Oh, my Karen. Oh, my Karen.
Oh, my computer wife, Karen.
I was blinded, yes, I was blinded,
I was blinded by the light of your cathode ray.
Oh, I built you, yes, I built you,
I built you in the - ehhh... erm...
In the shape of a cube!
Oh, my Karen. Oh, my Karen.
You'll never know how much I love your vacuum tubes!
[Plankton hugs one of Karen's lightbulbs. Karen smiles, Plankton, SpongeBob, and Patrick bow, and the song ends]
Karen[sniffles] That was so beautiful.
Karen
I loved it! But not as much as I love you, Plankton.
I l... l... love you, too! [Bikini Bottom citizens, including SpongeBob, rush in and say "Aw."] So, can I have my present now?
Karen
Of course, my little overlord. Now loading the Krabby Patty Formula...
They're such a lovely couple. [sniffs before he suddenly gasps] The Krabby Patty Formula?!
Yes! You porous kitchen utensil! By helping me woo my computer wife, you've just doomed the Krusty Krab! [laughs evilly]
Oh no! I've got to stop it before it's too late.
Karen
45% Loaded.
[presses several buttons on a computer keyboard] Control, Alt, Delete.
Karen
55% Loaded.
[smashes against the computer keyboard] How do you turn this thing off?!
Get your hands off my wife!
Karen
65% Loaded.
[gasps] The plug. [Plankton gasps] Ha! You lose, Plankton.
[sarcastically] Oh no. You unplugged the coffee maker, SpongeBob.
Karen
Loading Krabby Patty Formula...
Karen
Oh, Plankton, you've made me so happy.
That's fantastic. Where's that formula?
Karen
[cries happily with tears of joy] I'm crying... What's going on? [starts to spark electric sparks]
Karen, what's wrong? Have you sprung a leak?
Karen
No. I'm just so happy! I'm crying with tears of joy!
Karen
I'm just--. The Krabby... Patty... Formula... loading... completed...!
[The text on the screen blurs and the word "ERROR" appears on the screen]
YES! I'm saved! Your wife exploded! [puts up his arms with victory; Plankton makes a serious face] Um... happy anniversary, you guys. [scratches his head, shrugs, and leaves]
CVComputer Voice
Rebooting... Loading E.M.I.L.P.
E.M.I.L.P.? What's E.M.I.L.P.?!
CVComputer Voice
Emergency Mother In-Law Program.
[Karen's screen displays an angry-faced mother in law wearing glasses]
EME.M.I.L.P.
Plankton, what have you done to my daughter?! You made her cry! [Plankton groans] You know, she could have been with an ATM! Someone with money! But she chose you! I don't know why!
[as it is still panning in] It's a conspiracy, I tell you! A thousand and three times I've almost had that recipe, and a thousand and three times I've been launched by that Krabs! He celebrates eleventy-seven years of success, I'm left with four score and forty fortnights of failure! I give up, Karen. Krabs has won!
Karen
Well, you'll never get the formula with that attitude. Maybe a thousand and four will be your lucky number.
Oh, yeah? You try getting launched.
Karen
Oh, right, the launchings. [her face is replaced by a loading bar and the word "accessing" above it] I've got them all on my hard drive.
[The scene shows, on Karen's monitor, Mr. Krabs in a baseball uniform, exiting the Krusty Krab. The scene shifts to show just the scene. Mr. Krabs pushes Plankton into the air. Mr. Krabs does this with a glove that he is wearing. Mr. Krabs spits and then throws Plankton. Plankton hits the Chum Bucket. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs' claw putting down a golf tee. He puts Plankton on the tee. He is then shown in a golf outfit, holding a golf club. He then prepares to hit Plankton]
FKFlashback Mr. Krabs
Fore! [hits Plankton, who hits the Chum Bucket]
[The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs riding on a seahorse, wearing a polo uniform, and holding a polo stick. Plankton is shown running. away from the polo stick. Mr. Krabs hits Plankton. Plankton screams and hits the Chum Bucket. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs holding a slingshot with Plankton on it. Mr. Krabs is holding the slingshot back. Mr. Krabs releases the slingshot. Plankton screams and hits the Chum Bucket. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs in a hockey uniform holding a hockey stick. He is pushing Plankton on some ice that is outside of the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs hits Plankton. Plankton screams and hits the Chum Bucket. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs with a curling stone that has Plankton on it. Mr. Krabs pushes the curling stone on the ice. SpongeBob takes a broom and sweeps and walks backwards until he reaches the Chum Bucket. Plankton screams until he hits the Chum Bucket doors. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob in football uniforms. SpongeBob is holding Plankton horizontally in front of Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs runs up and kicks Plankton. Plankton screams and hits the Chum Bucket. There is a goal post painted on the Chum Bucket. SpongeBob pops and puts both his arms horizontally in the air, signally that Mr. Krabs got the point. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs holding Plankton, walking outside the Krusty Krab]
FKFlashback Mr. Krabs
I'm tired today, Plankton. [drops Plankton] You're just gonna have to launch yourself. [walks back inside]
FPFlaskback Plankton
[tears up. He walks to the Chum Bucket and hits his head on the door] Splat. [begins to cry]
[Karen's laughing is heard. The scene pans out to show the scene on Karen's monitor. The scene shifts to not-recording Plankton]
[The footage is removed and replaced with Karen]
Karen
I'm sorry. That last part always makes me laugh.
