Scenes with Abrasive SpongeBob 642
[SpongeBob is hiding in a dark cave where is body is morphed into an owl and starts singing]
SpongeBob♪Who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who? Who... am I?
[jumps to a cave mirror and morphs into a question mark] Who am I? [morphs into a pineapple] I just can't remember.
[morphs into Pearl] Who am I? [imitates Pearl] I just can't recall.
[morphs into a handsome man and imitates him] Who am I to sing this somber song? When you've got six heads, there's something wrong.
[morphs into five of his friends] Who am I? [imitates his friends] Please tell me. [normal] Who am I? [imitates his friends] Do you know me?
[morphs into a female fish] My name could be Clementine [morphs into Fred] or it could be Freddie.
[morphs into two SpongeBobs] I just can't recognize myself. I don't know if I'm ready. [imitating his friends in a barber shop quintet] I'm ready!
[normal] Who am I? [morphs into a male fish] I have a right to know. [normal] Who am I? Am I friend... [morphs into Plankton and imitates him] or foe?
[normal] I have so many features. It makes it hard to tell. I don't know what my first name is. But my faces ring a bell.
[imitates Squidward] Who am I? [bell dings] [imitates Mr. Krabs] Who am I? [bell dings] [imitates Patrick] Who am I? [bell dings] [imitates Plankton] Who am I? [bell dings] [normal] Who am I? [phone rings] Hello?♪
CCaller
Hello. To whom am I speaking?
SpongeBob
♪I... don't...! Know...♪
[As SpongeBob's song ends, his face shrivels]
[The episode begins at nighttime. Squidward, who appears to be very tired, is getting ready to go to bed]
Oh, why can't I get to sleep? Let's try it again. [sighs] Warm milk. [drinks milk] White noise machine. [turns on the noise machine and it blows bubbles out. He groans as he closes his eyes. His eyelids say "10 Grit" on them. Then he wakes up] Dim lights. [turns off lights and groans; sings] ♪ Sleep, little Squidward, catch some winks / Everything and everybody clearly stinks ♪ [shuts his eyes, curls up in his bed, and tries to go to sleep. Suddenly, a loud belch is heard and a startled Squidward screams and clings on the ceiling with his suction cups]
[At SpongeBob's house, SpongeBob and Patrick are laughing while having a sleepover]
SpongeBob
[chugs down a liter of soda and swallows it. His bottom begins to bubble up] Oh, yeah! Fizz Bomb Cola!
[SpongeBob's body bubbles up and he makes a really loud belch. SpongeBob and Patrick laugh]
[yelling] Hey! Will you two psychopaths keep it down?!
SpongeBob
Oh, hi, Squidward. How ya doing?
Horrible! I haven't slept for three days!
[grabs Squidward's hand and shakes it] Hey, that's great!
It is not great! [pulls back his hand] I've got an audition with the Bikini Bottom Philharmonic Orchestra tomorrow morning, and I'm a nervous wreck!
SpongeBob
[appears behind Squidward] Why don't you try taking a walk? Works for me.
You know, normally, I jump up and scream when you appear like that. But I'm so tired, I'm just gonna take your stupid advice. [walks away]
[Squidward lumbers into SpongeBob's living room with a vacant look on his face]
SpongeBob, what's happening?
SpongeBob
I don't know.
[Squidward's eyes close. He begins to snore and collapses to the ground in a deep sleep. SpongeBob quickly forms into the shape of a mattress and catches the octopus before he hits the ground. Squidward mutters in his sleep and fluffs SpongeBob's eyes like they're pillows. SpongeBob smiles warmly]
SpongeBob
Aww, the poor guy was just sleepy.
Hey, SpongeBob! [notices SpongeBob in his underwear] You're in your underwear. That's cool. [shoves a large envelope onto SpongeBob's face] I got your mail. What is it?
SpongeBob
[pulls out envelope from his face] It's my life insurance. I got one for you too!
Oh boy, life insurance! [jumps around joyfully] Life insurance, life insurance, life insurance, life insurance! [suddenly stops moving in mid-air] What's life insurance?
SpongeBob
I'm not sure, but I think that means for the rest of our lives we are protected. We can't get hurt.
[stares at the contract, closely chews the contract, then spits out the contract] This contract tastes legitimate, but I don't believe it! [squeezes moist contract]
SpongeBob
Well, let's try to get hurt, and we'll see?
Huh! Well, finally, something I'm good at.
[from inside his house, to SpongeBob and Patrick] Higher! Higher!
SpongeBob
What? I can't hear you!
Turn the volume up inside of your voice!
[SpongeBob bounces inside his bubble boat and makes it go faster. A boat in back of the girls' boat crashes at seeing SpongeBob's bubble boat. Just then, a motorcycle cop comes by.]
