Rowdy Roddy Piper quotes from Survivor Series

I need to say something and give credit where credit's due to Bret Hart. Bret Hart, just yesterday, losing his own brother, and he asked me to dedicate this match to Dean, his brother. There's a true competitor and a wonderful man. Kick some butt!

We don't wanna see quitters here, we wanna see real men! And real men wear kilts!

It's the first time I've been wrong since '54.

The Russians give us Nikolai Volkoff, we give the Russians MTV and 2 Live Crew. There's a fair exchange, huh?

Yo Hulkamaniacs, it's Thanksgiving night and this is the happiest time of year for all the Maniacs brother! You know, me and all of my little Hulksters, we've got a lot of things to be thankful for. Number one, we're thankful for being happy and very healthy. We're thankful for having time to share with our loved ones. We're also thankful that Hulkamania is still the strongest force in the universe and after the turkey's done, after the blessings are all done, I can tell you what the Hulkster's most happy about, it's Survivor Series time and I'm thankful for my team of Hulkamaniacs!

I'm thankful because I'm rich and you're not! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

I'm thankful for having Damien and the DDT.

You know what we're thankful for?

We don't have to fight each other!

Ooh, yeah! I am thankful that I am the only man worthy of being the Macho King. Ooh, yeah!

I'm thankful for the privilege of living here in the good ol U.S. of A. Tough guy!

I'm thankful, I've got the big Earthquake on my side!

What I'm thankful for for Thanksgiving, is for my polka dots!

I'm thankful for the justice I serve!

I'm thankful for wrestlin', cuttin' and struttin'!

I'm thankful for my good looks.

I'm thankful for having the most ravishing body in the WWF.

I'm thankful because I hate Ricky Rude.

I am thankful for being the world's smartest man.

I'm thankful for being absolutely perfect!

Yeah! We're thankful for having sardine stuffing in our turkey tonight!

I'm thankful for spending Thanksgiving with all the members of the Heenan Family.

Thanksgiving is everyday but especially this day as the Warriors give me the intensity to deliver the power at Survivor Series, it is going to be a waaaaaaaaaar!!

The Ultimate Warrior has worked his way to the Grand Finale, Rod.

The idea here — how do you become a survivor? You need to be a leftover! It's Thanksgiving!

Like I've said a million times before, everybody's got a price for the Million Dollar Man. So without further ado, I will introduce to you now my mystery partner. Led to the ring by his manager Brother Love, weighing in at 320 pounds, from Death Valley, I give you THE UNDERTAKER!

The Undertaker, the mystery partner is now revealed.

I've never heard of him.

[seeing the Undertaker walking to the ring] Oh, take a look!

Holy cow! Look at the size of that hamhock! Check out them drumsticks, baby!

320 pounds, looks to be 6'9", 6'10", somewhere in that neighborhood, Rod.

6...6'10", I don't know, it's hard to tell from here. Holy cow.

Look at the look on the face.

I don't...you think it's his coffee? Doesn't look like he's having a good time. You think he'd steal the gold out of your teeth?

There's only supposed to be four members on a team; this guy makes four and a half, maybe five.

[on Jake Roberts] At this point, I hate to see the man get hurt. But there comes a point where you just maybe wanna see him get pinned so he don't get hurt anymore.

Well, you'll have to pin him 'cause he's not gonna quit, Hot Rod.

He's too much of a...

[as Jake hits a DDT on the Warlord] Oh, look at this! DDT!

YES!

He nailed the big guy!

YES!

[as Rick Martel sprays Arrogance at Jake, forcing him off the Warlord] Oh, look at Martel.

Did he get him?

No, Jake saw it coming, he turned his head, Hot Rod.

Alright.

But the referee didn't see any of that action.

[as Jake releases Damian from his bag] He's got a partner! He found a partner!

Can you blame him?

Not at all!

Look at Martel, scared to death! And Jake right on his tail! Hobbling, limping, but still going after him!

Martel, you coward, you did the least in there!

Referee's counting. Warlord, of course, the legal man in the ring, and Jake the Snake. [Chioda finishes the count and calls for the bell] Oh, he's out. I don't think he was worried about being counted out, Hot Rod. He wanted a piece of Martel.

Ladies and gentlemen, Jake "The Snake" Roberts has been counted out. Therefore, the winning survivors are the entire team of the Visionaries!

