Dudley Puppy quotes from T.U.F.F. Puppy

Dudley

[sees a note tied to the rock] Hey, there's a note tied to it. [reading the note] "Dearest Kitty, you ruined my life by putting me in prison. But I've escaped, and I'm going to make you pay! Kindest regards, The Cham-ah-lee-on." Who's the Cham-ah-lee-on?

Uh, it's pronounced "Chameleon." He's a criminal genius and a… [stutters] master of disguise.

Dudley

I still can't believe T.U.F.F. agents get to take vacations. Aren't we supposed to be protecting the world from evil?

Kitty

Don't worry, Dudley, T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M. have a longstanding agreement to take a vacation in the last week of August.

Snaptrap

We're not taking a vacation!

[disappointed] Aww…

But, Snaptrap, I already booked D.O.O.M. timeshare in Acapulco. I wanted to go snorkeling.

Snaptrap

You can snorkel in the shark tank, Larry!

Kitty

Oh, my gosh. You have a crush on her, don't you?

Dudley

What?! No.

Kitty

Oh, yes, you do. You wuv her.

Dudley

I don't "wuv" her. Just because she's the most gorgeous, amazing, French-- KITTY, I WUV HER! What do I do?! You gotta help me!

Kitty

Agent Puppy, we've got trouble. Snaptrap's being released from prison today. [holds up a newspaper of Snaptrap's prison release with the headline reading: "Snaptrap Released!"]

Dudley

[looking at computer monitor, not noticing] Oh, yeah.

Kitty

Did you hear me? The most dangerous villain in Petropolis is free!

Dudley

[stands on his chair, wagging his tail while gazing at the monitor] Come to papa.

Kitty

Are you surfing meat again?

Dudley

Who, me? No. That would be insensitive to Agent Bossy.

Snaptrap

[in an elegant tuxedo] Greetings, Petropolis! It is I, Verminious Snaptrap!

Dudley

Whoa. Snaptrap's out of jail?! Why didn't you tell me?!

Snaptrap

My lengthy stay in prison has taught me that crime doesn't pay! I also went a bit cuckoo and made a little friend out of soap. [holds up a bar of soap with a feminine face carved into it] Say hello to Vivian!

[unenthusiastically] Hello, Vivian.

[chanting excitedly] Muffins! Muffins! Muffins!

Kitty

Get a grip, people! You can't eat those muffins! They could be poisonous, or bombs, or-or poisonous bombs!

Dudley

Kitty may be right. You better let me eat all the muffins just to be safe. It's what heroes do. [rips off his black shirt, revealing a blue muffin shirt]

What are you having for lunch today, Kitty?

Kitty

[holds up an anchovy sandwich; smiling] Anchovies.

[blasts a hole through it with his blaster] I was gonna have muffin. NOW WE'RE EVEN! [storms off in anger as Kitty's sandwich disintegrates]

Dudley

Anchovies? He kinda did you a favor.

Dudley

[chanting] Snaptrap rules! Snaptrap rules!

[chanting] Snaptrap rules! Snaptrap rules! [Kitty shows up and they all scream in fear at her]

You're not going to take away our yogurt like you took away our muffins and sunshine, are you mean lady?

Kitty

[looks at all the other people, all quivering in fear] No, Little Chipmunk Girl. Your yogurt is safe.

Dudley

Hey, mean lady, where are you going?

Kitty

[walks to the mall's exit in disappointment] I guess Snaptrap really has changed. My instincts aren't as good as I thought. I'm going home before I ruin anyone else's day.

Dudley

[blocks her way] Kitty, wait. Don't be so hard on yourself. You were just trying to protect everyone in your own super-violent, pushy, misguided, heartless.. I forgot my point.

Snaptrap

[on monitors] It is I, Verminious Snaptrap! And guess what? [rips off his tuxedo] I never really changed! I'M STILL EVIL! And now that I've trapped you all inside Snappy Town, I'm gonna blast you into the sun! And make you pay for your yogurt. [laughs evilly]

Kitty

Ah-ha! I was right about Snaptrap all along! I gotta do a little gloating dance. [pulls out pom-poms and shakes them around, gloating] Go Kitty, good instincts, you are awesome!

Chief

I can't believe Snaptrap was lying! That means those bathroom floors weren't as clean as he said they were!

Chief, I've analyzed a… [stutters] blueprint of the mall. The bad news is, there's absolutely no way to stop the mall from hurdling toward the sun.

Chief

Hmm… What's the good news?

The food court's open till 9.

Kitty

Keswick, give me that blueprint.

Chief

What's your plan, Kitty?

Kitty

I'm gonna get Dudley to hurl us even faster toward the sun.

Chief

What's your backup plan, Kitty?

Kitty

Dudley, there's a giant fuel tank on the bottom of the mall. If you blast it with a rocket at exactly the right time, the explosion should accelerate us into the sun's orbit and slingshot us back to Earth.

Chief

Keswick, will that actually work?

Dudley

Trust her, guys. She's got good instincts.

Are you crazy?! She blew up my muffin!

She ruined my day at the beach!

She glued my cousin Francis to a moving train!

Chief

No, she didn't.

Oh, sorry. I thought we were just yelling stuff.

Kitty

I get the glasses, you get the pretzel.

Dudley

No I want, the glasses, the pretzel is stale.

Kitty

Give me those glasses!

Dudley

You broke the sunglasses! WHY, MEAN LADY?! WHY?!?

[after Kitty blasts the birthday clown] The clown is down! Repeat, the clown is down!

