Jack O'Neill quotes from Stargate SG-1

Teal'c

Do not test my temper, woman!

Daniel Jackson

[startled] Woman? Did he just call me a woman?

Col. O'Neill

Yes, I believe he did.

Maj. Carter

So, is it working? Has he said anything?

Col. O'Neill

Talked about fabric, briefly.

Daniel Jackson

He just called me a woman.

Col. O'Neill

So I think it's working.

Col. O'Neill

How long?

Dr. Jackson

Uh, well days, weeks, months, maybe…of meticulous, tedious... boring tediousness.

Daniel Jackson

But uh, I can just keep working now. By lunch at least.

Maj. Carter

Tense? Me? I'm not tense. Am I? [pause, then, with a worried look, sotto voce] When did you first notice?

Col. O'Neill

[pointedly] As we met.

Maj. Carter

I've always just thought of myself as being very ... [Makes a quoting motion] focused.

Col. O'Neill

It's called working too hard ... you're gonna crash and burn.

Maj. Carter

[Thinks] I really don't have that much more to do ... Sir.

Col. O'Neill

Well, find something. Take up ... golf. [Walking away] Fly a kite ... knit something.

Maj. Carter

[Slightly pissed expression] I...I'm...fine!...Really!

Col. O'Neill

Uh ...[Turns] I could hang out for a while?

Maj. Carter

[smiles] So far he's only shown himself to me.

Col. O'Neill

Maybe he's shy.

Maj. Carter

[Smiling and nodding] Please don't say "Take it easy."

Col. O'Neill

[Goes to leave] Take care? [Maj. Carter smiles]

Col. O'Neill

We brought dinner and a movie.

Teal'c

[holding up a video tape, enthusiastically] Star Wars!

Col. O'Neill

Teal'c's seen it what, eight times?

Teal'c

Nine.

Col. O'Neill

Nine times. If Teal'c likes it, it's gotta be OK.

Maj. Carter

You've never seen Star Wars?

Col. O'Neill

Well, you know me and sci-fi...

Teal'c

I have read of a place where humans do battle in a ring of Jell-O.

Col. O'Neill

[Tossing Teal'c his cell phone] Call Daniel.

Teal'c

Do you believe Major Carter has become mentally unstable?

Col. O'Neill

No more than the rest of us.

Col. O'Neill

Hey, where's Tyler?

Daniel Jackson

You know, I would've asked him, but I was too busy being unconscious after he shot me with that zat you gave him, so…

Col. O'Neill

Well I wasn't going to let you die Lieutenant. It's like…a ton of paperwork.

[Confused] Paperwork?

Col. O'Neill

It's a joke. My way of deflecting attention from my own obvious heroism. You'll get used to it.

Why did you return for me? You could have escaped while I distracted them!

Col. O'Neill

Because we don't leave our people behind!

But I am not one of your people!

Col. O'Neill

Coulda fooled me... Actually, you did fool me.

Maj. Carter

Sir, I've been thinking.

Col. O'Neill

I'd be shocked if you ever stopped, Carter.

Col. O'Neill

Carter? What just happened? (She looks up at the sky, confused)

The Eye of Odin grows dim.

Maj. Carter

Some sort of shift in the light frequency.

Col. O'Neill

Good. I thought I was having a stroke.

Col. O'Neill

However, we do have a smaaall little problem that could use some of that Asgard magic.

Freyr

Are you implying that our technology is some kind of trickery?

Col. O'Neill

You're sure Thor's not around somewhere?

[referring to Carter's plan] I thought the odds of success in this scenario were one in a million, Major.

Maj. Carter

Yes, sir. But I now think that we can increase that estimate to one percent.

Col. O'Neill

It's your call, General. I only understand only one percent of what she says half the time.