Jack O'Neill quotes from Stargate SG-1

Listen, for what it's worth, I'm sorry about what's happened here.

Oh I'm sure that makes him feel better.

Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing?

Same thing you do. Only better.

What does that mean?

Better? It means bet-ter, stronger, faster.

You're not me and you don't work for the Air Force.

No. But that doesn't mean I can't do the job.

What job?

Explore the universe. Fight the Goa'uld.

Oh what, like now?

Oh you made this mess.

What we did was help these people.

Oh come on, I know you better than that. You screwed up and now you're embarrassed.

... well that's not the point.

And like I'm gonna spend my eternity on that lame ass planet? Sheesh!

You gave me your word!

Oh! Is this the first time you've lied to yourself? I told you what you wanted to hear. Besides, what were you gonna do? Destroy me?

I might have!

Alright! Come on bring it on flyboy! Let's go! Come on!

Oh you little... [Jack O'Neill and Clone O'Neill begin to fight/wrestle]

Maj. Carter

Sirs! [They stop fighting and look up] As much as I would like to see how this plays out, don't we have something more important to do?

We're not done pal.

I so own you.

Tanith

I must say, Colonel, I was most intrigued by your means of arrival.

Col. O'Neill

Yeah, it's a sweet ride. A little rusty, but it's still got zip.

Tanith

How exactly did a Goa'uld mothership come into your possession?

Col. O'Neill

Well, it was kind of a trade deal.

Tanith

How so?

Col. O'Neill

Cronus gave us his ship... and he got what was coming to him.

Jacob

Take that to the secondary cargo hold. We need to make room for the Stargate.

Col. O'Neill

Hey! Don't scuff the walls.

Col. O'Neill

I want the ship back the way we found it.

Jacob

We know, Jack. I still don't think it's necessary for you to be here.

Col. O'Neill

Sorry. Not lettin' her out of my sight.

Jacob

My mission is to oversee the relocation of the Tok'ra base. What's yours again?

Col. O'Neill

Protect Earth's big, fat asset. We've got 1 ,000 engineers and scientists just droolin' to go through this thing.

Jacob

You really think that's wise?

Col. O'Neill

Don't start with me, Jake.

Jacob

Remember when you tried to retrofit a death glider?

Col. O'Neill

Yes, I have that memory.

Jacob

This is vastly more complicated.

Col. O'Neill

Which is exactly why we're "loaning" it to you in exchange for flying lessons.

Jacob

You know what I mean. Leave the ship with us.

Col. O'Neill

Not a chance.

Jacob

You have no idea how dangerous this thing is.

Col. O'Neill

Hey! We were smart enough to steal it in the first place, which is more than the Tok'ra could do.

This is the sun Vorash is orbiting.

Jacob

We want to blow it up.

Col. O'Neill

Wow...

Dr. Jackson

That's uh...

Ambitious.

Col. O'Neill

Something wrong?

Maj. Carter

No. I've just never blown up a star before.

Col. O'Neill

Well, they say the first one's always the hardest.

Teal'c

The propulsion system and communication array have been damaged beyond repair.

Col. O'Neill

Ah that's good because according to my calculations we are roughly in the middle of…nowhere. Give or take.

Col. O'Neill

Excuse me. I distinctly remember someone saying we're not going to make it. I think we made it.

Jacob

I'm sorry, I overreacted. At the time, it looked very much like we weren't going to make it.

Col. O'Neill

Yes, well, maybe next time you'll just wait and see.

Jacob

And blow the last chance I might ever have to be right?

Col. O'Neill

What?

[grinning] Welcome to my life.

Daniel Jackson

Teal'c, you don't really believe you're still First Prime of Apophis.

Teal'c

I have never ceased to be in the service of my god.

Col. O'Neill

All right, that's sounding a little brainwashy. You don't believe that guy's a god any more than I do.

Col. O'Neill

What's that supposed to mean?

Col. O'Neill

Come on, Teal'c. A part of you has to know the truth.

Teal'c

The truth is you are a prisoner of Apophis. When the symbiote I carry matures, you will become its host.

Col. O'Neill

Okay, I meant the other truth.

Please explain to me what it is you hope to achieve by depriving Teal'c of his symbiote?

Bra'tac

I hope to save him.

Dr. Jackson

By killing him?

Bra'tac

If necessary.

Col. O'Neill

See, I think we disagree on the meaning of the word "save".

Bra'tac

And where is your false god now, Teal'c?

Teal'c

He will come.

Col. O'Neill

I don't think so buddy. I know we've been over this a few times, but in case you weren't listening, I am one hundred percent s-sure...

Col. O'Neill

Ninety nine percent sure Apophis is dead.

Teal'c

Va'lar!

Col. O'Neill

"Va'lar?" Is that what he said?

Daniel Jackson

I thought he said "velour."

Col. O'Neill

"Velour?"

Daniel Jackson

"Velour."

Col. O'Neill

The fabric?

Daniel Jackson

That's what I heard him say.

Col. O'Neill

Why would he say that?

Daniel Jackson

I don't know. Why would he say "Va'lar"?

Teal'c

He failed his god!

Col. O'Neill

His god? You mean that scumsuckin', overdressed, boombox-voice snake-in-the-head? Latest on our long list of dead bad guys?

Dr. Fraiser

Colonel, his heart rate just doubled.

Teal'c

Fool!

Col. O'Neill

[to Daniel] That I understood.