Howard Finkel quotes from Survivor Series

Ladies and gentlemen, as a result of a countout, Hulk Hogan has been eliminated. And futhermore the referees have instructed that if Hulk Hogan does not leave the ring and go back to the dressing room immediately, he will award the bout to Andre the Giant's team.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the Survivor Series! And now, ladies and gentlemen, may I present Jesse "The Body" Ventura and Gorilla Monsoon!

What are you doing, Jess?

Hey, I'm gonna have me a good time on Turkey Day, even in Cleveland, if you can imagine that.

Hello, everyone, and Happy Thanksgiving. We are pleased to present to you one of the most prestigious events ever put together in the history of professional wrestling. Now, I know that you're all full of that Thanksgiving turkey, the dressing, the cranberry sauce, the apple pie...

I know you are.

So just settle back in your favorite chair, because for the next three hours, you will be royally entertained by the superstars of the World Wrestling Federation.

Oh, he got caught. Cardinal mistake, put his head down. Now Dynamite's in the wrong part of town, and he's gonna pay for it.

And I'll tell you, you get caught in the wrong corner here, you've got six or eight boots hitting you.

At the same time.

Oh yeah.

To the best of my knowledge Jess--

And you know what else is great? They've got three or four guys to distract the referee [Smash throws referee Dave Hebner across the ring] and uh oh! Smash just fired the referee across the ring. [Bell rings.]

Well, that'll take care of Smash and Ax then.

As a result of a disqualification, Demolition has been eliminated.

Ax and Smash are gone. That was kind of stupid, Jess.

Well, they got a little overzealous. What can I say, Gorilla?

Now we've got mayhem, Gorilla. We got men all over the ring.

We certainly do, too many guys in there, a lot of them outside now. [Jim Brunzell flips over Tama, trying to bring him down. B. Brian Blair, now wearing a mask, flips over Tama, bringing him down while Brunzell slides out] Look at this. From the outside with a mask on! Who is that?

[as referee Jack Kruger counts to three] Wait a minute! That's the wrong Killer Bee!

That's not the legal man in the ring, that's B. Brian Blair.

[as Brunzell re-enters the ring now also in a mask] Here are the remaining survivors: the Young Stallions and the Killer Bees!

I object, Gorilla. That was not the right Killer Bee in the ring, they did that same stuff with the mask, that's a bunch of crap!

Well, they went outside, and B. Brian Blair put that Killer Bee mask on.

And of course, the idiot referee can't tell which Bee's in the ring. I can't even tell which one is in there when they do that.

Well, as you look right now, you see it's Jumpin' Jim Brunzell who has the mask on, but that was not the guy who made the pinfall.

[Mr. Fuji is up on the apron.] Nice clothesline by Smash as Ax tells him "Put him away!"

Whoa! Did you see that, Gorilla? Fuji was hanging on to the rope!

Fuji pulled that rope open. I don't know, inadvertently or not. Maybe he just lost his balance, Jess.

No! I distinctly saw Fuji open the ropes and Smash went through them.

And he got counted out!

Demolition has been counted out!

[Ax starts arguing with Fuji] Look at Ax call on Fuji now! Questioning Fuji about pulling that rope down! What is this?!

I don't care! I'm the boss! And I did not pull the rope down!

Fuji saying "I'm the boss!"

Ooh, Fuji hit him with the cane! Did you see that, Gorilla?

Look at that, rides him again with it.

It's not having any effect. [Fuji whacks Ax from behind with his cane]

Absolutely not. From behind, he nails him again with it! [Smash throws Fuji into Ax who slams him on the floor] He forgot about Smash! Oh, slamming Fuji on the canvas, on the concrete!

All I can say, Gorilla, is we've definitely had a major falling out, happened here tonight.

History is being made right here at Survivor Series, as Mr. Fuji and Demolition obviously have parted company.

Wait a minute. What have we got going on now?

Match continues on. Look at this! Why are they helping Fuji?

I tell you, Gorilla, there's more to this than meets the eye, I think.

Something stinks here.

And it definitely ain't Cleveland.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan has been disqualified.

Bullshit!

The Powers of Pain are big and they are strong and they know how to double-team.

There's evidence of it right there.

The Warlord caught Hogan. Hogan stumbling to the wrong corner, Gorilla.

Yeah, but where was the tag, Jess?

There wasn't one.

Oh, double clothesline by the champ. And the Powers of Pain are down. And Fuji's upset.

