Jim quotes from Survivor Series

[on the Undertaker] That's a guy that's Patrick Ewing-size: 6'10", 325 pounds, walking down the top rope like he was one of the Wallendas.

Crush is a lot like Michael Irvin — keep him out of jail, he can play.

Bret's done it all here in Madison Square Garden except beat Steve Austin. He won the title here at WrestleMania X. I watched that on pay-per-view.

Why are so many people booing this kid? He's bigger, he's younger, he's stronger, better looking than the first guy that had that name. He's got just as much right to be called Razor Ramon as anybody else. I don't understand it. It's illogical. A big, strong, impressive young athlete.

[On Flash Funk's entrance] I've never seen yellow and red look so good here in the Garden.

Ladies and gentlemen, the World Wrestling Federation Championship is coveted in this industry, there's no doubt about that. The biggest names in the game have worn the World Wrestling Federation Title. It will be bestowed, it will be won by a new man here tonight, King. Either Mankind — obviously the chosen one, a corporate chosen one by Vince McMahon — or the "people's champion", the Rock.

Thanksgiving Eve, live from the Boston Garden, an American tradition. I am standing in the middle of the Foreign Fanatics' contigency on this American eve, Thanksgiving, after all, the celebration of America and all the victories we've had in this country...

Yeah.

Quite simply, your denigration policy across this country at this time specifically was not very well planned, Jim.

Pettengill, first of all, you don't know the meaning of half of those words you just spit out, you were looking them up all night in Funk & Wagnalls. Second of all, we haven't denigrated anybody, we're upholding a fine American tradition: be winners at any cost, and that's exactly what we are. We're winners, and we'd do anything to win.

Team captain Lex Luger.

He's the — shut up, Pettengill! — he's the embodiment of the American Dream, the spirit to succeed, victory against the odds. Lex Luger is the soul of the All-Americans, and when you capture a man's soul, then you've defeated him once and for all. And tonight, that's gonna be our strategy: mind, heart & soul. The All-Americans are going down in the Boston Garden tonight!

Ladies and gentlemen, on Thanksgiving Eve, in the middle of the Foreign contingency, coming up next, it's the "Clash of the Superpowers."

Any individual who is as resilient as Michaels is, who's been knocked down so many times, and just keeps getting right back up.

Well, that just shows how stupid he is!

Suffering a concussion recently in Syracuse as a result of a brutal attack, Michaels returns to the squared circle! Yeah, Shawn Michaels ready for action here, but will he survive in the tag-team elimination wild card match-up? It's gonna get wild here in a minute!

Can you imagine, in a small room, putting Bill Clinton and Newt Gingrich—how would they get along? Even though they got one common goal, that's to balance the budget. That's exactly the charge that Shawn Michaels, Ahmed Johnson, Psycho Sid, and the British Bulldog have—to balance the budget. Can they get along? We're gonna find out.

And now, after that, Diesel can finish off Bret Hart. Bret thrown into the table by Diesel. And now, there's only one thing left to do, and that's to finish off Bret Hart.

Well, I believe it's over.

It may be Jackknife time. Boy, what a heck of... heck of a war we've seen here.

Thus far, this has been all that we thought it was going to be. [Diesel pulls Bret between his legs] Here we go now!

You gotta hand it to Hart, he's a tough competitor. [Bret drops to the mat] He's down and out.

Diesel... as Bret Hart slumps down.

Just turn him over and pin him. I don't think Bret could defend himself any longer.

What's he waiting for?

The official wants Diesel to continue to wrestle. [Diesel pulls Bret back to his feet] I don't know that that's a wise decision. [Bret quickly rolls Diesel into a small package] Oh, wow! Wait a minute!

I can't believe it!

He did it! He did it! He did it!

Wow!

Oh my! Oh, my gosh.

Hey, wait a minute.

Wait a minute here!

Good gosh almighty!

Diesel!

Oh, he struck an official!

Diesel has... Diesel has lost it! Diesel in complete control!

[as Diesel pulls Bret back up and gives a second Jackknife] Oh no, not again.

Diesel now powerbombing Bret Hart! He had the opportunity earlier on, he didn't do it. Diesel had the opportunity to end it! I think he has. The official has stopped the match, but look what's happening!

Look at the look on his face!

I'm back!