[jumps off his desk] It's just no use!
Karen
Today's the perfect day to steal the recipe. Krabs will be completely distracted by all the festivities. You can do this.
Karen
Of course, I do. Now who's my big man?
Karen
Come on. Come on. Who's my big strong man?
Karen
That's right. Now get out there and steal that recipe.
[saluting Karen] Yes, Ma'am!
[Mr. Krabs turns on Karen's monitor. Then Karen's screen shows Loading]
She's loading up. Now let's see how this dial up thingy works. [places the telephone receiver on top of Karen and her screen shows an hourglass turning.] This thing does text mails right?
[Karen's screen shows the words Karen Classic with her picture on it]
Oh, that sounds promising.
[Karen starts crying on her screen and scaring Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob]
Are computers supposed to emote!? No need to cry, little lady.
Karen
Don't tell me not to cry! [continues crying and scaring Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob again.]
Must be the dial-up thingy!
You're right, must be interfering with her circuitry! [grabs the telephone and throws it against the wall destroying it in the process]
Karen
Oh, it's not the dial-up thingy. It's Plankton, he dumped me for a newer piece of hardware. [continues crying]
Help me out here, buddy. [pushes SpongeBob next to Karen]
Hey, there. Dry those computer tears. I'm sure you two will get back together. Plankton just need some time to realize how much he needs you. I mean, you guys were made for each other. Well, you were made more for him and more specifically by him, and now, he's built someone with more modern features who's better in every way. There's no- what was my point again?
Karen
[sobs] You men are all alike! [hops off Mr. Krabs' desk and onto her mobile body. She hops out of the box and then rolls out of the office.]
Wait! Where ya goin’? Smooth, SpongeBob, real smooth.
[It was night time at Le Chm Bucket with a huge line. Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob enters the restaurant disguised as rich noblemen in tuxedos]
Oohh! Just act like another fancy customer.
Aye, aye, Mr. Krabs! [Mr. Krabs covers SpongeBob mouth]
Shh! [stammering] What's gotten into you? Highfalutin customers don't bark at the top of their lungs like a seadog.
Oops, uh... I mean, I fancy a bit of the old chum. Indeed I do, Squire.
Good evening, Madam. Table for two, please?
Karen
Your name?
I be Eugene....er.... I mean, uh, [looks at the used ketchup wrapper on the floor] Sir Krumple O'Wrapper. Uh, that's me name. Don't wear it out.
Karen
Alright, let's pull up your reservation. [looks through the reservation sheet] Oh, I'm so sorry, sir. I'm not showing any "O'Wrapper."
Reservation? In this sinkhole?!
Karen
There's a two-year wait for a table.
[walks over to Karen; annoyed] What's seems to be the problem? [much to his surprise, he notices Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob on their mustache disguises and doesn't buy it] Well, well, well, [blows Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob's disguises off their faces with a fan] if it isn't Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob. Now just follow me. I believe I have a table reserved just for you. [the 'table' that Squidward 'reserved' for Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob turns out to be a toilet. It turns out that Squidward just wanted to get his revenge on Mr. Krabs for not valuing him and SpongeBob for all those times he annoyed him. Squidward puts a tablecloth on the toilet] Bon Appetit, Suckers! [laughs at them as he walks away. Soon, everyone joins in the humiliation by laughing at Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob as they leave the restaurant in sadness and humiliation] See you in two years! [laughs and scoffs at them]
Yeah, see how you like it, Krabs! [laughs along with Squidward as Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob leave]
[At the Chum Bucket, Plankton is working on The Analyzer]
Karen
Oh, Planky-bear? Plankton? [Plankton ignores her] Plankton!
What? What is it, Karen? Can't you see I'm working there! [points right close to the electronic components of The Analyzer]
Karen
Yes, but I wanted you to show you my new screensaver. [Shows a screensaver full of flying cake mixers] What do you think?
[sarcastically, not looking at her, and still building electrical components] Great.
Karen
[rolls towards Plankton] You didn't even look.
