Vala Mal Doran quotes from Stargate SG-1

You know what I think the problem is?

Vala

That I can’t strangle you?

Vala

Life Support seems to be failing... can you take this [the helm] for a minute?

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Great, now that you fixed that how ’bout looking at the inertial dampeners?

Vala

I didn’t fix anything, I just disconnected that annoying alarm.

Vala

Our only chance is to take this ship back.

Lt. Col. Carter

Well, I have an idea about that, but it’s pretty risky.

Vala

Well, it’s probably better than our plan.

Lt. Col. Carter

Well, what’s your plan?

Dr. Jackson

We don't have one.

Lt. Col. Carter

Ah.

Dr. Jackson

Uh, where is she?

Vala

Well, I couldn’t be sure, so I just beamed out the only other lifesign in the room instead.

Dr. Jackson

Okay. Where is he?

Dr. Jackson

[following Vala’s gaze] Well, Sam did say it was risky.

Dr. Jackson

Yeah, we swept the ship twice. Rounded up fourteen men in total, but not Solek. Vala had to beam him out of the hold where the crew was being held, so we have no way of knowing for sure where he ended up.

Vala

Did you check the sewage reservoir?

Dr. Jackson

Yeah, no lifesigns. Ew.

Lt. Col. Carter

How'd you do that?

Vala

Honestly, I don’t know, that almost never normally works.

Dr. Jackson

I'm sorry, aren't you the one who knows the dragon's secret name? It's time to earn your keep.

Ba'al

Ah, yes. I may have exaggerated about that, slightly. Anyway, you didn't think that just by calling out its name, you'd suddenly be able to control it?

Dr. Jackson

I don't know. Name magic is common in most mythologies. To know something's secret name is to steal its power.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

So what are we supposed to do, start guessing?

Vala

Darrel, the dragon.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

How about Smokey?

Teal'c

Perhaps Puff?

Dr. Jackson

[annoyed]: Will you just give me a minute?

Vala

[regarding Daniel] Hey, you have to tell him that he doesn’t have to do this. He’ll listen to you.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

What team have you been on?

Are you saying this Prior’s claims are false?

Lt. Col. Mitchell

We’re saying that book’s got about as much truth in it as The Da Vinci Code.

Vala

[conspiratorially] Hey, that’s what they want you to think.

So... What the hell is going on?

Vala

This and that. You know, the usual. [excitedly] You'll never believe what's happening on One Life to Live!

You know, I really hate to press the issue here, but I do have a deadline.

Vala

Oooh, so do we.

Oh yes I know, before I figure out how to overcome the effects of the anti-Prior device, oooooh. I thought Teal'c believed me!

Vala

Oh, he does.

Jack?

Vala

No, he's on your side too. That... little weasel man, who somehow represents your government...

...Woolsey?

Vala

I-I can't be certain, but... I think he might not like you...

He wants to have me killed, doesn't he?

Vala

Well... I'm not sure how serious he is, he seems quite the prankster to me.

Vala

... Not to worry. If it comes down to it, [leaving]I have a plan.

Oh, you have a plan... Great. What is it?

Vala

Well... when I said that I had a plan, I meant that I have to plan... the plan. So when, o-or rather, if it comes down to it, I will have a plan. I've, uh, cleared my whole afternoon... for planning.

Vala

[assembling the weapon] Okay, I think that's about it.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Hang on. What's this?

Vala

[dismissively] Oh, I'm not sure about that one.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

See! There is always a widget left over.

Vala

I thought you were always one short?

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Well you'd think both was impossible, but it's not.

Vala

Right... Actually, I'm pretty sure that's the timing crystal that sets the detonation of the weapon five minutes after it's inserted.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Right. Hold on that. [into radio] Carter, status?

Lt. Col. Carter

[into radio] Vala, Cam, we're moments from exiting hyperspace.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Roger that. We're almost done here...Check that, uh, Vala's almost done. I still have my doubts.

Now, I can’t remember, did you go to GW?

Vala

Oh, I didn’t attend school. As much as I was sold as a domestic servant to a weapons smuggler named Firenze. After I killed him and won my freedom, I considered my education more or less complete.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

How many times have you been married, anyway?

Vala

Legally? Hmmm, well, it’s hard to keep track. Let’s see. The first one was a part of a band of traveling entertainers. He was a good cook, too. Couldn’t make pie though.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

You know, forget it. Forget I asked.

Dr. Jackson

We're stuck.

Vala

No we're not!

Vala

Well, when we fail to make the scheduled check-in, General Landry will dial in, at which point we'll ask him to send a naquadah generator and a laptop with a dialing program and that's that!

Dr. Jackson

We knew that! I-I-I thought that when I said that we're stuck, that you would know that I meant "until then."

Vala

Well, then you should say what you mean.

Dr. Jackson

I don't think you want me to start doing that.

Vala

I don't think you want to start thinking what I think.

Dr. Jackson

[checking his watch] So, therefore, next check-in is in just under six hours.

Vala

Good. Muscles, that means that we have time to go to the party.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

No, it does not! It means we stay here out of sight and remain as inconspicuous as possible. With a bit of luck, the people on this planet will never even know we were here.

Sylvana

[pushing him away for a moment] Don't. tell Hesellven, she is like a sister to me.

Never.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Hi. There's nothing to be alarmed about. We um—

Vala

How come they get to go?