DiBiase and Roberts outside the ring. Hogan is getting double-teamed unmercifully here. Oh! Spike Piledriver...it's over!

Oh, Spike Piledriver nails the champ.

Hogan ain't gonna get up--

(in background) The Powers of Pain, have been disqualified

Oh, the referee saw that...he's disqualifying someone.

WHAT?! I can't believe it! He's saving Hogan again?! Not once! No, twice Hogan's gonna get saved in this match!

Referee may have just disqualified both members of the Powers of Pain.

Aw...this makes me sick, Monsoon! He disqualifies Zeus 'cause he beats up Hogan, now they disqualify the Powers of Pain because they beat up Hogan too!

No, He disqualified Zeus because Zeus manhandled the referee, and these two guys got caught in a deliberate double-team effort.

And look at this, Neidhart's getting beat up in the corner already. This thing's going wild.

And look at The Anvil unloading on The Brain.

The bell hasn't even rung yet. And look at Andre...

We don't have all the team members out there yet!

Yeah, but the big man, Andre the Giant is gonna eliminate The Anvil before the bell even sounds.

I believe the referee has called for the bell. And there's the Warrior.

There's the bell. There's the bell.

Warrior with a clothesline. Warrior just... He's knocked Andre silly! The match is official, it's underway, and Andre's down and out. How are they gonna pick him up?

Well the problem is, the bell rang with Andre in the ring. Andre's gotta get back in the the ring before a ten-count. The referee's counted...

Andre the Giant has been counted out.

Andre's gone.

Wow! What a blow to The Heenan Family.

Did you see the look on Arn Anderson's face? He can't believe it.

[on Jake Roberts] At this point, I hate to see the man get hurt. But there comes a point where you just maybe wanna see him get pinned so he don't get hurt anymore.

Well, you'll have to pin him 'cause he's not gonna quit, Hot Rod.

He's too much of a...

[as Jake hits a DDT on the Warlord] Oh, look at this! DDT!

YES!

He nailed the big guy!

YES!

[as Rick Martel sprays Arrogance at Jake, forcing him off the Warlord] Oh, look at Martel.

Did he get him?

No, Jake saw it coming, he turned his head, Hot Rod.

Alright.

But the referee didn't see any of that action.

[as Jake releases Damian from his bag] He's got a partner! He found a partner!

Can you blame him?

Not at all!

Look at Martel, scared to death! And Jake right on his tail! Hobbling, limping, but still going after him!

Martel, you coward, you did the least in there!

Referee's counting. Warlord, of course, the legal man in the ring, and Jake the Snake. [Chioda finishes the count and calls for the bell] Oh, he's out. I don't think he was worried about being counted out, Hot Rod. He wanted a piece of Martel.

Ladies and gentlemen, Jake "The Snake" Roberts has been counted out. Therefore, the winning survivors are the entire team of the Visionaries!

Oh, the entire team of the Visionaries have made it to the Grand Finale.

Including...

Including the Model, of course. The whole team, the first time in the history of the Survivor Series that an entire team has made it.

Martel would be there, but right now, he's running down Main Street Hartford.

Six remaining, and they're all in there. [Piper whips Flair into the corner, who flips over the top and onto the floor] Flair into the corner, up and over the top and out. He's the legal man out.

Hold my jacket!

Where're you going?

I think I have to go down there and help him out.

Oh, please.

Well, if you insist, I'll stay here.

Referee calling for the bell to ring here. Disqualification perhaps, or count-out. [The action spills out to the floor. As this happens, Flair re-enters the ring.] I know Flair's the legal man out there.

Well, they shouldn't disqualify him. They disqualify Piper? Who'd they disqualify?

Why don't you just wait a minute? Somebody's gonna be sent out of here.

I think Piper gave up. I think he quit and said, "I've had enough." I'm not sure what happened. There're bodies all over the place.

Ladies and gentlemen, here is the referee's official decision.

Here it comes.

[upon hearing from the referees] Bullshit!

[cont'd] He has disqualified every participant that was battling in the ring except for one man who is the sole survivor and the winner: Ric Flair!

How on Earth could he do that?! [Piper attacks Flair, sending him out of the ring] Piper not too happy about it.

Doesn't matter. The winner of the first tag match at Survivor Series, the real world's champion, Ric Flair! Now give me one, Monsoon! WOOOOO!!!

I'd like to give you one.

