A character in The Angry Video Game Nerd
Played by James D. Rolfe
The Angry Video Game Nerd · 789 quotes
Most-quoted character in The Angry Video Game Nerd: in 441 of its 789 quotes
Most scenes with: Bugs Bunny (6), Sam Beddoes (6), Culkin (4)
Hey, guess what we're doing over here!
[two Gillmen are interconnected; the Nerd is shocked]
The NerdOh, no, no, no-no-no, please, please! The Seamen are mating. And they felt the need to announce it; to make it known! There they are; staring you right in the face! I didn't even know one that was female. They both have a male voice. That's not... logical.
[the top Gillman sinks to the tank floor]
The NerdIt dies? It got fucked to death?!
In general, would you describe yourself as a confident person?
The Nerd[confused] Am I confident in myself? Well--
You don't have to be perfect to still be able to like yourself, so tell me.
The Nerd[lying on the futon like a therapist couch] It all started with my pet albatross.
The most important thing is that your dad knows how much he means to you.
The NerdI just feel like...nothing matters, you know?
[each line interleaving with one another] If you manage to glimpse the world through each other's eyes, you have to keep up with technology. What will your future be like? It's a natural result of the world's economy becoming no reality independent of observation.
The NerdI-I never thought of it that way.
Human beings are the only animals smart enough to entertain itself in a complex way. [the Nerd nods in agreement]
The NerdAfterwards, you get a cutscene. This is where I should mention that the game was also on PlayStation. It's very similar, but the most noteworthy difference is that on the N64, the cutscenes are still images and text, but with the PlayStation version, since it was a CD-based console, it was able to have full motion video and audio.
I am Scorpion. You killed me in cold blood.
The NerdUm... Just stick to Mortal Kombat: Annihilation.
The Nerd(after he plays the game, he takes out the cartridge) No wonder I haven't played this one before! THIS IS ANAL SAUCE!!!
(The Nerd throws the cartridge and freezes it like Sub-Zero.)
Finish him!
(The Nerd destroys the cartridge into blood and guts while he grunts angrily.)
Fatality!
Look, I know this sounds weird, but I've sorta been time-traveling around through AVGN history.
Yeah. That's weird. We've never seen anything weird before.
What's AVGN?
[with an idiotic smile] Audio Video Graphic Network!
[sarcastically] A VaGiNa.
[2016 Nerd just facepalms in annoyance.]
So what time did you come from?
From ten years into the future.
That's nice. Could you have picked a more confusing time to show up?
[sarcastically] Not confusing at all. Time-traveling back into a dream, that happens all the time! MAKES PERFECT FUCKING SENSE!
Relax.
All right, now look, I could tell you that Freddy's around the corner and he's waiting to kill all you, [Freddy's shadow gets annoyed, gives the middle finger, and walks away] but I'm gonna show you how much worse things could get. [shows the PlayStation Disc] Here is Mega Man Legends, on PlayStation.
PlayStation? We're the Angry Nintendo Nerd!
THEN CHANGE THE FUCKING NAME! It's about time!
How about Angry Nintendo Commentator?
[2016 Nerd facepalms]
How about Retro Nostalgic Video Gaming Shit Seeker?
How about Nostalgia Critic?
[in disagreement, as if saying, "That's not gonna happen."] Now that's fucking stupid.
How about "Angry Video Game Nerd"?
[The Nerds agree on the name]
Yeah, that's good.
I agree with that.
[Mega Man walks toward a magazine rack]
"There're some dirty magazines on the racks..."?
[The Nerds have shocked looks on their faces, and they start laughing]
"It might be fun to look at--"
[The Nerds all exclaim things such as "WHAT?!" and "OH, MAN!" and "OH, MY GOD!" and having various looks on their faces, ranging from disgusted to laughing.]
MEGA MAN'S LOOKING AT PORN!
My life is complete!
[laughing] Mega Man X. more like Mega Man XXX.
Well, anyway, this guy's gotta take a shit, so take out that Nightmare on Elm Street cartridge and empty your ass all over it.
[in embarrassment] I wish you would've said that earlier.
[The other Nerds smell, gag and hold their nose after knowing Back Nerd defecated his pants.]
The NerdStreets of Rage 2.
Yes! That's my autobiography.
The NerdAfter that, you get this awkward driving stage where you rescue people.
[exclaims] Over here! All right!
The Nerd[sarcastically] "Love" hearin' those voices over and over again.
Over here! All right! Over here! All right!
The Nerd"Over here!" "All right!" "Over here!" "All right!" "Over here!" "All right!" "OVER HERE!!!" "ALL RIGHT!"
Good morning, Nerd.
The NerdWho said that?
Down here, Nerd.
The NerdThe fuck is that thing?
It's me, Charlie. I've come to help you with your game decision. I've got one in mind I think you'll like.
The NerdOh, yeah, yeah, that's just what I need. Thank you. Thank you very much. How about you just get the hell out of here before I smash your circuits all over the floor?
Why don't you take a look at the game first?
The NerdOh yeah. Charlie's Angels: the Movie the game. I heard that one's some grade-A ass!
Indeed it is, Nerd, but you'll only find out if you play. Now play it.
The NerdOkay. All right, so somebody comes and makes me play a game. Freddy, Jason, Bugs Bunny, a speaker phone? I mean, this is an all-time low. We're reachin' here, and you know where. What do you think I do all day? Just sit around and play shitty games?
The NerdIt's finally happened. For years I've been calling games ass. But here is a game that's literally ASS!
I'm really sorry, Nerd. I thought you would've loved a game that was ass.
The NerdAnd why would I love that?
Because... you're a pieceashit!
That's right, Nerd! Don't take shit from nobody! Only give shits and while you're at it, get some clothes that fit.
Yes, it's a little on the baggy side.
The NerdHey! I don't need any advice from you or the shit talking shit.
The Nerd(at the title screen) It opens with the classic line from Sudden Impact.
Go ahead. Make my day.
(After having died, the Nerd spawns in a temple, where he has to wait for ten seconds before restarting.)
"There's no cure for stupidity beyond death."
The NerdYeah, well, fuck you too, you fuckin' statues!
Leave me alone. I'm busy.
The Nerd[breaks the fourth wall] Busy? Busy doing what, staring at a wall?
The NerdA guy standing in the park all by himself saying he's "busy". He looks like the least busy person in the world.
The NerdThat's all he says. Turns out, he's one of two people who help you get into the club. I talked to someone else first, so that triggers this guy to just say the same thing, over and over.
Leave me alone. I'm busy.
The Nerd[while he attempts to finish the game] I need to finish it! I need to finish the game!
Junior, let it go.
The NerdBut I'm so close. I'm so close! I can finish it!
Nerd. [whispers] Let it go.
The NerdYou're right. Fuck the shitty game. [drops the PlayStation 2 into the lava pit as it hits the lava and explodes into oblivion]
Bugs BunnyMike Matei · 7 quotes
Fred FuchsGilbert Gottfried · 6 quotes
SBSam Beddoes6 quotes
CCulkin5 quotes
SPShit Pickle5 quotes
GGGlitch GremlinKevin Finn · 4 quotes
Lloyd KaufmanLloyd Kaufman · 4 quotes
Pat the NES PunkPat Contri · 4 quotes
PBPizza Boy4 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Angry Video Game Nerd pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.