Janet Fraiser quotes from Stargate SG-1

Capt. Carter

Yeah, my career is over.

Dr. Fraiser

Don't worry about it. I can fix him up as good as new when this thing is over.

Capt. Carter

Great. So he can bring me up on charges.

Dr. Fraiser

[inspecting Goa'uld slime] Maybe we'll at least get a cellular level analysis on the Goa'ulds, maybe we'll even find some DNA information.

Dr. Jackson

[uncomfortably] A lot of that will probably be mine.

Col. O'Neill

Ew.

Dr. Jackson

Yeah.

[To O'Neill] What happened, Colonel?

[To Hammond] My Lord?

Col. O'Neill

Actually, we just call him…General Hammond.

Where is Apophis?

Col. O'Neill

He's not here. Sorry.

What have we got?

Liars! Traitors!

Easy, easy!

You will be punished! He will avenge me!

[to Jack] Who is this, sir?

Col. O'Neill

His name is Rogers. Despite appearances, he's not SGC.

I'd like to debrief ASAP, Colonel.

Col. O'Neill

Yes, my Lord.

Col.?

Col. O'Neill

I'm sorry, doctor. I forgot who I am.

Doctor, you're asking me to allow a known homicidal maniac to work with potentially lethal substances?

Dr. Fraiser

Yes sir. But with all due respect, Daniel may be right. Ke'ra may be an entirely different person than Linea, without the memories that made her the person she was.

Col. O'Neill

Scuse me, amnesia check? Destroyer. Of. Worlds.

Are we absolutely sure that SG1 is—what's the word?

Sane?

That's the one.

Major?

Maj. Carter

Hi. I was just talking to Urgo, sir.

I see.

Maj. Carter

Oh, I wish you did.

[addressing the empty corridor behind Carter] Alright, Urgo, Major Carter would like to...

Maj. Carter

[gestures to her right] Doctor- He's over here, actually.

[addressing the empty space to Carter's right] Well then Urgo...Major Carter would very much like to be left alone.

Maj. Carter

As much as I appreciate it... please... Urgo, that is rude!

[with a shocked look] What did he say?

Col. O'Neill

Any idea what that was?

Maj. Carter

None, Sir. The secondary systems are up and running but that was one hell of an EM spike. I'd like to run a full systems diagnostic on the main computer.

Yeah, after I treat this hand.

Maj. Carter

As soon as I get the systems up…

It is a very bad burn, Sam.

Maj. Carter

Five minutes.

Now!

Col. O'Neill

Do as the Doctor says.

Maj. Carter

Yes, Sir.

Thank you Colonel. You, Daniel and Teal'c are next.

What? We're…I'm fine.

Yeah well I would like to be the judge of that. Some form of energy came through the Stargate. I think it's only prudent to make sure there are no physiological effects to those exposed. ASAP.

Col. O'Neill

Who put her in charge?

The US Air Force.

Teal'c

In medical matters, Dr. Fraiser may overrule those of any rank.

Col. O'Neill

I'm not getting all my memos.

Teal'c

He failed his god!

Col. O'Neill

His god? You mean that scumsuckin', overdressed, boombox-voice snake-in-the-head? Latest on our long list of dead bad guys?

Dr. Fraiser

Colonel, his heart rate just doubled.

Teal'c

Fool!

Col. O'Neill

[to Daniel] That I understood.

Cassandra

Dominic's waiting.

Dr. Fraiser

Fine! Invite him in. I'm sure he'd like to have a piece of birthday cake that Sam went to all the trouble to bake.

Maj. Carter

[softly] Buy.

Dr. Fraiser

Bring.

Hi. It's nice to finally meet you, Major.

Maj. Carter

You too. Dr. Michaels, this is Dr. Fraiser.

Doctor.

Dr. Fraiser

Doctor.

[also introducing] Uh…Drs. Woods and Osbourne.

Dr. Fraiser

Doctor.

Doctor.

Major.

Maj. Carter

Doctor.

Major.

Dr. Fraiser

Doctor.

Col. O'Neill

All right. That's enough.

Col. O'Neill

Listen. Could somebody bottom-line this for me?

Dr. Fraiser

Well, Sir, we could be looking at evidence that human beings evolved long before we thought they did.

And maybe not even originally on this planet.

Col. O'Neill

Darwin would be crushed.