Bobby Heenan quotes from Survivor Series

Brain, if you keep quiet, no one will know how stupid you are.

You're kidding.

Undertaker trying to rip the face off the Hulkster.

What a rip-off, huh? Well, Detroit's known for hockey, so that would be a face-off.

Will you stop!

[after Paul Bearer chokes Hogan a second time] I'll tell you, this monitor just keeps kickin' in, kickin' out.

I'm gonna start kickin' you in and out in a minute!

[after Hogan nails Flair on the outside] Whoa! He said "What are you doing here?" and unloads!

Why did Hogan have to go touch Flair? Flair never touched the ring!

Look at this! [Flair places a steel chair in front of the Undertaker and he tombstones Hogan on it] Flair with a chair, a steel chair! Oh! He got piledrived, right through the steel chair!

Wait a minute... one, two...

[as the referee and Bobby count] Come on! Get out!

WE'VE GOT A NEW WORLD CHAMPION! WE GOT A NEW WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION CHAMPION! WOOOOO!

What a miscarriage of justice!

I told you so!

Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this bout and NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: The Undertaker!

This is horrendous! Three guys it took—it took the Undertaker, Paul Bearer, and Ric Flair to beat Hulk Hogan!

Hulkamania is dead! It is dead! Long live the Undertaker!

Walkin onto here as the new World Wrestling Federation champion, but not deservedly so, The Undertaker.

Look at his eyes, look at his eyes! The man is possessed!

I suppose you thought that was fair Brain.

Does it matter what I think?

It doesn't, huh?

There is a World Wrestling Federation new world champion. Hulkamania is dead!

WWF officials in the ring right now checking on the Hulkster, obviously knocked silly, knocked unconscious as Ric Flair slipped that steel chair underneath the bottom rope, allowing the Undertaker to piledrive the Hulkster's head right into it.

Well, had Hogan not gone outside the ring and put a hand on Ric Flair, the real World's champion, maybe he'd be standing right now. Maybe the match'd still be going right now. Maybe he'd be World Wrestling Federation Champion right now. But no, Hogan. You wanna live by your own rules. "Hulk rules," right? There's what Hulk rules, his back on the mat, no gold, no belt, and all these little punk Hulkamaniacs crying their eyes out! I love it, Hulkamania's been buried and it's dead!

Brain, give me a break. What business from the get-go did Ric Flair have down at ringside during this title match?!

I don't know.

Oh you don't know. "I don't know." That's your standard out—"I don't know."

You ask him if he...

He's the one responsible for this title change!

I have trouble telling the Beverly's apart.

Beau's the one with the blond hair.

Marty Jannetty, in picking up one of the Nasty Boys, accidentally kicked his own partner right in the face with the legs of the Nasty Boy. Shawn really bent out of shape here, furious with Marty Jannetty, and Marty Jannetty saying...Marty doesn't even know what happened.

Well, I'll tell you, it's like I was reading in WWF Magazine, there's dissension between the Rockers. You know, they've hated each other...

They did not! Will you stop, that's not true!

They don't get along at all! They're both prima donnas!

They are not!

The rumors about them are true!

What rumors?

That they can't stand each other, in the World Wrestling Federation Magazine. Don't you read that publication?! I have my own column in it, I read it every month!

All you do is look at the pictures! I don't think you can read!

Well, it's all gonna happen This Tuesday in Texas, Brain. The big one. Newly crowned World Wrestling Federation Champion, the Undertaker, his first title defense against the former Champion, the Hulkster. What an opportunity for him to become 4-time, unprecedented, holder of the WWF Title.

Is that gonna be something, when they play that "Real American" music, and he walks to the ring without the belt?

And also, the Macho Man Randy Savage...

Oh, yeah, with Elizabeth.

...back inside the ring to face Jake "The Snake" Roberts. [Checking headset] What's that? Yes? Oh, we have found, we have located...

[checking his headset] Hello?

Mean Gene Okerlund, we understand he has found the Undertaker. [Bobby takes out his headset and picks up the phone] Gene Okerlund, where are you?

I'm not quite certain, Gorilla Monsoon. However, I must say I feel very uncomfortable here in the catacombs, in the bowels, if you will, of Joe Louis Arena where I have finally found the new World Wrestling Federation Champion, the Undertaker. Manager Paul Bearer, you cannot be happy with the decision of President Jack Tunney ordering the rematch This Tuesday in Texas with your man, the Undertaker, facing the Immortal Hulk Hogan.

Oh, Mr. Okerlund, nothing is immortal, not even Hulkamania. Hulkamania died right here this very evening, oh yes. And normally, Mr. Okerlund, when something dies, you hold the services almost immediately, but not in the case of Hulkamania. We'll hold him over, yes, right in the embalming room of my funeral parlor. And sometime between now and Tuesday, we will eviscerate him. Oh, yes. Eviscerate his bluing flesh. Oh, that stench.

We warned you what was in store for Hulk Hogan. And now, Mr. Okerlund, let me enlighten you what we have in store for Hulkamania. [Opens the coffin] Look into the coffin. Look, Mr. Okerlund. Look. Hulkamania, it died at Survivor Series. Now, the only thing left is this Tuesday. [Closes the lid] The burial.

Allow me to introduce my perfect tag team partner: Mr. Perfect, oooohhh yeahhhh!!!

Take a look at this, Bobby Heenan!

This is turning my stomach.

Come on! Where is he? Where's Mr. Perfect? Where's the Macho Man's tag team partner?

He took a hike!

He to... [Perfect enters] There he is!

There he is, that no good backstabbing ingrate! Oh, you're gonna get it! You're gonna get it good!

Think about the Macho Man and the only perfect athlete in the WWF together.

What do you mean "the only perfect athlete"?

You've said it many times before, I'm quoting you.

Well, I thought he was! But to be a perfect athlete, you have to be a perfect man, a man of integrity! When he turned on me, Flair and Ramon, he showed me so! He's not perfect!

That doesn't take anything away from his athletic prowess, does it?

I believe it does!

He is on fire. He's white hot. This man is hot.

The Hitman Bret Hart is indeed, I agree with you.

You bet. No, I'm talking about Shawn Michaels! Don't you ever pay attention to me?

That's surviving, McMahon.

Pardon me, that's cheating.

Well, cheating and surviving go hand in hand.

Have you ever cheated somebody?

Of course not.

You should try it! It's a ball!

Bobby Heenan...

Oh come on, ref...

What, do you want to referee now too? You wanna be president of the World Wrestling Federation?