a dear and fetch another sixer from the upstairs fridge. And grab one for yourself.

Tim

Umm, I'm 11 years old.

Gadget Gal

So? When I was your age, I was working three jobs to support an Irish-Catholic family of 15 people. Taking a long swig from the bottle at the end of the day might have been the only thing that kept me alive.

Tim

Heh. Actually, while moderate drinking...

Gadget Gal

I didn't ask for your life story, kid. Just get the beers.

Gadget Gal

Your grandfather had a strong tongue.

Muscleman

Gross.

Gadget Gal

Some other muscles, too.

Concierge

A penis is not a muscle.

Gadget Gal

It's not? Okay, then, just tongue.

Tim

I'm 11. I'm not a little kid.

Impresario

Yeah, but you're Asian. That makes you look younger.

Tim

Okay, that's racist.

Impresario

Hey, everyone knows the saying: black don't crack, white is tight, and Asians look younger.

Muscleman

I've never heard that last one before.

Gadget Gal

Or the second one.

Impresario

Well, it's usually "White is terrible," but I didn't want to offend you guys.

Tim

Robots can get drunk?

Gadget Gal

And do ecstasy. You should see some of the robots I party with.