Jack O'Neill quotes from Stargate SG-1

Col. O'Neill

So Teal'c, how does one Goa'uld fire weapons from several directions?

Teal'c

Tacs.

Col. O'Neill

Tac'nik'tels?

Teal'c

Tacuchnatagamuntorons.

Teal'c

Tacs.

Dr. Jackson

Barockna!

Col. O'Neill

Gesundheit.

Col. O'Neill

Who are you?

Aris Boch

Aris Boch. Perhaps you've heard of me.

Col. O'Neill

Umm.. not I... Teal'c?

Teal'c

I have not.

Aris Boch

Well that's disappointing. I'm one of the galaxy's greatest bounty hunters.

Col. O'Neill

Not ringing a bell, sorry.

Aris Boch

Well I know you. Captain Samantha Carter. Dr Daniel Jackson. The Jaffa traitor Teal'c. And Colonel Jack O'Neill.

Col. O'Neill

Well, fancy that. We're famous.

Aris Boch

Dr. Jackson is right. There is something you can do.

Col. O'Neill

Let's hear it.

Aris Boch

Well, you help me capture a Goa'uld, and I'll let you go.

Col. O'Neill

He's worth that much?

Aris Boch

Twice as much as all of you put together.

Col. O'Neill

Twice?

Dr. Jackson

Twice.

Aris Boch

What, you're gonna argue?

Teal'c

This path is well travelled.

Dr. Jackson

This means the Stargate is still in use by someone.

Col. O'Neill

[Lifting his pinky to his mouth, remiscient of Dr. Evil] Or something...

Col. O'Neill

Do you read the Bible, Teal'c?

Teal'c

It is a significant part of your Western culture. Have you not read the Bible, O'Neill?

Col. O'Neill

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Not all of it. Actually, I'm listening to it on tape. Don't tell me how it ends.

Dr. Jackson

It was a procedure often done in the Middle Ages. They…well, they'd drill a hole in the person's head. By drilling a hole the evil spirits are released, thus saving the person from eternal damnation.

Col. O'Neill

Thus…saving the person?

Dr. Jackson

Well, they didn't call them the Dark Ages because it was dark.

You are not of this world.

Col. O'Neill

No, no we're not. Unas? What does Sokar have on you that makes you so dang cranky?

Col. O'Neill

Look, we've run into this kind of thing before. Now, it's not a demon. It's demonesque I'll grant you, but it's just a big, ugly creature.

Dr. Jackson

(quietly, to O'Neill) : Who's inhabited by a Goa'uld that gives it great strength, intelligence and the ability to regenerate.

Col. O'Neill

Yes. It's a very smart, resilient creature.

Dr. Jackson

(quietly) : In the service of Sokar, who, for all intents and purposes, is Satan to these people.

Col. O'Neill

But it's not a demon.

Dr. Jackson

(to Simon) : No, it's not a demon.

You are all casualties until 1400 hours.

Col. O'Neill

Would that be Daylight Savings or Standard?

You came through the Stargate. This is a challenge!

Dr. Jackson

The Stargate?

Col. O'Neill

Oy.

[quietly, aside] The stargate, sir.

Stargate of course. We've been so long without challenges. [to Teal'c] I am sorry Master Jaffa. I have revealed myself. [he gives Teal'c his sidearm] You must execute me for the remainder of the day.

[hands his rifle to Jack] You must execute me as well.

Col. O'Neill

Master Teal'c. Might I suggest we...spare them this time?

Teal'c

Very well...underling.

We extracted high-level information from the prisoners. [slyly] Corn and cotton are indigenous to North America.

Col. O'Neill

And that information could save your life one day.

Col. O'Neill

Ol' Doc Frasier says you haven't been eating.

It's poison.

Col. O'Neill

It's hospital food, of course it is. [takes a bite of Rogers' sandwich, then speaks with his mouth full] Mmm, tuna…

Go to Sokar.

Col. O'Neill

It's "Go to hell" actually. Which, by the way, is a very rude thing to say to a person offering you a sandwich.

It means the same.

Col. O'Neill

You've got a point.

I will reveal nothing. You may begin torturing me.

Col. O'Neill

Oh, I've already begun. This…is the infamous Tuna Torture.

Maj. Carter

Teal'c, what about these?

Teal'c

They are intar.

Col. O'Neill

Short for?

Teal'c

Intar.

Teal'c

This is Colonel O'Neill. He is much loved by Apophis. [To O'Neill] You may address the warriors.

Col. O'Neill

Apophis wanted me to tell you that you've all been doing a wonderful job. Couldn't ask for more. Well done. But, he also wanted me to tell you the whole…invasion of the Tau'ri idea has been canceled due to…rain.