Bobby Heenan quotes from Survivor Series

(On Stu Hart's jacket, which has a picture of a bear on the back) Oh look! He's got a picture of Helen on the back of his jacket, isn't that nice...

(Afa is chewing on... something.) Look at Afa! He's eating the carcass of a... wow, this is Jurassic Park, isn't it!

The ring is a mess. It's like the table when Bastion Booger eats!

Mr. Fuji, my hat goes off to you... if I had a hat.

[referee Earl Hebner informs Crush that he's been counted out] He got the heave-ho, just like Kenny Kaiser threw Lasorda out of the game. Same thing.

[On Lex Luger fighting Yokozuna] This is like a Volkswagon fighting a Greyhound bus!

You know, The Undertaker's gonna start a new basketball team. Yeah, it's for guys six feet and under.

[Undertaker sits up after being slammed down by Yokozuna] HE'S NOT A HUMAN BEING!

[Yokozuna slams Undertaker down harder] He gets from this, I'm a weasel!

[On Ludvig Borga] He'll beat you all day until he beats you, but he's gonna do it nonchalantly. He's gonna do it nonchalantly if he has to beat him 100 times.

Yo Hulkamaniacs, it's Thanksgiving night and this is the happiest time of year for all the Maniacs brother! You know, me and all of my little Hulksters, we've got a lot of things to be thankful for. Number one, we're thankful for being happy and very healthy. We're thankful for having time to share with our loved ones. We're also thankful that Hulkamania is still the strongest force in the universe and after the turkey's done, after the blessings are all done, I can tell you what the Hulkster's most happy about, it's Survivor Series time and I'm thankful for my team of Hulkamaniacs!

I'm thankful because I'm rich and you're not! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

I'm thankful for having Damien and the DDT.

You know what we're thankful for?

We don't have to fight each other!

Ooh, yeah! I am thankful that I am the only man worthy of being the Macho King. Ooh, yeah!

I'm thankful for the privilege of living here in the good ol U.S. of A. Tough guy!

I'm thankful, I've got the big Earthquake on my side!

What I'm thankful for for Thanksgiving, is for my polka dots!

I'm thankful for the justice I serve!

I'm thankful for wrestlin', cuttin' and struttin'!

I'm thankful for my good looks.

I'm thankful for having the most ravishing body in the WWF.

I'm thankful because I hate Ricky Rude.

I am thankful for being the world's smartest man.

I'm thankful for being absolutely perfect!

Yeah! We're thankful for having sardine stuffing in our turkey tonight!

I'm thankful for spending Thanksgiving with all the members of the Heenan Family.

Thanksgiving is everyday but especially this day as the Warriors give me the intensity to deliver the power at Survivor Series, it is going to be a waaaaaaaaaar!!

[after Piper kisses Sherri, who was not supposed to be at ringside] The referee's finally realized that she was out there, not supposed to be, she's on her way out of there.

Know where she's going? She's going to get a tetanus shot.

I hope so.

If Piper kissed you, you'd have to have shots too, Monsoon. Well, maybe not, I don't know.

There's gonna be a lot of trouble there in the Macho household.

What are you talking about?

Well, he's been reinstated, right? He can wrestle again.

Yes.

Who's gonna do the dishes?

Six remaining, and they're all in there. [Piper whips Flair into the corner, who flips over the top and onto the floor] Flair into the corner, up and over the top and out. He's the legal man out.

Hold my jacket!

Where're you going?

I think I have to go down there and help him out.

Oh, please.

Well, if you insist, I'll stay here.

Referee calling for the bell to ring here. Disqualification perhaps, or count-out. [The action spills out to the floor. As this happens, Flair re-enters the ring.] I know Flair's the legal man out there.

Well, they shouldn't disqualify him. They disqualify Piper? Who'd they disqualify?

Why don't you just wait a minute? Somebody's gonna be sent out of here.

I think Piper gave up. I think he quit and said, "I've had enough." I'm not sure what happened. There're bodies all over the place.

Ladies and gentlemen, here is the referee's official decision.

Here it comes.

[upon hearing from the referees] Bullshit!

[cont'd] He has disqualified every participant that was battling in the ring except for one man who is the sole survivor and the winner: Ric Flair!

How on Earth could he do that?! [Piper attacks Flair, sending him out of the ring] Piper not too happy about it.

Doesn't matter. The winner of the first tag match at Survivor Series, the real world's champion, Ric Flair! Now give me one, Monsoon! WOOOOO!!!

I'd like to give you one.

Right here in Jim Louis Arena.

Joe Louis!

Joe Louis, sorry.

Who's Jim Louis?

Who's Joe Louis?