Mean Gene Okerlund quotes from Survivor Series

I wanted to point out to you and your cohorts that the Survivor Series is being shown around the world to our armed forces. They are gonna be seeing you in action here tonight against the Alliance, and especially those great guys and gals who are serving our country proudly in the Persian Gulf, and by the way, they find you and your commanding officer despicable.

Despicable?!

Yes! Despicable.

Stand at attention, you puke. Shut that hole and listen up! And all you maggots out there, listen up! Despicable is saluting the red, white & blue! I, Sgt. Slaughter, salute one flag, and that flag is the banner of that brave Iraqi nation!

You've gotta be kidding me!

You know what, pukeface? Today, my Mercenaries and I sat down to a beautiful, hot, delicious turkey dinner with all the trimmings, and we didn't have to worry about swatting any desert flies away from the table; and we didn't have the smell of camel dung in the air when we chewed our food and swallowed it; but best of all, we didn't have any sand in our pumpkin pie! What did all of you American gung-ho soldiers out there in Saudi Arabia have in your K-ration can today? Hot turkey sandwich?!

You call yourself an American? You've got to be kidding.

President Bush, take some advice from Sgt. Slaughter before you send your troops into battle against President Saddam Hussein: Always think twice because the Iraqi Army soldier is just like the Mercenaries and Sgt. Slaughter — we take no prisoners and we are survivors, and THAT'S AN ORDER! You're dismissed.

What a despicable piece of garbage.

You pig! You pig! You know why he got kicked out of the service? For saying "Shazam!" too much.

If these boys don't finish them off, I'm grabbing his butt, I'll take him over to the Persian Gulf and let our troops have a go at him! Let's see what kind of drill sergeant he is! You're nothing but a pig, you hang around with pigs, and you ain't got enough guts to eat a can of K-rations! I would rather eat K rations that eat turkey with you, you pig!

All right, Jake "The Snake" Roberts, these people saw what happened this weekend, I saw it, and millions around the world had an opportunity to see what took place. You said it was an accident.

Trust me, it was.

You said that snake had been devenomized by the lab.

Cross my heart and hope to die, that's what I was told.

You know, Jake Roberts, do you realize how much anguish you have caused the Macho Man Randy Savage and Miss Elizabeth, the torture that these...

Yeah, it excited me a bit. Yeah, I thought about it for a long time.

You are a sick man, Jake Roberts.

Thank you very much.

You know, there are many who say that Jack Tunney should have 86'ed you for your actions, you should be out of the World Wrestling Federation altogether! You're very fortunate to have an opportunity to meet the Macho Man Randy Savage one-on-one, This Tuesday in Texas, and I, for one, can hardly wait.

Is that right?

That's right.

You know, let's start off by saying this. You're trying to cast me as the original sinner; well, I spoke to God this morning, and he said he doesn't like you. So let's point the finger at somebody else besides me. Let's point the finger at the people that voted for Savage, let's point the finger at Jack Tunney, let's point the finger at the World Wrestling Federation, not at me.

You know, when you take a look at everything, the one-on-one match-up between you and the Macho Man Randy Savage, all of a sudden now, there is a very interesting hook to all of this—the fact that there will be no reptiles allowed at ringside, and that means no snakes in the bag.

You know, it's hard to believe after six years, you people haven't caught on yet. The thing in the bag was simply a toy, something for me to amuse myself with. I've always been the snake you should worry about, and for six years you haven't caught on. It surprises me that anyone, even you, can be that ignorant.

You laugh.

Yeah, I laugh. Because Tuesday in Texas, Elizabeth, you have a ticket. You have a one-way ticket, a one-way ticket, Elizabeth. So don't be shy, sweetheart, let's use it, huh? You show up. A one-way ticket to the other side, if you will. Because this Tuesday in Texas...princess, don't expect the prince to be there to wake you up with a kiss, because you see...Tuesday in Texas is not the end, it is not the beginning, it's not even the beginning of the end, yet the end of the beginning.

Roddy Piper, you saw what happened! You tell me!

All right, man. It be a bad day in the WWF. They say anything can happen in the Survivor Series in the WWF, and it has. The Undertaker, the new WWF Champion, you Addams Family reject! I just saw Hogan down there, he got red in his eyes, he got hair on his teeth, screaming "Tunney! Tunney!" Where are you now, Tunney! You saw what happened. Oh, and Lurch's new-found friend, Cousin Itt, Ric Flair running down there. You're a real handy guy when someone's got his back turned! Ding-dong! Ding-dong! We're hearing the bell, Undertaker. Ding-dong! Flair, we're hearing the bell! As far as I'm concerned, when it comes to the Undertaker becoming the WWF Champ with the help of Ric Flair, ain't no different than David Duke becoming Prez. We hear the bells, and we be coming. Ding-dong.