[as Diesel exits the ring and slaps a few hands along the aisle] A poor display of sportsmanship, if you can call it that. Well, we have seen a war. Bret Hart, ladies and gentlemen, has become the World Wrestling Federation Champion, as we look at the carnage in the ring. Somehow Bret Hart was able to small package Big Daddy Cool Diesel. Diesel, unbelievable, but he's being booed by this capacity crowd. He didn't have to do any of that.

We're back at Survivor Series, and I must say an unusual result, Jim Ross, in what we have seen in this WWF Championship match, I don't know what quite to make of... of what was an extraordinary matchup. But then, on the end of that match, it seemed as though Diesel obviously snapped.

Obviously, it's heartbreaking. There were, I mean, thousands and thousands of fans worldwide who were huge Diesel supporters, and maybe they still are, but the sadness is about Bret Hart.

And Bret still down in the ring, although he appears to be mobile to a certain extant. And you have a smile on your face, why? Because you liked it, you liked everything you saw.

I always got a smile on my face. I liked what I saw. Hey, Bret Hart won the title, but will he be able to defend it? He's out of commission, he's still laying up here.

I don't know. Earlier, Bret was on his feet, and then back down to the canvas. I think everyone just being concerned over the condition of Bret Hart. Diesel had the match won, it appeared, and then from there was small packaged, and Diesel obviously blew a gasket.

Well, certainly not a perfect day for Bret Hart or Diesel. For me, it's a perfect day!

It certainly was a perfect Survivor Series in terms of action though. Ladies and gentlemen, so long from the US Air Arena.

Here comes the bizarre one with Marlena.

No, it's Marlena, followed by Goldust. Get it straight, big guy. Any self-respecting woman lets her man follow her.

You don't smoke though, do you?

Oh God, no. I'm allergic, asthmatic...absolutely horrible. I'm as innocent and pure as I look.

Wow...

Well, anyway, so much for truth in broadcasting.

[as Hunter Hearst-Helmsley enters] Wait a minute, something's wrong here. It doesn't look right, he's missing something there. What's going on? Wait, wait, wait, there's no girl, there's no woman.

He's more than perfect, too.

Wow. Wins the gold, loses the chick? What's the deal with that?

I think he's focused.

That's one word for it; stupid's another.

Why would he want to have a woman with him at ringside anyway? What purpose would it serve in this matchup?

Wait a minute, who are you asking here, Jim Ross?

Well, you're the only woman sitting here...

Listen, I make a living out of being at ringside with men and telling them what to do and...hey, if I feel like it, I'll tell you what to do too. So why don't you just sit there, Chubby, and be quiet.

Okay, thank you very much.

[to Vince, putting up her dukes] You're gonna have to hold me back. I've had it. I've had it with him already, it's been, like, two minutes.

It's only begun, let's get along, all right? JR, don't be, you know...

Well, I'll try to... I'll lower my standards so I'll get on her level, no problem.

[on Sable] I think she's the most beautiful woman in the WWF.

Oh, you think so?

Yeah, I am... don't I have a right to my own opinion?

Listen, I've had a bikini spread in Raw Magazine, and so has she, and I blew her away and everybody knows it. And I can do it again.

You did what?! You did what?!

Just give me the chance. Give me the page of Raw Magazine, and I can show you that I can blow her away!

Whoa, what a display of fireworks for the Wildman and Sable, ladies and gentlemen. And the fireworks just ready to begin here in the tag team elimination matchup. The Wildman is something else. Talk about a risk taker, JR.

You know, she'd better watch out with those pyrotechnics. I heard about those things that she's implanted are flammable.

And you would know a lot about that, right?

Excuse me?! I am 100% natural all the way down to the roots of my hair.

And as well as pure and innocent, you made that point earlier on.

You and Dolly Parton are all natural.

Oh, please, you're just jealous.

[on Rocky Maivia] Look at this, he's a newcomer and they're already chanting his name. The entire building, 20,000 people.

It won't be the last time!

Here is your winner: Rocky Maivia!

Oh my God, I feel like my name should be Adrian!

What a way to make your debut, with a big show in the Big Apple at the Survivor Series!

What a dream come true for this first third-generation WWF superstar! And how proud is Rocky Johnson and his mom? How proud are Mom and Dad sitting in Florida, watching this on pay-per-view, JR.

They've gotta be loving this, Grandma watching in Hawaii, and I'm sure the High Chief is looking on with a big smile on his face.

Well you know, I'm proud of him too, and I haven't even gotten a chance to seduce him yet.