Jerry Lawler quotes from SummerSlam

Hello ladies!

Are there any ladies in New York City?

Of course there are.

Of the night.

So the Big Valbowski has arrived to the Big Apple. Well, you know something? I came, I saw...and I came again.

Is D'Lo from Europe?

No, he's not, he's from Jersey.

Jersey?

Right hand by D'Lo Brown.

I think it's Lisbon or Munich.

Or Hoboken.

The Rock's swinging that ladder just like Mark McGwire's swinging a baseball bat.

Why don't we ever talk about Sammy Sosa? Never mind.

No WWF Champion has ever entered Madison Square Garden with that kind of ovation! I challenge you, I challenge you to research that, King! I literally felt this building shake!

Okay, I'll give you that. Every single soul is on their feet with anticipation! They love Stone Cold Steve Austin. But a lot of them love the Undertaker too. This is truly gonna be the collision on the highway to Hell.

(After Triple H strikes Shawn Michaels twice with his sledgehammer after their match) I refuse to believe what I see, I refuse to believe that after the most courageous victory that many of us had ever seen, that son of a bitch used that hammer on Shawn, he's hit him twice with that sledgehammer! (Triple H performs a crotch chop to the incapacitated Michaels before leaving) My god almighty, Triple H is gonna rot.

Hurry, hurry, get the....

He's gonna rot in hell for what he did here tonight. (EMT's attend to Michaels as Triple H smirks) This just makes me sick.

Are you proud of yourself now?! Look at him! Look at that stinkin' smile on his face!

How in god's name can that human being be from this planet? How can he, does he have no conscience? Does he have no heart?! Do you have no soul?! You son of a bitch! Do you realize what you've just done?!

[as the Miz enters] Yes, the man I believe is going to be the key to Team WWE.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it, hold up. Wait a second. Miz, I got news for you: you're way, way, way too late. We realize how important this match is to WWE and we couldn't rely on somebody who was gonna make their decision the day of SummerSlam. So we all have gone out and found a seventh member of Team WWE. It's not you. As a matter of fact, it's somebody that hates the Nexus just as much as all of us. The seventh member of Team WWE is Daniel Bryan.

What?

Daniel Bryan?

[as Bryan walks down the aisle] You've gotta be kidding me!

It is Daniel Bryan!

This is ridiculous! This is a huge mistake! Daniel Bryan was the Miz's rookie on NXT, and now he's part of Team WWE! And here we go!

Here we go! The American Dragon has arrived at SummerSlam!

Ladies and gentlemen, back by popular demand, the most must-see WWE Champion of ALL TIME, the Miz has returned to SummerSlam! I just wanna take this time to thank each and every one of you for your insistence that I compete tonight and for your unwavering support. So now I want you to sit back and relax and watch as I steal the show like only I can because...

Now that was pretty rude.

Yo, Miz! I don't know why you wanna thank these people here in Los Angeles. You know how I hate spiders, Miz? You see, spiders start with the letter S... [Audience yells "WHAT?!"]...just like SummerSlam starts with the letter S. [WHAT?!] Don't "what" me! [What?!] And singing at SummerSlam is Cee-Lo Green. [WHAT?!] You know what else starts with the letter C? [WHAT?!] Conspiracy. You see what I mean?! [WHAT?!] Next time y'all "what" me...

This is SummerSlam, I thought we were on Sesame Street there for a minute.

Wow, just in time.

You're on a street paved with gold now.

[on Daniel Bryan] I like the beard on him, I like the new look on Daniel Bryan...

You know how long it took him to grow that beard? About two months! Actually, I believe he hasn't even shaved yet. Like, forever.

What is Daniel Bryan gonna have to do to make a believer out of you? Is there anything possible he can do to make you a Daniel Bryan fan? What?

Yeah, quit.

[as CM Punk celebrates his win, becoming undisputed WWE Champion] What a SummerSlam, ladies and gentlemen, here tonight in Los Angeles. What a SummerSlam. [Punk turns around to find Kevin Nash, who clotheslines him] Wait a minute, oh my God! Who the hell?! Who the hell is that?!

What the hell?

Kevin Nash! That's Kevin Nash!

You got to be kidding! That's my big homey!

What is he doing here?! [Nash powerbombs Punk] Oh my God, the Jackknife Powerbomb! [Nash leaves through the audience as Triple H looks on in bewilderment. Meanwhile, Del Rio walks down with a referee and the briefcase] Oh my lo...OH MY GOD, Alberto Del Rio, Mr. Money in the Bank...

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, my goodness.

...with a referee in tow!

Timing is everything!

