Pat the NES Punk quotes from The Angry Video Game Nerd

The Nerd

[on the phone with Pat the NES Punk, discussing the authentic copy of the game in Pat's possession] Tell you what, uh, if you come on over? I'll help, um, authenticate it for you. I'll give it the Nerd seal of approval.

Pat the NES Punk

The "Nerd seal of approval"? What is that? Like, you'll take a dump on it?

The Nerd

No, that would be the Nerd seal of disapproval. Come over, I'll take a look at it.

The Nerd

[trying to convince Pat to give him the rarer gold NWC cart] The gold one's a piece of crap! I mean, you don't want that. I mean, you know how they made those! They just cut out the logo with cheap paper, and they glued it on! With glue!

Pat the NES Punk

Yeah! Elmer's glue!

The Nerd

Yeah-yeah, I bet Mr. Elmer himself glued it on from his own goat. [imitates goat bleating]

Pat the NES Punk

[while getting ready to play NWC] Where's your Nintendo?

The Nerd

Oh, the Nintendo? Right there, the Nintoaster.

Pat the NES Punk

The what? Are you playing video games or making breakfast? I'm not turning these expensive games into a goddamn English muffin!

The Nerd

[while playing the Rad Racer portion of NWC] Just think, the NWC cartridges are so expensive, you could actually use that money and buy a real car!

Pat the NES Punk

Sure, you can buy a car, but it wouldn't be a racer as rad as this.

The Nerd

Alright, So I finished Rad Racer. Now I'm up to Tetris?

Pat the NES Punk

Final game, Nerd. All right, you're on a time limit, and to maximize your score, you gotta get the four-line Tetrises. W-Wait. Why am I helping you? You think you deserve these games? You changed your name from the Angry Nintendo Nerd to the Video Game Nerd! I'm the NES Punk, I deserve these games!

The Nerd

I know a lot of people who own Tetris. And they actually have the whole game!

Pat the NES Punk

That's it, that's your score. I'm going to annihilate it. [takes the NES controller from The Nerd] Thank you very much. [gets 50 coins on Super Mario Bros.] Okay, I just beat you on Super Mario Bros. Now, it's Rad Racer time.

The Nerd

Look at that. Well, you got two more games!

Pat the NES Punk

Yeah, I know I do. I can count!

The Nerd

Well, just think. We're playing on a reproduction cart, but if we were playing one of those other ones, it would be the same thing. So, what's the point? Just to play on an overly priced game cartridge?

Pat the NES Punk

What's the point? The point is, those games are part of Nintendo and video game history! There are part of our culture! Those games represent the point where Nintendo dominated our, our society! [car in "Rad Racer" crashes] Oh-- ah! Tetris is next. I'm not gonna let you taunt me outta this one, I'm gonna win!

The Nerd

No, I'm serious. This game is a piece of shit.

Pat the NES Punk

Come on, Pat. Come on. Yeah! Triple-Line score! [pants] Double-Line score! I'm gonna win. [The Nerd gets the hammer from the drawer] The games are mine!

The Nerd

Nintendo World Championships is poop on a pedestal. It's an over-glorified holy shit-grail! Fuck it to hell, fuck it to high heaven, purgatory, and all existence!

Pat the NES Punk

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes! Yes! I won! I won! [The Nerd whacks the two cartridges as he grunts angrily and smashes them into pieces as Pat looks at the broken pieces of NWC cartridges then The Nerd removes the reproduction cartridge.]

The Nerd

Here you go. You can have this one. [Pat the NES Punk takes it for a moment, and then it slips out of his hands in his own disbelief. Pat the NES Punk then starts laughing, and The Nerd starts laughing as well.] Oh, man. [laughs then gets attacked by Pat the NES Punk]