JBL quotes from Survivor Series

They were down 5-to-2 at one point. And it's not that Rey Mysterio had an off night; Roman Reigns just had an incredible night.

[as Nikki Bella does "The Worm"] Scotty 2 Hotty oughta sue somebody for gimmick infringement!

[on Brodus Clay's entrance] A funky start to the Survivor Series.

"Funky"'s a kind word. This is what happens when you cross a plesiosaur with Adele. This is the offspring.

What are you talking about?

A plesiosaur, from the Cretaceous period.

No, I mean Adele's a singer, not a dancer.

Okay, Kirstie Alley.

Cesaro was considered too aggressive when he played rugby; he was actually kicked out of his league...

That's what I just said.

...before he came over here...

I'm over here with a freaking parrot!

...to WWE.

Good grief, I just said that! He was thrown out of the Top 14. Like Buck Shelford, All Blacks; Springboks-All Blacks! It's an island just south of Australia, parrot!

Now you know how it feels.

Come on, JBL, you can't blame him for not listening.

[on Del Rio] And you like that guy, JBL?

Love that guy! You have your ring announcer, you got a $100,000 collector's Rolls Royce! This man is terrific!

You know, you had your own Cabinet. How did that work out?

Not so well. We were the antithesis to the Four Horsemen.

Daniel Bryan a former World Champion.

And a vegan. Something else no one cares about. Tyson was a vegan until he ate Holyfield's ear.

[laughing] You've talked about every sport imaginable tonight, even rugby.

Your Google was busy today.

Ladies and gentlemen, tonight marks day #364 that CM Punk has been Champion. He is currently tied with Hulk Hogan for the eighth-longest reign in WWE history.

How could you possibly understate a record like that?! 364 days?! When CM Punk became the Champion, Mitt Romney wasn't even the Republican nomination, Snooki hadn't even had a baby, Hostess was still in business. One day away from being a year, CM Punk!

But wouldn't it be ironic if he doesn't quite make the year?

It would be a year if he can make it to Monday Night Raw. CM Punk's current reign is the longest in six years. The man who stands in the ring next to him now, John Cena, held it for 380 days between 2006-2007. Now isn't that ironic? Now, John, I gotta ask you. A lot of people have been talking all week long about Punk being paranoid heading into tonight, that perhaps tonight is the night that things all are gonna crash down around CM Punk. Have you heard those rumors? Do you believe in them?

The pressure of carrying the Championship that long, one day away from being one year, of course he's nervous. He's not facing one beast, he's facing two in Cena and this crazy manimal Ryback.

And he's also facing the law of averages.

Boston, Massachusetts, the home of the Boston Tea Party, where, at one time, a group of patriots banded together to spark a revolution. But looking around at this motley crew assembled here tonight, I can clearly see that there are no revolutionaries amongst us. But if the Boston Tea Party were held today, none of you would know it, because you don't pay attention. None of you would know anything about Paul Revere or Nathan Hale because you're too busy doing other things, stupid things like twerking.

Twerking?

Oh, he threw his back out.

Oh, you think that's funny? You're doing stupid things like talking on your cell phones or Tweeting to some idiot halfway across the country, or cheering some foreign guy by the name of David Ortiz! Disgusting! You should be cheering real Americans like Jack Swagger...

Enough, enough, Zeb! None of these people here paid to listen to you talk!

I did.

You paid?

And none of these people wanna see you twerk.

I do.

Oh, my God!

What?!

It's Sting!

What?!

Stinger's here!

A six-time WCW Champion, a two-time NWA World Heavyweight Champion!

But what the hell is he doing here?

The Icon! The Franchise!

The man who has never stepped foot inside WWE's arena before!

What a hell of an impact he's made the first time he did!

But why is Stinger here?!

None of his business, I'll tell ya!

This is incredible! [Sting comes to the ring and attacks Scott Armstrong] Down goes Armstrong!

Look at this! Sting!

Triple H with the first shot, but he missed!

Stinger strikes! [Sting pulls Rollins off of Ziggler onto his back, then pulls Ziggler on top of him, and walks out] And he pulls Ziggler into the cover of Seth Rollins.

[seeing the original referee make the count] Hey guys...

Here's the cover.

No! [The referee hits three] NO!

Team Cena wins!

Whoo-hoo!

Here is your winner: Dolph Ziggler, and Team Cena!

Oh, happy day!

The Authority is gone!

What has Sting done? And why?

Ladies and gentlemen, the most incredible moment in Survivor Series history! The Authority is out of power! Dolph Ziggler is the lone survivor, and the iconic Sting returns with a Death Drop to Triple H!