SpongeBob
Pleasant day for a drive, hey, Officer?
MCMotorcycle Cop
Sir, I'm going to need to see your license for that, um...
SpongeBob
[laughs] You don't need a license to drive a bubble.
MCMotorcycle Cop
Hmm, I suppose you're right. Carry on, citizen.
[SpongeBob drives off with his bubble boat.]
[picks up the patty with SpongeBob] Ah-ha! You're getting sloppy, Plankton. Squidward almost squashed ya. [laughs] Back to the bucket with ya! [opens the door]
SpongeBob
No! No, Mr. Krabs! It's me! [gets kicked out and sent flying to the doors of the Chum Bucket] Whoa-ho! [lands safely on the floor]
[Karen scans SpongeBob]
SpongeBob
Ooh! [giggles] That tickles.
Well, SpongeBob SquarePants, it looks like you lost a little weight.
SpongeBob
Oh, hi, Karen. Where's Plankton?
[SpongeBob looks down and sees that he is sitting directly on Plankton]
SpongeBob
Hi, Plankton! [gets off]
SpongeBob? Why are you so small? Is this a trick?
Calm down. He's clean. I frisked him.
SpongeBob
I didn't mean to get small like you, Plankton. It was a freak accident.
Huh? Who are you calling a freak?! Wait a second. [giggles and takes out a tape measure] Hold this. [measures SpongeBob while he holds the tape; gasps] You're not small like me, Shorty! I am a towering half-a-millimeter taller than you! [laughs evilly] I win! [laughs evilly]
SpongeBob
Hooray! [lets go of the tape and Plankton gets himself tangled in it] I'll get that.
Don't touch that! [gets sliced up by the tape]
SpongeBob
Oops.
[falls into pieces] Get him outta here, Karen!
Way ahead of ya, Chief. [flicks SpongeBob out of the Chum Bucket and sends him flying into the windows of the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob slides down the window just as a purple kid comes by]
Huh? SpongeBob, what's going on?
SpongeBob
Oh, hey— [SpongeBob and Patrick hit each other] Sandy. Patrick and I are— [SpongeBob and Patrick hit each other again] in the middle of a sports game.
[Patrick jumps onto SpongeBob]
This sure don't look like any sport I've seen before. [SpongeBob and Patrick hit each other again]
SpongeBob
I believe it's called kickboxing, or something? [Patrick falls down]
Well, whatever it is, it seems to be causing you lots of pain. [SpongeBob hits Patrick]
Ow! Sure is. [gets hit again] Ooh!
Why not stop playing it if it hurts so bad?
We can't stop... [panting] Until we break our tie.
[The trumpeters play and fog steams out from between the booths]
SSShark Son
It's the rule giver.
[The crowd murmurs as Don the Whale, Frank the Muscular Goldfish, and Larry the Lobster carry Squidward, who is in a grim reaper outfit, onto the field. They set him down and the crowd cheers]
I ain't never heard of a rule giver.
[flips his hood] I prefer "King of Sports," but you can never tell what will catch on with the small folk.
You're making up a game where SpongeBob and Patrick hurt themselves, and you won't let them stop?!
I'm just giving the people what they want.
That's pretty low, Squidward, even for you. I'm putting a stop to this. SpongeBob and Patrick have had enough! [SpongeBob and Patrick appear brutally beaten up by Squidward's so-called games]
MMan
AAAAAAAAAUUURRGGHH!!!
See? They're fine. Let the games resume. [Sandy grumbles and the audience cheers]
Oh, I don't think so. Y'all want to see a game? Fine. Squidward, I challenge you to a game—a game of basketball. Winner decides the fate of SpongeBob and Patrick. [throws basketballs in Squidward's face]
Huh? [the crowd cheers] Me? Play sports? No, no. I'm mostly in an advisory position.
JGJimmy Gus
Aw, come on! We came to see some action! Play the squirrel! Play the squirrel!
CCrowd
Play the squirrel! Play the squirrel!
See you on the court, Your Highness. [shoves the crown down Squidward's face]
SpongeBob
Hey, where'd the new instructor go? Oh, well, I still have ten minutes left on my driving lesson. [singsong] Oh, Mrs. Puff?
[Mrs. Puff whimpers and her eyes widen. She freaks out and runs over to the solitary confinement cell, knocking on the doors.]
I'll confess to anything! Throw away the key! It's not safe out here! Let me in!
[Three police cars fall and crash behind SpongeBob.]
OOfficers
Drive safely, and always wear your seat belt!
SpongeBob
Oh, hello, Patrick. What's up?