Oh, the entire team of the Visionaries have made it to the Grand Finale.

Including...

Including the Model, of course. The whole team, the first time in the history of the Survivor Series that an entire team has made it.

Martel would be there, but right now, he's running down Main Street Hartford.

With all the excitement, I almost forgot about that humongous egg that's gonna hatch here.

The last time I saw an egg that size when Milli Vanilli laid it.

I wanted to point out to you and your cohorts that the Survivor Series is being shown around the world to our armed forces. They are gonna be seeing you in action here tonight against the Alliance, and especially those great guys and gals who are serving our country proudly in the Persian Gulf, and by the way, they find you and your commanding officer despicable.

Despicable?!

Yes! Despicable.

Stand at attention, you puke. Shut that hole and listen up! And all you maggots out there, listen up! Despicable is saluting the red, white & blue! I, Sgt. Slaughter, salute one flag, and that flag is the banner of that brave Iraqi nation!

You've gotta be kidding me!

You know what, pukeface? Today, my Mercenaries and I sat down to a beautiful, hot, delicious turkey dinner with all the trimmings, and we didn't have to worry about swatting any desert flies away from the table; and we didn't have the smell of camel dung in the air when we chewed our food and swallowed it; but best of all, we didn't have any sand in our pumpkin pie! What did all of you American gung-ho soldiers out there in Saudi Arabia have in your K-ration can today? Hot turkey sandwich?!

You call yourself an American? You've got to be kidding.

President Bush, take some advice from Sgt. Slaughter before you send your troops into battle against President Saddam Hussein: Always think twice because the Iraqi Army soldier is just like the Mercenaries and Sgt. Slaughter — we take no prisoners and we are survivors, and THAT'S AN ORDER! You're dismissed.

What a despicable piece of garbage.

You pig! You pig! You know why he got kicked out of the service? For saying "Shazam!" too much.

If these boys don't finish them off, I'm grabbing his butt, I'll take him over to the Persian Gulf and let our troops have a go at him! Let's see what kind of drill sergeant he is! You're nothing but a pig, you hang around with pigs, and you ain't got enough guts to eat a can of K-rations! I would rather eat K rations that eat turkey with you, you pig!

Six remaining, and they're all in there. [Piper whips Flair into the corner, who flips over the top and onto the floor] Flair into the corner, up and over the top and out. He's the legal man out.

Hold my jacket!

Where're you going?

I think I have to go down there and help him out.

Oh, please.

Well, if you insist, I'll stay here.

Referee calling for the bell to ring here. Disqualification perhaps, or count-out. [The action spills out to the floor. As this happens, Flair re-enters the ring.] I know Flair's the legal man out there.

Well, they shouldn't disqualify him. They disqualify Piper? Who'd they disqualify?

Why don't you just wait a minute? Somebody's gonna be sent out of here.

I think Piper gave up. I think he quit and said, "I've had enough." I'm not sure what happened. There're bodies all over the place.

Ladies and gentlemen, here is the referee's official decision.

Here it comes.

[upon hearing from the referees] Bullshit!

[cont'd] He has disqualified every participant that was battling in the ring except for one man who is the sole survivor and the winner: Ric Flair!

How on Earth could he do that?! [Piper attacks Flair, sending him out of the ring] Piper not too happy about it.

Doesn't matter. The winner of the first tag match at Survivor Series, the real world's champion, Ric Flair! Now give me one, Monsoon! WOOOOO!!!

I'd like to give you one.

Roddy Piper, you saw what happened! You tell me!

All right, man. It be a bad day in the WWF. They say anything can happen in the Survivor Series in the WWF, and it has. The Undertaker, the new WWF Champion, you Addams Family reject! I just saw Hogan down there, he got red in his eyes, he got hair on his teeth, screaming "Tunney! Tunney!" Where are you now, Tunney! You saw what happened. Oh, and Lurch's new-found friend, Cousin Itt, Ric Flair running down there. You're a real handy guy when someone's got his back turned! Ding-dong! Ding-dong! We're hearing the bell, Undertaker. Ding-dong! Flair, we're hearing the bell! As far as I'm concerned, when it comes to the Undertaker becoming the WWF Champ with the help of Ric Flair, ain't no different than David Duke becoming Prez. We hear the bells, and we be coming. Ding-dong.