Ehh... [looks at Karen] No, I didn't! Can't you see I'm working on my new molecular analyzer? [The Analyzer starts picturing whatever Plankton says] Now all I need is the smallest molecule of a patty and the formula will be mine!
Karen
Just tell me if I should permanently upload the screensaver!
I said not now– [accidentally switches The Analyzer on and he gets sucked up by The Analyzer's tube] Oww-oww! [gets processed into the various machines. He gets smashed by a boot and flipped, dragged over by a robot hand to be wringed out by two other robotic hands. Liquid Plankton goes into another machine to be zapped and processed into binary dump. Plankton makes drowning noises as he is being processed into binary dump]
AThe Analyzer
Analyzing... 30% mean guy, 20% spiteful monster, 50% evil butt-head. Sample is... 100% big jerk. [pushes out Plankton, who is now back in his normal form] I have also analyzed your screensaver, Karen. It is most beautiful! [Rainbow appears on his screen]
No one asked you! [smashes the Analyzer with a wrench] Are you happy now, Karen?
Karen
No, I'm not. I was just trying to make myself pretty for you, but do you even care? All you ever do is make stupid schemes about stupid sandwiches!
Stupid? Your new screensaver is stupid and it makes your processor look fat!
Karen
[her screen becomes fire] What?????
Oops! Okay, let's all calm down before you say something you'll regret.
Karen
You know what? No one talks to me like that. Get out!
I will not get out! This is my restaurant, and no one can make me leave! [gets kicked out]
[picks up the patty with SpongeBob] Ah-ha! You're getting sloppy, Plankton. Squidward almost squashed ya. [laughs] Back to the bucket with ya! [opens the door]
No! No, Mr. Krabs! It's me! [gets kicked out and sent flying to the doors of the Chum Bucket] Whoa-ho! [lands safely on the floor]
[Karen scans SpongeBob]
Ooh! [giggles] That tickles.
Karen
Well, SpongeBob SquarePants, it looks like you lost a little weight.
Oh, hi, Karen. Where's Plankton?
Karen
You landed on him.
[SpongeBob looks down and sees that he is sitting directly on Plankton]
SpongeBob? Why are you so small? Is this a trick?
Karen
Calm down. He's clean. I frisked him.
I didn't mean to get small like you, Plankton. It was a freak accident.
Huh? Who are you calling a freak?! Wait a second. [giggles and takes out a tape measure] Hold this. [measures SpongeBob while he holds the tape; gasps] You're not small like me, Shorty! I am a towering half-a-millimeter taller than you! [laughs evilly] I win! [laughs evilly]
Hooray! [lets go of the tape and Plankton gets himself tangled in it] I'll get that.
Don't touch that! [gets sliced up by the tape]
[falls into pieces] Get him outta here, Karen!
Karen
Way ahead of ya, Chief. [flicks SpongeBob out of the Chum Bucket and sends him flying into the windows of the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob slides down the window just as a purple kid comes by]
[A bus pulls over at the Krusty Krab, now the Krusty Plankton. Lily Plankton comes out and meets up with Plankton and Karen.]
Hi, Grandma. Happy birthday.
Karen
Nice to see you again, Grandma Plankton.
LPLily Plankton
[lifts her glasses] Ugh. Who invited C-Pee-Eww? [laughs]
Karen
[feels rejected] All right, I tried. [she leaves angrily, running Plankton over]
Owuh! [unsticks his squished body from the road] Let me help you with your bag, Grandma. [gets smacked in the face by Lily's purse] Ouch! [escorts his grandmother into the restaurant] Well, here we are, Grandma. Welcome to the Krusty Plankton. I named it after you.
LPLily Plankton
[pinches Plankton's cheek] Oh, well, aren't you a sweet grandson? [sees SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs] Who are they?
They're just my employees, Grandma. Meet SpongeBob and Eugene.
SKSpongeBob and Mr. Krabs
Hello, Grandma Plankton.
LPLily Plankton
They look like very nice boys, and I'll bet they're even nicer when they're working.
You heard Grandma! We ain't running a welcome wagon here! Get back to work!
[SpongeBob runs back and forth until he jumps back into the kitchen.]
[chuckles] Yeah, sure thing, Plankton. [laughs until Plankton pushes a bucket of cleaning supplies onto Mr. Krabs, making him fall flat on his face on the floor]
[pokes Mr. Krabs' eye] That's Mr. Plankton to you, busboy.