Never in my life have I seen anything quite so disgusting! Quite so despicable. As a matter of fact Jack Tunney, It's a travesty! And I want to know what you're going to do about it.

Gene, not withstanding what actually occurred this evening in the gravest challenge, the referee's decision is final.

That's wrong!

And cannot be challenged by me. However, it is well within my authority to order a rematch at the earliest possible date. Therefore, it is my decision that the Undertaker meet Hulk Hogan in a rematch for the World Wrestling Federation title this Tuesday in Texas.

Amen.

And furthermore, I will physically be at ringside to ensure a fair and just outcome.

President Jack Tunney, you have acted very quickly. I know it's a difficult decision but I certainly concur and look forward to this Tuesday night.

Well, it's all gonna happen This Tuesday in Texas, Brain. The big one. Newly crowned World Wrestling Federation Champion, the Undertaker, his first title defense against the former Champion, the Hulkster. What an opportunity for him to become 4-time, unprecedented, holder of the WWF Title.

Is that gonna be something, when they play that "Real American" music, and he walks to the ring without the belt?

And also, the Macho Man Randy Savage...

Oh, yeah, with Elizabeth.

...back inside the ring to face Jake "The Snake" Roberts. [Checking headset] What's that? Yes? Oh, we have found, we have located...

[checking his headset] Hello?

Mean Gene Okerlund, we understand he has found the Undertaker. [Bobby takes out his headset and picks up the phone] Gene Okerlund, where are you?

I'm not quite certain, Gorilla Monsoon. However, I must say I feel very uncomfortable here in the catacombs, in the bowels, if you will, of Joe Louis Arena where I have finally found the new World Wrestling Federation Champion, the Undertaker. Manager Paul Bearer, you cannot be happy with the decision of President Jack Tunney ordering the rematch This Tuesday in Texas with your man, the Undertaker, facing the Immortal Hulk Hogan.

Oh, Mr. Okerlund, nothing is immortal, not even Hulkamania. Hulkamania died right here this very evening, oh yes. And normally, Mr. Okerlund, when something dies, you hold the services almost immediately, but not in the case of Hulkamania. We'll hold him over, yes, right in the embalming room of my funeral parlor. And sometime between now and Tuesday, we will eviscerate him. Oh, yes. Eviscerate his bluing flesh. Oh, that stench.

We warned you what was in store for Hulk Hogan. And now, Mr. Okerlund, let me enlighten you what we have in store for Hulkamania. [Opens the coffin] Look into the coffin. Look, Mr. Okerlund. Look. Hulkamania, it died at Survivor Series. Now, the only thing left is this Tuesday. [Closes the lid] The burial.

All right, we have just heard from challenger, Intercontinental Champion Shawn Michaels. With me right now, the World Wrestling Federation Champion himself, Bret "the Hitman" Hart, bringing his scientific knowledge here to the Survivor Series. Bret Hart, I vividly recall recently up in your home country in Canada, Saskatoon, you defeated the Nature Boy Ric Flair and made World Wrestling Federation history. You did it with your patented, painful leg submission hold, the Sharpshooter. Since that time, you've embarked on a most ambitious series of title defenses. You've said "no" to no one; you've taken on all comers. I recall in two and a half week span of time, you met and defeated—get this lineup—the Mountie, the Berzerker, Rick "The Model" Martel, big Papa Shango. Most recently, you defeated Virgil. You did it with the Sharpshooter. Tonight, this title—your title, Bret Hart—the World Wrestling Federation Title is on the line as you meet Intercontinental Champion Shawn Michaels.

You know, Gene, Survivor Series and Thanksgiving have always been held in real close association. And everybody around the world knows that Thanksgiving is maybe the most special day for giving thanks. And nobody knows more about giving thanks than I do. As I stand before you right now, being the World Wrestling Federation champion, took me a long time to get this far, Gene. And Shawn Michaels, it's not about giving thanks for surviving one night. It's like surviving eight and a half years. That's what I've been doing, Shawn Michaels. I've been surviving a long time. I started out on the bottom, Shawn Michaels, of the World Wrestling Federation, I started out taking on everybody, clawing and fighting my way to the top, fighting my way through injuries, pain, all kinds of opponents. All kinds of shapes and sizes. And it didn't matter who it was, Shawn Michaels, I went through the tag teams, I went through the Intercontinental. But you know, Shawn Michaels, I've won a few, I've lost a few. But I'm right now, I'm at the highest. I am the World Wrestling Federation Champion, and I am proud of it. Shawn Michaels, you're a great wrestler, you got all kinds of great moves. And I got nothing but respect for you. You're gonna be a great Intercontinental Champion. But Shawn Michaels, tonight we're gonna find out who's gonna survive as the World Wrestling Federation champion. And the Excellence of Execution is feeling pretty excellent tonight.