AVGN quotes from The Angry Video Game Nerd

This game sucks. Castlevania I and III are great classic Nintendo games, but for Castlevania II: Simon's Quest, the game designers obviously were not thinking straight.

(complaining about how the game regularly interrupts itself with long, unskippable day-to-night transitions with a text box saying "WHAT A HORRIBLE NIGHT TO HAVE A CURSE.") Why does this need to happen so often? Like, every five minutes? Why does it take so long? Nobody feels like sitting through this every time. How would you like it if you were playin' a game and then every five minutes I came over, and paused it, then counted ten tedious seconds, and then let you continue play the game? Now, I mean, why did they think that that would be a good idea and interrupt the gameplay, did they think it would be more realistic? I mean, in real life I don't have to stop in my tracks when the sun sets and a fuckin' box doesn't pop up in the air. I mean, this is one of the most annoying features in any game ever. What's the point? Yeah, the, I mean, the monsters are stronger at night and the stores are closed, but why's that necessary and why does the game have to stop? It's fuckin' retarded. And why do you have to die when you fall in the water? That's the stupidest thing I've ever seen. This guy can go all over fightin' hordes of evil monsters, but he can't even fuckin' swim?

Oh, look, I finally got enough hearts to go and buy a plant that I need to cross the swamp, now let me get to the store. (nighttime falls) Oh shit, it's fuckin' night time, now the stores are all closed and I have to wait for it to turn day again. Oh well, I might as well kill some zombies in the meantime and stock up on some more hearts. (falls into water and dies) OH SHIT! Now I gotta start all over again.

Here, in the dungeons, there's books that you may find which actually give you clues about things in the game that you may need to know about. But, when I find these books, half the time it's by accident, so I may hit the button and cancel it out which means I don't even get to read it and I don't have a second chance. Why can't I do that when it changes from day to night? That would actually be helpful. So, what the game designers figured is this: it isn't absolutely necessary for me to read about how to find Dracula's castle or what I'm supposed to do with an Oak Stake, but what I do need to read, again and again constantly, is: "The morning sun has vanquished the horrible night". How about "vanquished this horrible GAME"?

(using the password feature to skip to the end of the game and having to input 16 characters) The only sure way to get through this awful game is to enter a code, but even that is way more tedious than it should be. While most of the Castlevania games have symbols you enter for a code, this one just has a whole bunch of numbers. I mean, like, one of those [four-character]little parts would be enough for a password. But why four? Like why so many? In general, I hate games that have passwords like this, because sometimes they have uppercase and lowercase letters. Like the l's, you know, look like I's, the 0's look like O's, the 8's look like 5's so, why does there have to be so many digits? Y'know, like why can't it just be numbers or somethin'? Like, y' know, just numbers and not letters? I mean, it takes me, like, five minutes to enter this code when it should only take, like, five seconds. It's friggin' stupid. Okay, so, say we enter the code, and we go to Dracula's castle. You'll be pretty disappointed how anticlimactic this game is. It isn't even worth putting in a code, let alone playing the whole game all the way through, which, if you did, I feel bad for you.

What a piece of shit. I mean, I feel horrible that I had to play this game in order to make this video, but I did it to demonstrate its dreadfulness and I forced myself to play it just so that you don't have to. So, you should thank me for telling you to stay away from this horrible steaming pile of goat shit.

Thank you for listening, good night. The ending sucks too.

Pong is better. Pong is only, like, three lines and a ball. Those little Tiger, like, electronic wrist games, those are better than Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. It makes no fucking sense! It's like, what were they thinking?

[looking at the cartridge] Here it is, here's the piece of shit game. [looks at the price tag, which reads 89 cents] Who the hell spent this much fuckin' money on this game?

I mean, if you ever find the game, if you ever see it, smash it. Smash it with a hammer. Smash it 'til every tiny fragment is, like, is so small it's invisible. I mean... you'd rather superglue your asshole shut than play that game. You'd rather drown in gasoline. You'd rather... you know, th-the thing is... you think I'm joking, like I'm trying to be funny or something. No, the fact that that game exists is a horrible abomination of mankind. That game is so fucking horrible, and I am not kidding. I am dead fuckin' serious. [close-up of the Nerd] DEAD... FUCKIN'... SERIOUS. [fade-out as the Nerd nervously laughs]

(talking to a lady after punching her) "CAN YOU HELP ME", "GO AWAY, YOU HORRID MAN"... how about "Go away, you HORRID GAME!"?

(gets game over and sees a 20 character password) And look at this! Th-this is the longest password ever! Would it have killed them to make this any shorter? It takes forever! Like, why should any game, take like ten minutes to type in the fuckin' password?

All right, the game sucks, end of story; I wanna nail Roger Rabbit to the fuckin' cross.

You may even think I'm tryin' to compare it to the sequels, which are far superior. Two-player, arcade action, beat up a bunch of Foot Soldiers. Good stuff. But, this first one is garbage

April O'Neil says: "You have my support." Okay. What the hell did she ever do for you? Stupid banana raincoat wearin' bitch.