ValaOh, I had a baby! You know, I never thought I'd agree with my father, but now I'm starting to remember about how he used to go about how you nurture them and then you raise them and you teach them that best that you can and then all they do is break your heart. I always assumed that his experience was tainted by me.
What are you talking about?
Vala
Well, she started off all sweet and innocent but now she's hellbent on domination of the galaxy.
Vala
A few hours. [Dr. Jackson gives her a confused look.] The Ori used me to sneak one of their own across the border. This child is their way of cheating the ascended rulebook. They couldn't exactly cross over into our galaxy without getting into a confrontation with the Ancients, right? So they created a human representative with their knowledge to lead their armies.
Sort of an uber-Prior, like the Doci?
Vala
Oh, but she's MUCH worse than that. The Priors are just pawns, but she knows the score. She's complicit with the Ori; you should have heard the propaganda that she just tried to feed me.
Wait, wait, wait a minute, we're talking about a baby here, right?
Vala
Oh. She's been genetically altered. She'll be a fully-grown figurehead in a day or so. If she takes after her mother, she'll have a pretty good figure too.
Vala
You're telling me! Origin is about to become a lot more appealing to the males of this galaxy.
Do you have any idea where we're going?
Vala
No, that she wouldn't tell me. She knows I'm not on her side; she's just hoping I'll see the light. But part of her can't help but feel tied to me. She wanted me to give her a name.
Vala
Adria. Told her it was my mother's.
Vala
Stepmother. Witch of a woman.
You know the more I get to know you, the more I'm starting to understand.
Vala
Huh?
HDr. Hutchison
So, how are you feeling?
Vala
[eagerly] Very well! Very well…well, you know, all things considered. Heh. I mean, you'd assume I'd be a prime candidate for acculturation difficulty, enduring feelings of…displacement and alienation. Perhaps even a little paranoid ideation. Hmm? But the truth is, I was able to adopt an abstract attitude which allowed me to…release some of my repressed feelings, ultimately providing me with a cathartic actualization. How are you feeling?
[General Landry has just informed Vala that she has been accepted at the SGC]
Vala
I-I'm a little… overwhelmed. Heh. But, as my first… official act, I'd like to report a rather disagreeable little man.
[entering, smugly] That would be me.
Mr. Woolsey's offer was part of the test. We wanted to make sure we could trust you.
Vala
[recovering from surprise] I knew that. But were his sexual advances part of the test?
[horrified] What?! That's..ah…General, I-I can assure you…
Vala
Well, I would've even considered playing along, but some of his requests were…well, a little…unusual, even for me.
[General Landry walks off, while SG-1 tries not to laugh]
General, I would never…General!
Vala
See, I still think it's cause for celebration. So I say we go out, have lunch, and I'll pay.
Vala
Well, Daniel will cover me until I get my share of the loot.
Vala
Yeah, from all the treasures we're going to bring back from our off-world travels. What, I have to wait until I'm off probation before I start collecting?
Well, you've got to open big, catch people's attention, make them think the whole thing is going to be jam-packed.
Vala
Ooh, I love jam.
[Mitchell, Jackson and Carter look at her]
Vala
Oh, I get it. It's yet another playful twist on words in your "earth" language.
[SG-1 disputes the plausibility that they could make it to a 'gate through an army of Jaffa with Replicators behind them in ten seconds.]
Vala
They.
Fine, they, they, they. How did they escape?
Even if the valley wasn't filled with Jaffa, we couldn't never have made it to the Gate and dialed out in under...10 seconds.
Good. See, that's why we're here! So, what do you think, 30 seconds? Ma-maybe not such a round number. How about...38!
[In reference to the fact that the Stargate can only stay open for 38 minutes.]
Vala
Okay, how 'bout this: We're in a cloaked cargoship on a simple 3 hour reconnaissance mission...
Gilligan's Island, right?
Vala
You got that from 3 hour reconnaissance mission?
Here's a advice: if you're gonna rip something off, pick something a bit more obscure.
I'm pretty sure I have read all the reports recently.
Actually you haven't read 30185.
What do you mean you can't tell me? I have the highest security clearance known to mankind! What–what is 30185?
We were sworn to secrecy.
Well, why even mention it to me if you're not going to tell me what it is?
Vala
Can you tell me?
Oh yeah, we can tell you.
Well, it has to do with the time that the gate sent us back to 1969.
Well, that can't have anything to do with me, I wasn't born 'til a year later.
Actually, it was nine months before he was born.
You have to remember, it was the Sixties...
C'mon, you have to have known that Jack's always taken an interest in your life.
Remember when you were chosen for the 302 program even though you didn't think you should get in? How about when you were chosen for SG-1?
Vala
[laughing] Wait. Are you saying that Jack O'Neill is...
All starting to make sense now, isn't it?
Awww, I'm being Punk'd, aren't I?
I'm talking about ...a twist; something nobody's expecting!
GOGen. O'Neill
[walks in the door] You mean something like this?
Vala
Wow, I don't think anybody will see that coming.
Nope, there'll be spoilers.
Are you kidding? It'll be in the commercial.
[Carter was correct; the scene in which O'Neill appears was part of the commercial for "200"]
[Dakara has just been destroyed by Adria, Bra'tac wishes he could have done more to keep this from happening]
Vala Mal Doran
There's no point in second guessing yourself. You can't remake the past. So look ahead, or risk being left behind.
She holds the wisdom of a seasoned warrior.
She's a mother, that's close enough.
Stargate SG-1 · 1,358 quotes
