Jim Ross quotes from Survivor Series

As far as his popularity goes, The 1-2-3 Kid has gone from the penthouse to the outhouse.

Phineas, climbing the rope. [Marty Jannetty shoves Phineas Godwinn off] There you go.

Phineas is gonna attempt a suplex. Now, how stupid is that? He's 6'7" and 300 pounds, stay on the mat! [Marty tries to elbow-drop Phineas, but misses] And make a tag! Poor old Phineas, I don't know. Those three years he spent in the fourth grade, I just don't think set well with him.

Hard shoulder block by Windham, the son of Blackjack Mulligan, knocking the rather... well, he's a little weird, ol' Phineas is, from Bitters, Arkansas.

Now, wait a minute, wait a minute, don't start already, JR. There's nothing weird about the guy just because he comes into the ring wearing a pair of overalls and... I don't know, he must sweat a lot. He's already soaking wet; the match has just started. But that doesn't make him weird.

Those three years in the third grade had nothing to do with that analogy, I guess.

Tonight, the mystery opponent...to square off against Mankind. This legend, in the ranks of sports-entertainment, made his WWF debut in 1990. Over the course of the next six years, this charismatic superstar boasted a won-loss record that set new standards here in the WWF. Unfortunately, seeking more opposition of his own caliber, this natural athlete jumped ship to the "dubya-C-dubya" (WCW)...

Woah! Who is it?

...and after suffering a massive shoulder injury, this cornerstone of the World Wrestling Federation has been sidelined for the past two years. With his career on the line, he fought back with resilience, dreaming of this triumphant return to the ring here tonight. Therefore, without further ado, allow me to introduce to you. Currently, the coach of the Pasadena Chargers. The man...the myth...Duane Gill.

Who?

What...is he....?

Duane Gill? Wait a minute I know him, that's Duane Gill!

Well I'm not...he's...he's...he's got a video. McMahon has had a video prepared to Duane Gill, who has spent more time on the canvas than Rembrandt.

What? This is Mankind's mystery opponent? Handpicked by Mr. Vince McMahon?

Well, I tell you what...when McMahon told Mankind that... [pyro goes off] OH! I don't think Duane's quite used to getting pyro.

He's got pyro and it scared him!

I think that, I was informed just a second ago by our producers, that the Pasadena Chargers...is an elementary school football team. It's no as as if came...

Well don't hold that against him.

It's not as as if he came from the NFL or something.

Vince McMahon in the ring! Now Vince has got the title belt.

OH! [Big Show chokeslams Billy Gunn]

Vince McMahon has got the title belt in his hand, King.

Look out! Wha... [Vince swings at Triple H with the belt, but misses] Uh-oh.

Oh, going for Triple H's head...

[Vince swings again, and this time hits Triple H] NO!

AND HE GOT IT! McMAHON JUST KNOCKED TRIPLE H DOWN WITH THE BELT! [Big Show picks up Triple H and chokeslams him] THE BIG SHOW WITH A CHOKESLAM!

[Big Show covers him. Vince, who was scheduled to be the referee for this match, counts and the audience counts along with him] No! I can't believe it! [Vince counts three]

THE BIG SHOW! McMAHON HAS SCREWED HELMSLEY!

[as he says this, Vince hands over the title to the Big Show] The winner of this bout, and NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: The Big Show!

Vince McMahon has screwed Triple H, and it is Show Time! It's Show Time! Triple H has lost the WWF Title to the Big Show!

Austin, you're gonna regret this, don't do it!

I'm gonna do it you pissed me off!

Austin, all right enough is enough, don't do it! Austin you're gonna regret it I know.

Ehheehh, give me a hell yeah you son of a bitch!

[feels car tipping to the side] Austin don't, oh my god, Austin don't, don't, do [as car drops to the pavement] HOLY SHIT!!!

The Game's in that car!! Austin just dropped the Game from that machine!!

Why doesn't Hebner call for the bell?!

Because the Rock hasn't tapped!

Well, that never stopped him before at Survivor Series, did it?!

And the Game going back; he's going to try it again.

Oh-ho.

One more Pedigree! He's going to stop Michaels!

[But Michaels back body drops out of the way] Look out, Game! Look out!

And Michaels back body dropped the Game! [Michaels gets into Superkick position] He came out of it!

[Michaels hits Sweet Chin Music and the crowd erupts] Oh, he GOT him!

SWEET CHIN MUSIC! SWEET CHIN MUSIC! THE COVER! [Earl Hebner counts and the crowd counts along with him: "One"] THE COVER! ["Two"] HE GOT HIM! ["Three"; the crowd erupts again]

NO! WHAT?!?

SHAWN MICHAELS! SHAWN MICHAELS IS THE WORLD CHAMPION!

What?!? WHAT did you say?

[over Jerry talking] The winner of this bout, and NEW World Heavyweight Champion: HBK, Shawn Michaels!

THEY'RE ON THEIR FEET AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN! MY GOD, I DON'T BELIEVE IT! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!

They're on their feet all over the world right now, JR! Nobody believes this!

SHAWN MICHAELS IS THE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD!

ACK! Look at this! [Confetti begins to drop from the rafters]

MY GOD, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

This may be the world's biggest celebration!

I know it's been said before, BUT IN THE WWE, DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?!?