Del Rio! Del Rio with the Money in the Bank contract! He's cashing it in!

[the bell rings] Alberto Del Rio cashing in his Money in the Bank contract!

CM Punk...

I don't believe this.

...taken out by Nash! [Del Rio kicks Punk in the head] Del Rio, kick to the back of the head! The cover! [The ref counts to three] Oh, my lord! Del Rio's Champion! Del Rio's Champion!

The winner of this match and NEW WWE Champion: Alberto Del Rio!

[as Del Rio celebrates, being handed the title] This is absolutely unbelievable! What a turn of events!

Pandemomium at SummerSlam!

What this is, guys, this is destiny tonight for Alberto Del Rio!

But what was Kevin Nash doing here?!

Triple H trying to figure out...trying to make sense of everything that has happened here.

As we are. This is total chaos. I think that Alberto Del Rio is now the undisputed WWE Champion.

He is! He is!

Did you say "think"? Alberto Del Rio is the new WWE Champion here tonight at SummerSlam! He cashed it in!

Triple H has no idea what's happened. Del Rio cashed in his Money in the Bank contract...

But he did it after CM Punk was laid out by Kevin Nash, who had...what the hell was he doing here?! Well, there's our undisputed Champion, Alberto Del Rio! What just happened?!

[on the "YES!" chants] The chants are really getting to Daniel Bryan.

I'm gonna point out what I've been saying all along. This is extremely unfair for Daniel Bryan. The crowd's distracting him.

You just really can't make up your mind, can you? You're indecisive. I remember when you couldn't stand Daniel Bryan; now you're at the top of his fan club.

Well, he's won me over.

I heard you've got a seven-year-old son you haven't named yet. Come on, make up your mind about things, Cole.

[after Triple H had tapped out to Brock Lesnar] You have to wonder if this is the end for Triple H.

Wow, I think he just said goodbye.

And his opponent, from San...[Alberto stops her and whispers into her ear] Ladies and gentlemen, Alberto Del Rio is insisting that I introduce him in Spanish. Desde San Luis Potosí, Mexico, pesando doscientos treinta y nueve libras. Él es el campeón de peso completo, Alberto Del Rio!

Lilian had better be careful. We know what happened to the last ring announcer for Alberto Del Rio.

Bryan for a cover, hook of the leg...[Triple H counts to three] HE DID IT! DANIEL BRYAN DID IT! DANIEL BRYAN IS WWE CHAMPION!

Oh man!

The winner of this match and NEW WWE Champion: Daniel Bryan!

The fairytale has come true! The dream of a lifetime! The decade of perseverance and hard work has paid off! Daniel Bryan is on top of the world!

It's said before, but they're right—miracles can happen!

Daniel Bryan is WWE Champion!

The beard is here, and the Champ is here!

This could be the year of the beard.

I hear voices in my head...

Oh my God. Oh my God!

You've gotta be kidding me.

Mr. Money in the Bank, Randy Orton, briefcase and contract in tow.

Randy Orton's gonna cash in.

Is Randy Orton gonna ruin Bryan's moment? [Randy holds the briefcase up, takes a few steps toward the ring...] The Champ not backing down. [...then turns around and walks back] And Randy Orton with a little message, just a little reminder to the WWE Champion.

Yeah. "I'm still here."

[as Randy stops halfway up and turns around] YES!

[chanting] YES!

Wait a minute.

Oh my God! OH MY GOD!

What are you doing?!

What the hell?! [...and Pedigrees him. Randy enters the ring and hands the briefcase to Triple H.] Oh my God, no. Oh my God, no! Hunter, what are you doing?!

[handing the briefcase to the announcer] Ring the bell now. Ring it.

Hunter, what are you doing? This match is underway. Bryan's out cold. [Randy turns Daniel onto his back and covers him.] Randy Orton...[Triple H counts to three, with the crowd counting alongside him] Randy Orton has cashed in Money in the Bank. Randy Orton is a seven-time WWE Champion.

The winner of this match and NEW WWE Champion: Randy Orton!

Oh my God! Triple H, wha...?

What the hell just happened?

[struggling to say it] It just isn't real.

Talk about a damper on the party. This is the damnedest SummerSlam I've ever seen.

You've gotta be kidding me.

You can't help but feel bad for Daniel Bryan.

Daniel Bryan...Daniel Bryan.

Well, you know what, guys? Look at it this way—Mr. McMahon just got his wish. He didn't want Cena to be Champion, and he sure as hell didn't want Daniel Bryan to be Champion.

[on Maria Menounos] She once called me her favorite host of all time at WrestleMania.

What?

She later admitted that she was under the influence.