Jesse Ventura quotes from Survivor Series

You know, only in Cleveland, only in Cleveland would you have fans cheering for the loser!

The only thing I can say to Sam [Houston] is welcome to the big time, kid.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the Survivor Series! And now, ladies and gentlemen, may I present Jesse "The Body" Ventura and Gorilla Monsoon!

What are you doing, Jess?

Hey, I'm gonna have me a good time on Turkey Day, even in Cleveland, if you can imagine that.

Hello, everyone, and Happy Thanksgiving. We are pleased to present to you one of the most prestigious events ever put together in the history of professional wrestling. Now, I know that you're all full of that Thanksgiving turkey, the dressing, the cranberry sauce, the apple pie...

I know you are.

So just settle back in your favorite chair, because for the next three hours, you will be royally entertained by the superstars of the World Wrestling Federation.

You know, now I think this is wrong, Gorilla. They could go for a pin, they're trying to torture the Honky Tonk Man.

Well, it's payback time, Jess.

And you condone this?

Absolutely. Anybody that would take Elizabeth and throw her down to the canvas is a piece of garbage in my book.

You shouldn't let personal things enter into it, Gorilla.

Oh, I'm sorry, I'll try to be more like you.

You know what I can't believe, Gorilla, is here we are now, out here, and I've got my second #1 movie in the whole world, The Running Man, and you have let... yet to congratulate me.

Well, I saw the movie, Jess, it is a happening. You were great.

And you know who my co-star is, I always let him in there, you know, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Yeah, yeah, you let him come in, right? Let him sneak in the backdoor.

Round and round she goes, and where she stops, there she stops.

Only Velvet knows. You like the end of that poetry, Gorilla?

Maybe you'll put out a book.

There we go. I'm better than Leaping Lanny Poffo, that's for sure.

A lot confidence on that team, and rightly so when the captains are the tag team champions.

I don't think so, Gorilla. They're too pretty. Every one of them guys is more worried about his hair.

Oh, he got caught. Cardinal mistake, put his head down. Now Dynamite's in the wrong part of town, and he's gonna pay for it.

And I'll tell you, you get caught in the wrong corner here, you've got six or eight boots hitting you.

At the same time.

Oh yeah.

To the best of my knowledge Jess--

And you know what else is great? They've got three or four guys to distract the referee [Smash throws referee Dave Hebner across the ring] and uh oh! Smash just fired the referee across the ring. [Bell rings.]

Well, that'll take care of Smash and Ax then.

As a result of a disqualification, Demolition has been eliminated.

Ax and Smash are gone. That was kind of stupid, Jess.

Well, they got a little overzealous. What can I say, Gorilla?

Jimmy Powers doing a nice job, but a reversal by Haku. Look at that flying clothesline!

No, that's Toma.

I'm sorry, yes it is. It's Tama.

Tama, Toma. It's Toma if I say it's Toma.

It's Tama, take my word for it.

I'll tell you, they do love their Strike Force here in Cleveland.

This is Richfield, Jess.

Yeah, that's a suburb of Cleveland. That's worse yet.

I'll tell you, if Powers and Roma go down now, that's gonna leave the Killer Bees in there against three teams.

That would make it a little rough.

Oh yeah, you're gonna have the same situation as the Honky Tonk Man got into earlier, and I'll bet you'll see the Bees take a walk.

Highly unlikely, Jess.

Why?

Because they're not that kind.

I would think that'd be the intelligent, smart thing to do in that situation.

Did you see the agility of that? Haku weighs what, 280?

Oh, he's 300, Jess.

And he went from a standing position, jumped up, and hit Roma with a dropkick right on the chin.

I'd like to see the Anvil try that. [Anvil also does a standing dropkick right here] Oh, he didn't get as high, but he got up there. He must've heard me. [Anvil goes for the pin, but Paul Roma gets his foot on the rope] Foot on the ropes, he knows he's not gonna get any kind of count.

Is he hooked into your headset, Gorilla?

I don't know, he may be. Deja vu.

Now we've got mayhem, Gorilla. We got men all over the ring.

We certainly do, too many guys in there, a lot of them outside now. [Jim Brunzell flips over Tama, trying to bring him down. B. Brian Blair, now wearing a mask, flips over Tama, bringing him down while Brunzell slides out] Look at this. From the outside with a mask on! Who is that?

[as referee Jack Kruger counts to three] Wait a minute! That's the wrong Killer Bee!

That's not the legal man in the ring, that's B. Brian Blair.

[as Brunzell re-enters the ring now also in a mask] Here are the remaining survivors: the Young Stallions and the Killer Bees!

I object, Gorilla. That was not the right Killer Bee in the ring, they did that same stuff with the mask, that's a bunch of crap!

Well, they went outside, and B. Brian Blair put that Killer Bee mask on.

And of course, the idiot referee can't tell which Bee's in the ring. I can't even tell which one is in there when they do that.

Well, as you look right now, you see it's Jumpin' Jim Brunzell who has the mask on, but that was not the guy who made the pinfall.

Bobby "The Brain" Heenan not letting Andre the Giant go back inside that ring because, in his opinion, nothing was up for grabs.

Baloney. Hogan was eliminated. He was counted out on the floor. I say what he did was despicable. Despicable as a champion, despicable to all those Hulkamaniacs out there. He should've taken the defeat like a man, stayed in the back. Instead, he comes out with the belt, uses it like a weapon, and crowns Andre with it.

Well, the match was over, Jess. And when you've got that adrenaline flowing through your body, and you got a vendetta like Hulk Hogan has for Andre the Giant, I couldn't expect him to do anything else.

So what's next? He's gonna attack him in the parking lot?

That's possible.

That's ridiculous.

Look at him, giving the fans exactly what they want.

What an egomaniac. The guy gets beaten, he gets eliminated, and he's standing out there like he won.

Davey Boy was looking to get back to his own corner, as we look at the Brain. Of course, the Brain Busters, his team, saying he's gonna take them to the top.

Well, if anybody can, Heenan can, Gorilla.

Well, he hasn't proven that to me. He doesn't have one championship.

Oh, you don't like him just because he's your partner on Prime Time!

No, no, that's not exactly true. If you're gonna have a champion, if you can make a champion, go ahead and make one, but he hasn't proven to me that he can.

What are you talking about? Andre held the title.

Well, for what, 30 seconds?

Only 'cause he gave it away.