“2011” quotes from SummerSlam

Ladies and gentlemen, back by popular demand, the most must-see WWE Champion of ALL TIME, the Miz has returned to SummerSlam! I just wanna take this time to thank each and every one of you for your insistence that I compete tonight and for your unwavering support. So now I want you to sit back and relax and watch as I steal the show like only I can because...

Now that was pretty rude.

Yo, Miz! I don't know why you wanna thank these people here in Los Angeles. You know how I hate spiders, Miz? You see, spiders start with the letter S... [Audience yells "WHAT?!"]...just like SummerSlam starts with the letter S. [WHAT?!] Don't "what" me! [What?!] And singing at SummerSlam is Cee-Lo Green. [WHAT?!] You know what else starts with the letter C? [WHAT?!] Conspiracy. You see what I mean?! [WHAT?!] Next time y'all "what" me...

This is SummerSlam, I thought we were on Sesame Street there for a minute.

Wow, just in time.

You're on a street paved with gold now.

I want you to tell me directly that that kick was accidental, 'cause I will not allow you to impugn my integrity or challenge my authority as Executive Vice President of Talent Relations. So I want a public apology for what happened last Monday night right now.

[mockingly] I'm sorry. Please forgive me and humbly accept my apology, Mr. John Laurinaitis, Senior Executive of Talent Relations...

Executive Vice President.

Executive Vice President of Talent Relations. I'm sorry.

I just came to wish you luck tonight.

[looking over his shoulders] You came here to wish me luck?

I did.

I find that hard to believe. Why don't you go run along and talk to your husband, the new COO of WWE; or you know, better yet, why don't you go wish your daddy luck? I mean, I know he doesn't run day-to-day operations around here anymore—thank God!—but I know he's still chairman of the board.

Well, I actually did speak to both my husband and my father and, believe it or not, they both wish you luck too, as well as John Cena. But what would I know? I'm just Vince McMahon's clueless daughter, right?

Yeah, more or less, you're pretty clueless, but I didn't say it, you did. I called you idiotic.

[shrugging and extending her hand] Good luck.

I would, but I know where that hand's been.

There's no way we shoulda lost that. It's a C-O-N...what do you think about this, Jimmy Hart? What do you think?

You know, Truth, I've been watching you. You know, you need somebody to take you to the top because...you're good, but you need somebody to take you to the top. Look what I've done—I've managed the Honky Tonk Man, I've had Money Inc., I've had the Hart Foundation. You need somebody to watch your back and, like I said again, take you to the top. You need somebody to watch over you to make sure you don't get got by the conspiracy. You need someone like me. You need me because you got think big. You gotta think big in this business.

You make a lot of sense, Jimmy. A lot of sense. It's a big world, it's a big business. You gotta think big. Everything's big. I had it wrong all along. Think big and not little, Jimmy.

Not little.

Little Jimmy? You Little Jimmy?

[scared] I'm not Little Jimmy.

You smell like Little Jimmy!

I don't smell...I'm not Little Jimmy!

You talkin' 'bout Little Jimmy?!

No, no, I wasn't. I wasn't.

Where's Little Jimmy at?!

[running away] I don't know where Little Jimmy is!

Every time I turn around, Little Jimmy! Little Jimmy's conspiracies everywhere! Getting tired of this. [Turns to his right] What y'all lookin' at?!

[to Ron] And they say you need counseling?

It's okay.

[on Daniel Bryan] I like the beard on him, I like the new look on Daniel Bryan...

You know how long it took him to grow that beard? About two months! Actually, I believe he hasn't even shaved yet. Like, forever.

What is Daniel Bryan gonna have to do to make a believer out of you? Is there anything possible he can do to make you a Daniel Bryan fan? What?

Yeah, quit.

As most of you probably know, [to Christian] as you know, [to random fans] as you know, as you know, heck, as you know, the WWE doctors...the WWE have told me that I'll never physically be cleared to compete here ever again. [Audience boos] Trust me, I booed too, okay? It was a bitter pill to swallow. But you know what? When I left, I was actually happy. I was happy. Here's the thing. Because I felt that I was part of passing the torch to Christian. I felt like...like maybe I opened the door a crack for you and you kicked it wide open and I was so proud of you. You finally became the World Heavyweight Champion and no one deserved it more than you. Hey, hear me out. Here's the thing. I thought it was unfair that Teddy Long made you defend the Championship five days after a ladder match. We both agreed on that. You didn't think it was fair, I didn't think it was fair. And then you came and you complained about it the next week, and the week after that, and the week after that, and the week after that, the week after that, the week after that, the week after that, so on, and so on, and so on, and so on, and so on. You whined, you moaned, you asked for opportunity after opportunity, rematch after rematch, and you got it. You won back the World Heavyweight Championship—two-time World Heavyweight Champion. But you did it by disqualification? I mean, trust me, I did some horrible things in here, some really heinous things, but I always did it with style. I always did it with some panache. I wasn't boring. I didn't hide behind lawyers, I didn't hide behind suits and clipboards. Somewhere along the line, Christian, you became a disgrace to yourself. You're better than that, you know it. And I love ya. 'Til the day I die, you will be my best friend, that's never gonna change, but you need to hear this from me 'cause you're not gonna listen to it from anybody else—I didn't know my best friend would become a whining, crying, moaning little bitch.

Talking to one vet earlier on today when he...well, he compared Triple H as the COO and as the referee of this match-up akin to a police officer making an arrest, and then that same police officer also being the judge in the same case. A little conflict of interest perhaps, that's how many people view this.

[as CM Punk celebrates his win, becoming undisputed WWE Champion] What a SummerSlam, ladies and gentlemen, here tonight in Los Angeles. What a SummerSlam. [Punk turns around to find Kevin Nash, who clotheslines him] Wait a minute, oh my God! Who the hell?! Who the hell is that?!

What the hell?

Kevin Nash! That's Kevin Nash!

You got to be kidding! That's my big homey!

What is he doing here?! [Nash powerbombs Punk] Oh my God, the Jackknife Powerbomb! [Nash leaves through the audience as Triple H looks on in bewilderment. Meanwhile, Del Rio walks down with a referee and the briefcase] Oh my lo...OH MY GOD, Alberto Del Rio, Mr. Money in the Bank...

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, my goodness.

...with a referee in tow!

Timing is everything!

Del Rio! Del Rio with the Money in the Bank contract! He's cashing it in!

[the bell rings] Alberto Del Rio cashing in his Money in the Bank contract!

CM Punk...

I don't believe this.

...taken out by Nash! [Del Rio kicks Punk in the head] Del Rio, kick to the back of the head! The cover! [The ref counts to three] Oh, my lord! Del Rio's Champion! Del Rio's Champion!

The winner of this match and NEW WWE Champion: Alberto Del Rio!

[as Del Rio celebrates, being handed the title] This is absolutely unbelievable! What a turn of events!

Pandemomium at SummerSlam!

What this is, guys, this is destiny tonight for Alberto Del Rio!

But what was Kevin Nash doing here?!

Triple H trying to figure out...trying to make sense of everything that has happened here.

As we are. This is total chaos. I think that Alberto Del Rio is now the undisputed WWE Champion.

He is! He is!

Did you say "think"? Alberto Del Rio is the new WWE Champion here tonight at SummerSlam! He cashed it in!

Triple H has no idea what's happened. Del Rio cashed in his Money in the Bank contract...

But he did it after CM Punk was laid out by Kevin Nash, who had...what the hell was he doing here?! Well, there's our undisputed Champion, Alberto Del Rio! What just happened?!