Look at this! [Flair places a steel chair in front of the Undertaker and he tombstones Hogan on it] Flair with a chair, a steel chair! Oh! He got piledrived, right through the steel chair!

Wait a minute... one, two...

[as the referee and Bobby count] Come on! Get out!

WE'VE GOT A NEW WORLD CHAMPION! WE GOT A NEW WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION CHAMPION! WOOOOO!

What a miscarriage of justice!

I told you so!

Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this bout and NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: The Undertaker!

This is horrendous! Three guys it took—it took the Undertaker, Paul Bearer, and Ric Flair to beat Hulk Hogan!

Hulkamania is dead! It is dead! Long live the Undertaker!

Walkin onto here as the new World Wrestling Federation champion, but not deservedly so, The Undertaker.

Look at his eyes, look at his eyes! The man is possessed!

I suppose you thought that was fair Brain.

Does it matter what I think?

It doesn't, huh?

There is a World Wrestling Federation new world champion. Hulkamania is dead!

Ladies and gentlemen, the referee has counted all members of the Teamsters out of the ring. The winner and survivor of this bout: the Bad Guy, Razor Ramon!

Imagine that if you would. Razor Ramon victorious against all odds. Shawn Michaels with one instruction too many. Shawn Michaels and Diesel, apparently with a huge difference of opinion, one I'm not so sure can be repaired.

Bret Hart, against all odds is somehow hanging on! Owen Hart, standing by with his mom and dad, watching Bret suffer in this hold!

[to Helen] Throw it in! You've gotta throw it in!

[Helen takes the black towel from out of the grasp of Stu Hart. Stu attempts to stop her, but Helen throws it into the ring before he can do anything] OH NO!

SHE THREW THE TOWEL IN! SHE THREW THE TOWEL IN! [The bell rings and Backlund releases the hold. Owen enters the ring and retrieves the towel. The referee then raises Backlund's hand in victory] And the towel has been thrown in! Oh no! [Owen, both towels in hand, runs backstage] But wait a minute! Wait a minute! I'm not going to believe this until there's an announcement.

[Stu and Helen discuss what had happened, while Bret continue to rive in pain] Hitman is hurt, Vince, and hurt bad.

[as referees check on Bret] Gorilla Monsoon, I think we have a new World Wrestling Federation Champion, and Helen Hart did what she had to do.

What's a mother to do?!

And... oh no. This can't be. [WWF officials arrive and help Stu and Helen get Bret out of the ring. Meanwhile Backlund is being offered the belt, and Backlund requests the belt be put around his waist] Can you believe this? Officials here in the WWF trying to help Bret back to the dressing room area. Imagine the anguish that Helen Hart and Stu must feel...

Hitman...

Imagine... because it was Helen Hart who finally yanked the towel out of Stu's hand and threw it in, and thus she ended the match, and thus she ended the reign of Bret Hart. Oh no.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner of this contest, and NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: Mr. Bob Backlund!

[Over Finkel's announcement] Look at that! That's gotta break Bret Hart. That's gotta break his heart!

Here is your winner: Rocky Maivia!

Oh my God, I feel like my name should be Adrian!

What a way to make your debut, with a big show in the Big Apple at the Survivor Series!

What a dream come true for this first third-generation WWF superstar! And how proud is Rocky Johnson and his mom? How proud are Mom and Dad sitting in Florida, watching this on pay-per-view, JR.

They've gotta be loving this, Grandma watching in Hawaii, and I'm sure the High Chief is looking on with a big smile on his face.

Well you know, I'm proud of him too, and I haven't even gotten a chance to seduce him yet.

The Hitman Bret Hart has met his match, JR.

Oh, absolutely. You know what, I'll tell you something. I don't know... Austin... I don't know what they're going to... what are you going to do to beat this man. [Austin slaps the Million Dollar Dream onto Bret] Wait a minute, there's the Million Dollar Dream.

Yes, sleeper applied on Bret Hart. Let's see what the Hitman can do. [Bret kicks off of the top rope, toppling onto Austin. Referee Tim White counts to three] Unbelievable!

Here is your winner: Bret "Hitman" Hart!

[over Howard's announcement] Austin wouldn't let go of the hold! Austin didn't let go of the Million Dollar Dream, and it cost him the victory! Bret Hart countered Austin's own maneuver!

You wanna talk about someone who knows all the ropes. Well the Hitman, Bret Hart just taught Steve Austin a move and some of the ropes, the likes of which he's never ever seen before.