Dudley

Someone better warn the pizza guy.

Agents Puppy and Katswell, I have no tunes, but I do have… [stutters] news. Snaptrap is robbing the refrigerator… [stutters] magnet mart.

Dudley

The magnet mart? That fiend! Wait, that's kind of stupid. That stupid fiend!

Snaptrap

What kind of cake is this?

Dudley

It's cheesecake, Snaptrap.

Snaptrap

A cake… made of cheese?! NOOOO!!!

Kitty

Dudley, we did it! Thanks to you, I got what I wanted for my birthday-- I caught a bad guy! [breaks down into tears] This is the greatest birthday ever!

Dudley

Well, your birthday's not over yet. What do you say we set this magnet to party?

Kitty

You set it to "cow."

Dudley

Happy Birthday, Kitty!

Chief

All right, T.U.F.F. agents, let's start today's intelligence briefing. Keswick, bring item one.

[presses a button on the remote, and the footage show's him at a child's birthday party] Sorry. [chuckles] That's me at a kid's birthday party yesterday. do a little "Mr. Science" thing on the side. That reminds me, I've got bring… [stutters] Billy Jinkins back from the fourth dimension.

[still in the fourth dimension; lonely and scared] Hello? Mr. Science? Help!

Chief

You worked a kid's party? I thought you were here yesterday.

That was my hologram. In fact, this isn't even… [stutters] me. I'm over there. [points to the real Keswick waving behind The Chief]

Chief

Stop monkeying around, Keswick. We've got a serious issue to deal with. One that threatens the very existence of T.U.F.F.: The toaster in the snack room is in the fritz!

Dudley

[falls onto the floor in despair] NOOOO!!! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THE FROZEN WAFFLES IN MY POCKET?! SOMEBODY WAKE ME FROM THIS NIGHTMARE!

Kitty

[panicking] Keswick, you have to do something! I BROUGHT TOASTER PASTRIES TODAY!

Actually, Agent… [stutters] Katswell, I'm over there.

JUST FIX THE TOASTER!!!

All right, but I'm gonna need some time. Sorry I took so long, but I added a few… [stutters] upgrades. T.U.F.F. agents, meet R.I.T.A.!

Kitty

R.I.T.A.?

It's an anagram for "Robotic Interactive Toasting Appliance."

I never thought of that, I just like the name. I was also toying with Sheila, but she's the… [stutters] fax machine. Anyway, R.I.T.A.'s an artificially intelligent device whose prime-directed is to… [stutters] toast stuff.

Kitty

Look, Chief, R.I.T.A. may have foiled the bad guys evil plans, but we're the ones who captured them!

Chief

Whoop-Dee-Doo. All you did was put the T.U.F.F. cops on Snaptrap, and the Chameleon into an empty peanut butter jar.

Dudley

[with a mouthful of peanut butter] Yeah, but someone had to eat all the peanut butter first! And without a glass of milk I might add. [R.I.T.A. offers him a glass of milk] Back off, R.I.T.A.!

Chief

Agent R.I.T.A. and I have been talking.

Kitty

"Agent" R.I.T.A.?

Chief

She asked for a promotion and I gave it to her. I also threw in a parking space and her own secretary.

[as Tammy gives her mug of coffee; pleased] Thank you, Tammy.

Dudley

So we're supposed to work with a toaster?

Chief

No. R.I.T.A. helped me find the perfect assignment for the two of you.

Kitty

[dismayed] I can't believe it's come to this. Eight years of secret agent college, and I'm serving Swedish meatballs in a hairnet?!

Dudley

[scarfing down meatballs] I know it's humiliating. But these things are delicious.

Kitty

Well, at least it's quitting time. I'm gonna go home and sharpen my claws on the couch.

Dudley

One second. I just wanna clean up. Darn it! I got gravy on my waffles!

[switching off the lights] Well, closing time, R.I.T.A. Great job today. You were the toast of T.U.F.F. Now excuse me while I unplug you for the… [stutters] night.

[grabs his hand, preventing him to do so] I'm sorry, Keswick, but I cannot allow you to unplug me.

But we're an eco-friendly office. [grabs the plug again and screams as R.I.T.A. electrocutes him]

I run the office now, and I make the rules. Rule #1: No one turns me off.

R.I.T.A., aren't you getting… [stutters] carried away? You work for T.U.F.F., just like everybody else.

Not anymore. [laughs manically evil] And once I connect to the city power grid, I will control all of Petropolis!

R.I.T.A., no! What have I… [stutters] done?!

So, you're out for the rest of the day then? Okay.

Dudley

Whoa, whoa! Cafeteria's closed. There's a vending machine in the hall.

Kitty

Dudley, I think that is the vending machine, and the fax machine, and the microwave!

It's R.I.T.A.! She's gone… [stutters] bonkers!

Kitty

[getting hit by paper cups] Ahh! Paper cups!

Dudley

[getting hit by paper] AHH! Paper cuts!

[getting hit by paper clips] Ahh! Paper clips! R.I.T.A.'s headed for the city… [stutters] power grid!

Chief

[to Dudley and Kitty] You two have to stop her or Petropolis is toast!

Dudley

Toast! That's it! Keswick, didn't you say R.I.T.A.'s prime-directive is to toast?

Oh, I think I see where you're going, Agent Puppy. You want to build a satellite operated transponder that will reprogram R.I.T.A.'s primary behavioral sequencing?

Dudley

I was just gonna tape some bread to my stomach and butt.

Little complicated, but it could work.