[Mr. Krabs is bathing in a tub of money in the restaurant. SpongeBob and Sandy enter the restaurant and sulk over to Mr. Krabs]
Oh, Mr. Krabs! [Mr. Krabs gasps and hides in the tub] I got all the secret ingredients on your list, but Plankton stole them all! I made the apocalypse! [cries a fountain of tears and spray them all over the restaurant, which hits Mr. Krabs]
[Sandy gets drenched on by the tears and activates the windshield wipers on her helmet]
[plugs SpongeBob's mouth with a cork] Now, now, son. You didn't make the apocalypse. I couldn't afford to have Plankton following me while I was getting the real ingredients at the Barg'N-Mart, could I? [pushes the button on the table Fred is eating on and it flips over showing a shopping cart containing the real Krabby Patty ingredients]
So, my list was a fake? So, no apocalypse?
I saved the world! [laughs and dances around the restaurant while Sandy glares angrily at Mr. Krabs] No apocalypse! No apocalypse! No apocalypse! No apocalypse!
[rolls up her sleeves] You mean you sent my best friend on a dangerous wild goose chase just so you could go shopping?! [backs Mr. Krabs into his office] Excuse us, SpongeBob. [closes the door while wearing her karate glove] This is for my tail!
Hi-yah! [karate chops Mr. Krabs really hard. Mr. Krabs ends up crashing into the door, buttocks first] This is for almost getting us killed!
Hi-yah! [karate chops Mr. Krabs really hard again. This time, head first at the door, and comes out with a bag of money as compensation for Sandy's submarine] And this is for my submarine, Matilda! [Mr. Krabs comes out and is completely beaten up. She kicks the plank Mr. Krabs is standing on] Hi-yah! Hi-yah! [karate chops Mr. Krabs and sends him flying through the roof]
Well, I guess I had that coming.
[Meanwhile, at the Chum Bucket, Plankton is fixing up a batch of Krabby Patties with the fake ingredients]
Can you believe it, Karen? After all these years, the secret ingredients are finally here! And the final ingredient: ghost dandruff! [pulls out a bucket of ghost dandruff from the bag]
Karen
[backs away] I wouldn't add that last one...
[adds ghost dandruff to the batch] Ha, ha! I can't wait to see the look on Krabs' face! [stirs the fake ingredients all together. Then all of a sudden, the Chum Bucket explodes and sends Plankton flying in the sky. He screams until he sees Mr. Krabs] Krabs?
Welcome, sea chimps. I'm SpongeBob, your owner.
SCSea chimp king
Forget it, man. We're through with owners, and kings, and aquariums. Whoa! Now that looks like a swell place to live.
[All the sea chimps run into the Chum Bucket. Karen comes out with banana peels all over her monitor.]
Karen
[screams] Plankton! Abandon bucket!
Well, that's a write off. [takes out a remote and pushes a button]
[The button activates the Chum Bucket's hand. The hand picks up the restaurant and spins it around and around. The hand throws the restaurant out into the distance with the sea chimps still inside.]
Bye, sea chimps! Have a good flight! It was so nice of you to help relocate the sea chimps, Plankton. You rule!
Not today, SpongeBob. Not today. [takes out his crown] But... someday! [puts it on and cackles evilly before Patrick swallows him and burps out the crown, as the episode transitions out]
Karen
Well, if it isn't my thieving husband. So did you bring me the— [sees Plankton's mouth full of hair; she picks it up and removes the hair from Plankton's mouth] Hair? [takes a sample of hair and throws the rest away] I only needed one.
Hee-hee-hee! You married a genius, Karen. Using the DNA of Krabs' hair and my own DNA from my antennae— [his right antenna gets snipped off by Karen] Ouch! [his antenna is placed in the machine] I will create a combo-clone of me and Krabs to finally steal the secret formula! [pulls up the lever and cackles]
[The machine turns itself on and fuses the hair sample and antenna sample together. The cloning machine turns on and creates a single being with Mr. Krabs' and Plankton's DNA together. The being turns into a blob and the machine turns off.]
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Behold PlanKrab! [The machine opens the door and the being steps out]
[The smoke clears to reveal the being. It appears to be a clone with Mr. Krabs' body and Plankton's head.]
PPlanKrab
Arr-arr-arr-arr-arr!
Karen
How is this a good thing?
Wake up, Karen! The Plankton side will know everything the Krabs side knows! It'll be easier than taking candy from a baby.
Karen
Mm, and we know how successful that was. [turns on the screen to show Plankton trying to steal a lollipop from a baby, but ends up getting sucked on]
This is different! Isn't it, PlanKrab, my pretty? Now, here's my plan.
PPlanKrab
Don't waste your breath, Plankteron. I already mapped out the perfect plot to swipe that formuler-ererer! [gives Plankton a high-five before leaving for the Krusty Krab]
Great! See you soon, P.K.! [sighs] I love that guy. Well, half of him anyway. [laughs until he coughs] Still got a hair in there.
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
