Jack O'Neill quotes from Stargate SG-1

Daniel Jackson

I just hope we don't regret giving them those Gate addresses.

Col. O'Neill

I don't think we will, the first one being a black hole and all. They get progressively darker after that.

Col. O'Neill

How'd you find me?

Maybourne

Played a lot of hide and seek as a kid. Funny, I could always find anyone anywhere but they could never find me.

Col. O'Neill

Because they didn't want to.

Maybourne

Gonna turn me in?

Col. O'Neill

Actually, that overwhelming desire to shoot you has come back.

I'm just a crazy old guy with a shopping cart full of cans.

Col. O'Neill

I'm just a cynical Air Force guy with a closet full of National Geographic.

Can I have them?

Maj. Carter

I don't know what happened, sir, we lost him. I mean, one minute he was here, the next minute he was gone.

Col. O'Neill

Yeah, they have a habit of doing that.

Col. O'Neill

[ominously] Have fun, Daniel.

Daniel Jackson

Yeah, you did tell them to take me prisoner this time and not shoot me, right? Right? [no answer] Hello?

Col. O'Neill

You hesitated Lieutenant.

Elliot

I was assessing the situation, sir.

Col. O'Neill

Okay, we all ended up dead. Assess that.

Elliot

I stopped to argue with Grogan and lost control of the situation.

Col. O'Neill

And that wasn't even your first mistake. (Jack points at Satterfield) What's your excuse?

I didn't believe Dr Jackson was a Goa'uld.

Maj. Carter

Why not, Satterfield?

I don't know, ma'am. That was just my instinct.

She thinks he's cute.

Col. O'Neill

Okay, so one of your team members distracted you into getting shot by the enemy and you want to poke holes in the training scenario?

Elliot

It wasn't a fair test.

Col. O'Neill

There's such a thing as over-thinking a situation, Lieutenant. When you're dealing with what we deal with, you've got to think on your feet and think fast. These and other cliches will be available to you all for one more day of training with me. After that, you'll either be assigned to an SG team or not. Dismissed.

Maj. Carter

Grogan. He'll make a fine addition to an SG team one day.

Col. O'Neill

He'll make a fine target. He's good at getting shot.

Maj. Carter

(laughs) Okay, Satterfield's bright.

Col. O'Neill

I give her high marks for her... high marks. I'd never go into combat with her.

Maj. Carter

Then there's Haley...

Col. O'Neill

Oh yeah. Four foot nine fightin' machine.

Maj. Carter

(laughs) Colonel...

Col. O'Neill

All right. Fine. They're the future of the Air Force, the program, the entire planet. God help us.

Maj. Carter

Try to remember when you were in their shoes.

Col. O'Neill

I wore boots.

Maj. Carter

Think back to when you were their age.

Col. O'Neill

I was never their age.

Maj. Carter

They didn't take corridor C19 like you told them to.

Col. O'Neill

Crafty little buggers.

We kicked ass!

Col. O'Neill

You got yourself shot again Grogan, don't be so cocky.

Col. Maybourne

Hi, Jack.

Col. O'Neill

You rat bastard!

Col. Maybourne

Hey, hey, hey... take it easy...

Col. O'Neill

I am so gonna kick your ass!

Col. Maybourne

There's people watching!

Col. O'Neill

I don't care!

Col. Maybourne

It wasn't me! I didn't shoot ya Jack!

Col. O'Neill

Then who did?!

Col. Maybourne

I don't know.

Col. O'Neill

What do you know?!

Col. Maybourne

Only what I read in the NID file, that you were shot and the Goa'uld escaped.

Col. O'Neill

You came all the way back to Colorado Springs to tell me ya didn't do it?

Col. Maybourne

I didn't think you'd believe me any other way.

Col. Maybourne

I'll be in town for a couple of days. I'd like to see how things turn out. I'm at the Accent Inn checked in under the name Cassidy.

Col. O'Neill

David or Shaun?

Col. Maybourne

Butch.

Col. O'Neill

What makes you think I care if you live or die?

What about the host?

Col. O'Neill

He tried to kill a friend of mine to save his own ass so I don't much care about him either.

If you kill me, Teal'c dies.

Col. O'Neill

Give me another choice.

Let me go. Once I am free, I will contact you with the information.

Col. O'Neill

I think Teal'c would rather I shoot you.

Maj. Carter

You're talking about taking out the entire Goa'uld leadership?

(in a female voice) We are.

Col. O'Neill

Welcome to the Dark Side.