I was gonna give you this ice cream, [holds out the melted ice cream cone] but it melted. Instead, I got you this hearty handshake. [holds out one of Mr. Krab's claws]
SpongeBob
Aw, I love hearty handshakes, but not as much as I love ice cream! [points to the Heavenly Paradise sundae in the middle of the living room; holds up a spoon] Care to join me?
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
Whoo-hoo! [jump into the sundae and ice cream splatters all over the screen, which forms the words, "The End," ending the episode]
[Bubble transition to Squidward going to Rock Bottom on a bus.]
BDBus Driver
Last [raspberry] stop, [raspberry] Rock [raspberry] Bottom! [raspberry]
[Squidward exits the bus and two very creepy fish swim past him.]
[reads bag] "237 Rock Bottom." Oh, there it is! Oh, remember, Squidward, real artists embrace the unknown. [goes down the ladder] Uh, is anyone here? [raspberry] I've got a delivery from the Krusty [raspberry] Krab! [creepy fish come up and blow raspberries at Squidward as he screams in fear]
SpongeBob
[screams as he appears next to Squidward] What are we screaming about?
SpongeBob
Oh, they're not monsters, Squidward. They're my friends.
AFAngler Fish
What's [raspberry] up, [raspberry] SpongeBob? Ha. [raspberry]
[The angler fish and gang put on party hats and dance as they blow raspberries.]
SpongeBob
And I helped. [laughs as the episode ends]
[Mr. Krabs and Mrs. Puff fight each other again. However, now that Neptune's Moon is gone, they both revert themselves back into their regular forms. But unfortunately, the effects of Neptune's Moon also caused their respective clothing to dissolve into nothingness, thus leaving them naked]
KPMr. Krabs and Mrs. Puff
Oops. [cover themselves in embarrassment and run off laughing]
[Larry reverts back to his regular form as well. But he is also naked. He picks up a flower and uses it as a loincloth. Then he walks away. Pearl and Squidward continue fighting above Sandy's treedome. They both revert back to their regular forms. However, they're also naked as well. Pearl spits Squidward out from her mouth]
What is going on here? [gasps] MY CLOTHES! [screams and runs away]
[screams and runs away as she is naked] NO!
[SpongeBob and Patrick revert back to the regular forms, but they're also naked as well]
[SpongeBob pulls himself off of Sandy's suit. Patrick giggles and falls off of Sandy's helmet. SpongeBob looks around and sees Sandy's treedome destroyed]
SpongeBob
Um, Sandy, how come your treedome is broken and everyone's naked?
Well, SpongeBob, let's just say this has been the most interesting birthday I ever had.
And, of course, Neptune's Moon is always followed by Neptune's Sun.
[The ground shakes. Neptune's Sun comes out of a volcano and shines its light on Sandy. The light then transforms Sandy into a realistic land squirrel. It appears that Neptune's Sun only effects land creatures while Neptune's Moon only effects sea creatures. Sandy chitters and crawls around inside her suit]
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
You don't see that everyday. Jinx! Buy me a patty!
[They both laugh as Sandy chitters]
[Patrick flies off the track and lands directly near his house. SpongeBob pulls himself together and sends Patrick back to his house. Patrick steps on a pebble]
SpongeBob
Oh, brother. [falls asleep as he is completely tired from having such an eventful night]
[SpongeBob sleep-walks into the street]
Oh, he'll be fine. [jumps on his rock and goes to sleep. As Patrick closes his rock, crashing noises are heard as SpongeBob is getting run over by the boats, ending the episode]
SpongeBob
Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. I'll get all these clams out of here right now.
[A clam spits another pearl and Mr. Krabs catches it]
Not so fast, SpongeBob. [puts the pearl in a bag] What's your hurry? [chuckles]
SpongeBob
Didn't you just tell me to get the clams out of here 'cause they're stealing food from your customers?
[The clams continue to attack the customers. A clam spits another pearl at Mr. Krabs]
Ow! Forget the customers. If these clams keep spitting pearls at me, I'll be rich! Good clams. Good clams! Tee-hee-hee. Oh. [groans as the clams smother him; he pushes the clams away] Bad clams! Stupid clams! Smelly clams! [the clams spit pearls at Mr. Krabs] Ow! Ow! Ooh! Ah! Ow! Ow! [pops up as if he is wearing a king's clothing made out of pearls; he chuckles]
SpongeBob
I've gotta get these clams out of here! [opens the door] Follow me, clams.
[The clams follow SpongeBob out of the restaurant]
Wait! SpongeBob! Come back with those crummy clams! [the clams turn around and spit more pearls at Mr. Krabs] Whoa! [slips and falls on his face]
SpongeBob
I figured if I tired them out, maybe they'll behave better.
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
